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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Parents

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Member # 43486

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My sister came out to our parents as a lesbian a while ago, and for the most part it hasn't been a big deal. They don't treat her any differently, and I didn't expect them to. They're quite accepting.

The thing is, they've never really had any gay friends or anything, and I don't think they really understand what it's like. When they were in high school, things were VERY different. My Mom's been sort of pushing for my sister to come out to the relatives. This wouldn't be a problem, but it's been at uncomfortable, awkward times, like when my sister's on the phone (she doesn't like talking on the phone to begin with) to an older relative we haven't seen in a while. She feels she doesn't just want to throw it into the conversation randomly. We don't think any of our relatives would freak or anything, but surely it isn't something you have to announce all at once. My Dad's been a bit odd, too, but I don't really want to go into that.

I was thinking about sending my Mom some links to read so she can get a better understanding of homosexuality and why coming out can be uncomfortable even if you are comfortable with your sexuality, but wasn't really sure where to start. I did look through this website, but it's mostly geared towards the teen who is coming out, not the parent. Also, I don't think she gets that I am attracted to people regardless of gender. It seems to me that she feels it's not something she really needs to worry about because I'm in a really good relationship with a guy that I love. Fair enough. I'm pretty settled in my heterosexual relationship, but that doesn't mean that I don't find other genders attractive.

This post is a touch on the rambly side, but basically I'm looking for links to send to a quite liberal woman who doesn't hold the basic incorrect stereotypes, but still isn't terribly informed about different kinds of sexuality. If anyone could help me out with that I would be very grateful. Thanks so much!

Posts: 52 | From: Canada | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's so great you're being such a good advocate for your sister. [Smile]

It sounds to me like some PFLAG materials might be really helpful here.

Here are a few pieces I think could be helpful: (there's a PDF a bit down the page for "Our Daughters and Sons")

I also just wrote an advice piece for a bisexual user about coming out to her friends that may be helpful for your mother and for you:

Here's one more that might be good:

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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