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Author Topic: sex drive is shot
EliotDorian
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I...don't remember the last time I was horny. It's been a while since I desired sex. I'm not in a sexual relationship with anyone, but I do miss masturbating, which I haven't done in a really long time. I just can't muster up the desire to do it. I just had a physical, complete with pap smear and STI tests.
Is it common for people to go for weeks or months without feeling sexual and then sexual desire comes back? I don't want to go to the doctor unless I really really have to.

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Ecofem
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The quick answer is yes, although someone else may come along with one that's more in depth. [Smile] There are a lot of things affecting it, including stress for example as well as if you're on any medications like anti-depressants. If you're like to get back into masturbating, why not do some activities (like reading erotica or whatever floats your boat in this way) and see where that takes you? Also, you could start doing more physical exercise to help with circulation and what not. [Smile]
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EliotDorian
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Thanks Lena! <3
I do read erotica, I've done for the past five months or so, and lately it's done nothing for me, which is how I realized my sex drive was shot. I also masturbated furiously for like a month after a guy raped me in September.
I'm not on meds, unless vitamin D counts. As far as I know it's just vitamin D so it doesn't even technically register as a med in my book. On the other hand, I'm taking it because I'm vitamin D deficient. I started in February and should end in May.
I also need to exercise. My parents have told me as much for a really long time.
I do eat right and I refuse to count calories, although I'm underweight and could stand to put on a few pounds. I try to keep my diet rich in whole foods and avoid processed foods.
My sleep cycle is awful though. I stay up late then sleep in and waste a lot of my day. :/

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

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Heather
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Libido can certainly be impacted by health, but our mental health, emotional well-being and how we're feeling about sex tends to play a huge part, too. Often a larger one, really.

Have you seen this? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/wheres_my_sex_drive_driven_off_to

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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EliotDorian
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I read it just now, and it raises some food for thought. The second bullet point - lack of exercise and rest - is particularly useful.
It does seem like all the literature on low sex drive is very much geared to people in sexual relationships though. I'm not in one. There's no unsupportive or frustrated partner to worry about.
How many people have lost interest in masturbating? Is it rare for people who aren't sexually active to feel like their sex drive is gone and want it back? I never hear about it, not even here. It feels like I'm the only person with a low sex drive who doesn't have anyone to impress and by extension, that it's stupid of me to want my sex drive back or something when I'm not in a relationship and might well not be in one for a while. I mean, someone I know who's in a long distance relationship said he wished he was going through what I'm going through.

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

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Heather
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If I can be a bit forward, over the last six months or so here, it seems like you have been doing a LOT of rethinking about your sexuality, and taking hard looks at some parts of yours.

That, in and of itself, in my experience, often has an impact on a person's libido, partnered or not.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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EliotDorian
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That might be key.

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

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Heather
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If you want to talk more about that, I'd be glad to listen/pitch in.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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EliotDorian
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Well, I mean, 2009 was an awful year for my sexual and romantic life so I've been trying to get back on track. And by and large, I've been able to do that with school. (Job hunting is a different story.)
And then when winter came and school started, I got lax about exercising - not that I was working out hardcore in the summer but I did used to go out almost every day to powerwalk/jog/run/stroll and I stopped. I've not exercised, my sleep cycles need to get back on track, and I have school to focus on. I'm thinking of just stepping back and letting my sex drive be shot and just press on in the non-sexual parts of my life, but mainly just start sleeping and exercising right again. And if I spend weeks or even months not feeling sexual, just accepting it. If by the end of the year I STILL have not felt like masturbating, I can cross that bridge when (if!) I get to it. That sounds like a viable plan, doesn't it?

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

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Heather
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My personal approach to times of low libido is to see it as an opportunity to focus on the other parts of my life more strongly.

In other words, I basically take it as a hint from my psyche and body that that's what's wanted, and maybe my decreased sex drive is trying to help give me that clue. So, I'll usually delve deeper into work, into my creative life, into my friendships and all my other interests.

And lo and behold, the sex drive tends to come back on its own without my doing anything. Suffice it to say, focusing on the lack of something rarely tends to make us feel good about anything, and the idea of a lack of sex or sexual feelings is something few people find very arousing. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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EliotDorian
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That sounds spot on. Thanks!

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

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