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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Trouble sorting out my 'first time' feelings...

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Author Topic: Trouble sorting out my 'first time' feelings...
keepinitgreen
Neophyte
Member # 45365

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I recently lost my virginity the saturday night (well I guess it would be more sunday morning). I threw a party and I had played a couple games of beer pong. I didn't think I was even tipsy because I was stressing out about my house until people calmed down (at about 5 in the morning). I went to bed and had a really weird feeling that I would have sex. That someone would come in and it would just happen. I am pretty intuitive, but I had already gone to bed, so it was just weird. Then someone walked in (there was nowhere else to sleep, I figured someone would have to come sleep in there), I couldn't really tell who it was, then he asked who's room it was. I realized it was Dustin. Dustin and my friend Amy had recently broken up. She's done so much for me. Anyways, when I realized who was sleeping in my bed I just figured my intuition from earlier was off. We had been talking a lot throughout the night, so when he asked me if I wanted to stay up, I figured he wanted to talk. Then he was saying how cold he was, and he was; I could feel from across the bed how much he was shaking. Then he asked if I wanted to get closer to stay warm. I don't know him all that well, but I felt comfortable, and I didn't think it would go anywhere. As we were laying together he started out rubbing my hands, then my ribcage area. He asked me again if I wanted to stay up. I said yes, knowing he meant more than just talking. Then how everything really got started is kind of blurred. But his hand went down my pants, we were making out (before this night, I'd never even had my first kiss). He kept asking if it was okay before he did anything. Then he asked me if I was a virgin, I said yes, he asked me if I wanted to feel how great it was. So I gave him a hand job, he put a condom on and he was on top and inside of me for a bit. Then he wanted me on top. It made me a bit uncomfortable, because of my body issues. Then he asked if I wanted to make this a regular thing, I said yeah. He kept asking if I really liked sex now, and stuff like that. Then he said he was done, I'm not sure if he came or not. I re-dressed and got under the covers. He got up for a bit, and asked me if I was going to bed. I said yeah, what are you doing? and he just got back in bed and said me too this bed is so comfortable. It was awkward, I couldn't sleep, and we slept on opposite sides of the bed. Then the dog kept making a lot of noise, I went to check on him and let him out. I really didn't want to go back in the room. I couldn't stop thinking about Amy, and how badly she would be hurt. Also Amy's best friend (who is really close to Dustin)was sleeping in the room next to me. I ended up going back in and trying to get some sleep. Then my best friend, Katie came in. It looked like she was gunna cry, she kept kind of looking over at Dustin like "whaat?" and I took her to the bathroom because she needed to talk and I didn't want to wake Dustin up. She told me she had sex the night before, and really regretted it, we went out to breakfast. She dropped me back off at my house and she had to leave. I went inside, everyone was still asleep, so I was just cleaning everything up. Dustin woke up, helped me clean and we agreed we wouldn't tell anyone because of Amy.

I guess, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this...I guess some type of advice on what to do now, or someone who can relate or something.

Posts: 13 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Hi keepingitgreen. I wrote a bit in your other thread about this, but wanted to expand here. It sounds like this wasn't really a consensual sex act for you, is that right? Someone cannot consent when they are drunk, and it sounds like you didn't feel so comfortable with Dustin. You said you had a feeling someone would come into your room and have sex with you. Could you explain what you mean by that? If you're asleep, unconscious, or drunk, someone "having sex with you" is rape, not sex, by the legal definition.

I'm hearing you feeling very confused right now, which is totally fine and understandable. An assault like this can make us feel confused and hurt and any number of ways. What do you want to do now? Would you like to find some local services for rape survivors? How can we help you?

If I may make a suggestion, it sounds like Dustin isn't a safe person to be around. Do you feel you would able to break contact with him?

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keepinitgreen
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Member # 45365

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This was definitely consensual sex. I wanted to have it, and I liked it. He was really nice about it and asked me multiple time before, during and after, if what happened was ok. I guess what I feel most guilty about is Amy, his ex girlfriend, who I am good friends with. Plus, all of these new emotions I was shocked to develop after my first time. I never thought sex was a big deal, I didn't think emotions would be connected to my sexual experience.

And with him not wanting anyone to know, it's because of Amy. I don't want anyone to know either, besides my best friend, who I told.

I guess I didn't write that as good as I could have. But it WAS consensual.

But thank you for the concern. I know I can trust this website [Smile]

And before he came in I just got a strong intuition that I would lose my virginity and I kind of visualized it, just not seeing my partner.

Posts: 13 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keepinitgreen
Neophyte
Member # 45365

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& the main thing I would like advice on is the whole Amy thing. She's Dustin's ex and a good friend of mine. They were in a super serious relationship for as long as I've known either of them.

Plus I guess I was wondering if anyone could relate to the situation, and just help me deal with the left over awkwardness. We have the same friends and we see each other all the time. I've already hung out with him at least 3 times since that happened...

Posts: 13 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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