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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » ...my boyfriends penis wont fit in me...hellp!

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Author Topic: ...my boyfriends penis wont fit in me...hellp!
Momo23
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Member # 47080

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heey, umm, me and my boyfriend love eachother alottt! And we want to have sex, weve tried 4 times now and he just wont fit.. and each time we do it hurts, we dont use a condom but we did the last time but he still didnt fit in, help! it hurts so much, the last time we did it i went home and went to the toilet and found blood in my undies so i think he broke my hymen, but i had my period a week before the day i went to his place my period finished and the day i was going to his house on that morning i bleed a bit but it stopped so i dont know if it was my hymen but i was in so much pain when we tried but the next morning i went to the toilet again and saw little bits of stuff in my undies.. I think it was dead skin.. .... Someone please help me..
Posts: 2 | From: fairyland. | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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I'm sorry having sex has been such an ordeal for you. Let's see what we can do to make it better.

The first thing I'd like to tell you is that, regardless of what you may have heard, first-time intercourse is NOT supposed to bleed or be painful. As you well know, that CAN happen. But it doesn't have to, and there's things you and your partner can do to change that.

For the most part, when vaginal entry is painful and/or causes bleeding, it's because the woman is not relaxed and aroused enough, or because not enough lube is being used, or because the partner is being a bit rough.

So let's start at the beginning: What's the general situation like? Do you trust your partner, and do you feel positive about having sex? Can you relax and really be in the moment?

When you come to intercourse, what have you done before? Did you engage in plenty of other sexual activities to make sure that you are really aroused?

Do you make sure to have extra lubricant handy?

Does your partner go slowly and carefully? Do you let him know when you are in pain, and does he stop when you ask him to?


Since sex has been such an unpleasant experience for you so far, I'd suggest that you stop trying to have intercourse for a while, and try to figure out what might be going on, first. The longer you keep having sex that's painful for you, the more you start to expect and anticipate the pain, which means that you're nervous and tense, which in turn makes pain all the more likely. So, it's smart to take a break, work through this first, and then come back to sex when you're more relaxed.

In addition to the questions I've posed above, these articles should also give you some food for thought:
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
First Intercourse 101
It's a Vagina, Not a Crystal Ball

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Momo23
Neophyte
Member # 47080

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thanks, i do trust my partner.. Its just i dont know what to do.. And neither does he.. Im always on top of him.. He doesnt like it when hes on top, and when he knows im in pain he stops and i always encourage him to keep going yes we do alot of sexual things he licks and fingers me but we never use anything.. I dont really want to think.. Ive thought alot
about this and all.. Its not that im not taking ur advice i just ... Really want to make love with him.. Im not relaxed because i dont know what to do.. Like how to put him in me... I know this sounds stupid but i cant tell if hes in or not.. And i dont really know where my hole is.... I really need to relax i know.. But i dunno how to when im ontop...

Posts: 2 | From: fairyland. | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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It might help to realize that there is no right or wrong way to do this. Sex is very much about simply finding out what works for you and your partner, and that's all that matters. Just experiment, have fun, try things out. If something feels good, go with it. If it doesn't feel so great, skip it and try something else.

And as far as vaginal entry is concerned, I would really suggest investing in some lube.

I'm going to leave you with another couple of articles. The first one, in particular, should be useful to you in terms of figuring out your anatomy:
Pink Parts - Female Sexual Anatomy
An Immodest Proposal

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
angieveezed
Neophyte
Member # 47186

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Hi...my problem seems to be similar....
But in my case I'm scared to actually try have sex because I'm afraid a penis just won't be able to fit through the entry....

I do masturbate (on my own) but can only insert up to one finger..In the past two months I've also learnt how to use a tampon (finally) and it really wasn't all that difficult at all to insert. But anything more than 1 finger just doesn't seem to fit? Is that normal?

I also seem to find it difficult to arouse myself..I guess that's connected. Not really sure what to do.......

Posts: 2 | From: Malta | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Angie, have you read the links given in this thread?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67924 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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