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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Boyfriend doesn't orgasm during partnersex. Suggestions?

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Author Topic: Boyfriend doesn't orgasm during partnersex. Suggestions?
Annabel Lee
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Member # 45694

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My boyfriend and I have been sexually active (manual, oral, and vaginal) for three-ish months. I'm his first partner for vaginal sex (he had one previous partner for oral over the past two years). He's my first for the whole list. He's 20, I'm 18.

He has never orgasmed while we've been together. He masturbates and he says it's not an issue there. He says he enjoys what we're doing and I have no reason to doubt him--he seems to. We're using condoms (we've used a variety, so it's not just the particular brand) and I'm on hormonal birth control (so he's not worried about getting me pregnant). There's lots of lube. Generally we go until I get tired out or until he loses his erection (after 10-20 minutes, generally). Any of his friends that he's spoken to (and any internet resources I've seen) have had quite the opposite problem, so there's little help there.

Since he's able to handle things when he's on his own, it seems unlikely that it's a medical issue, so I'm not worried on that front. But it's kind of a bummer for both of us, since it seems unfair that I should have orgasms and not him. He says he has no idea why this is--when I asked, he said that he had never orgasmed with his previous partner, either. Any suggestions or insight from the Scarleteen staff as to what the issue might be? I'd be thrilled if anyone had an idea!

Posts: 8 | From: Atlanta | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you seen any of these yet?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/neither_of_us_are_reaching_orgasm_but_i_need_him_to
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/im_a_guy_so_how_come_i_dont_enjoy_intercourse
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/why_wont_he_orgasm

I do want to mention you two are pretty new partners. It takes some folks longer than others to be able to orgasm with or in front of a partner sometimes for purely emotional or psychological reasons. So, it's entirely possible it'll happen, but he's just not there yet.

And if he feels any pressure at all to get there, from you or himself, and is trying to make it happen, it's much more likely NOT to happen. Orgasm is wily like that. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annabel Lee
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I had not seen any of those (my google-fu skills are, apparently, lacking!). Thanks!

(Also, "orgasm is wily" just made me giggle. Hee!)

ETA: Upon reading, none of those are exactly our situation. He doesn't orgasm during any partnersex, not just intercourse; he says he enjoys everything; and--well, actually the last one is pretty similar. I have asked what he likes and he is vocally appreciative, though, so I assume we're pretty good there. I guess it is, in fact, just being wily. Waiting it out it is, then!

[ 02-14-2010, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Annabel Lee ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So yeah, sounds like he may just need more time. [Smile]

I'd also make a point of not asking about it any more, and maybe giving him some affirmation that you're fine with him reaching orgasm when it happens, and fine until it happens, no worries.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annabel Lee
Neophyte
Member # 45694

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Yeah, we've talked about it. Good to know that it's pretty typical, then--I was mostly worried since no one we know was willing to own up to the same problem (or at least not for this duration of time).

Anyway, thanks for assuaging my insecurities! [Smile]

Posts: 8 | From: Atlanta | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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