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Author Topic: I dont know what to do
JZaner
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Member # 45609

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I met this german girl online who was at the time 15 but just turned 16 and I was 18 and I recently turned 19. We were getting along fine and I actually liked her for her personality but I think she liked me for more than that. About a month ago we were trading photo's of our lives. Well she said she wanted to show me a photo but she said she didnt want to get me into trouble. I didnt know what she meant really so i said it was ok and she sent me kind of a posed picture of herself completely nude with other nude people in the back partially in the background through the reflection in a mirror. It really freaked me out because I wasnt expecting this and I confronted her about it and she said she liked me as more than friends and she took the picture at a nudist colony where she vacationed every summer outside of munich. I said i disapproved deleted the photo and I stopped all communication with her. But still a month later i am really shook up about it. im afraid i broke the law some how and im afraid to ask anyone for advice or just to talk. what should i do?
Posts: 33 | From: The United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You didn't break the law. She may have, but if you deleted the photo, and didn't solicit it from her (as it sounds clear you did not), it's all okay.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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JZaner
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Is it normal for me to feel weird and dirty about it? or do i sound neurotic?
Posts: 33 | From: The United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Hi JZaner,

In addition to what Heather said, I want to add that public acceptance of nudity is much higher for many people in Germany than in the US. There are many nude beaches or parks, gym showers are often communal, etc. Age-disparate relationships are often not seen as negatively as they may be in the US.

Feeling weird about it doesn't make you sound neurotic at all! It sounds like it was very much a scary and unwanted experience for you. Online relationships and friendships can be great but they can also come with some risks, as do most things in life. Cutting off contact when you weren't comfortable sounds like the right choice. She probably didn't mean any harm but also wanted your attention/approval, as you said, you enjoyed talking to her but weren't interested in more like she seemed to be. I think it may take some time and reflection to deal with but if you're really feeling upset still, I'd consider seeing a counselor about it; you could feel better even after just a few sessions. Taking a break from other internet communications might help, too.

Can you think of anything that you could do that would help you feel better or one friend you could bring this up with?

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JZaner
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Thank you Lena and Heather,

Your advice was helpful and comforting I feel much better about the whole situation although I do have some lingering awkward feeling but nothing like the internal panic I had felt most of the month.

I spent most of the day talking to my best friend who is studing to be a counselor and therapist. She helped me by restating virtually verbatim what you had posted.

So I just wanted to say thank you you really made my day.

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JZaner
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I found out that the girl i was freaking out about wasnt real (eg fake pictures , fake person) but i still feel like a pervert and that really scares me. When I orgasm i have images pop into my head of just random stuff from men, to kids, to dogs, to tv show clips. and this scares me that i think about that as i orgasm. I am not attracted to that sort of stuff especially the animals and the kids but i dont know why im doing this and im afraid of it like im some sort of sexual freak or criminal. I hate sex criminals and am afraid of what the justice system does to them at the same time. and keep picturing myself as one because of this and a what happened earlier last month. I am starting to develop panic attacks from this whole situation. do i sound crazy or just paniced scared and anxious. I thank you ladies (or gents) i dont know for any advice or words of support because i could use it
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Heather
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Really, this girl was around your same age: she was not a little child. As well, random images in one's head with arousal or orgasm aren't unusual, I promise. Sometimes even just snippets of our day wind up in there.

Why do you think you worry you are a sex criminal?

What I'm hearing is just that this whole things has resulted in a lot of anxiety for you. I don't hear anything here that suggests criminal behavior.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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JZaner
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I am very anxious about the whole situation plus i have a whole lot of stress in my daily life. and I dont know why i think that. i mean i havent done anything criminal im just scared and i dont know why. could stress and anxiety just cause me to think horrible things about myself that disgust me and scares me?

So do you think that my imagination is running away with me and im worried about something that i havent done?

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Heather
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quote:
So do you think that my imagination is running away with me and im worried about something that i havent done?
Yes, I do.

Do you typically have any issues with anxiety in general? If so, have you talked to a medical professional about them?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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JZaner
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Ok ill try to let this go before i start to grey. I do have some aniexty and i get more anxious with stress. And no i have not seen a MD about it.
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Karybu
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You might find it helpful to speak to a health professional about it - not even necessarily a doctor, but perhaps a therapist or counsellor. Speaking as someone who struggles with pretty severe anxiety (since I was quite young) I've found it very helpful - even when I couldn't afford longer-term therapy - to have a couple of appointments with someone who could give me some strategies for coping with my anxiety. We can even help you find some counselling options if you like, or you can ask your doctor (if you have one) for some recommendations.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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JZaner
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Any suggestion for anxiety control would be useful and appreciated.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Ultimately, we're just not experts in managing general anxiety: that's a bit outside our scope. A counselor or therapist would be the right person to talk with about that as Karybu mentioned.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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