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Author Topic: advice please!?
anonymous90
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Ok...so...im on the progestogen only pill cerazette and have been on it for 13 days now but had never been on any type of contraceptive pill previously. ive been taking it every day at exactly the same time and have had a few side effect (nausea and slight abdominal pain) but no major problems.

however, MY problem is that i still feel really paranoid about having unprotected sex and my boyfriend coming inside me! i know you'll probably just suggest he wears a condom till i feel more comfortable but he HATES wearing them cos he says he cant feel anything..and anyway, he doesnt understand why we'd need a condom aswell if im on the pill? its just cos i know tht with cerazette, your periods may stop completely..so if i dont have any periods then how do i know i havent gotten pregnant?! do i have to do a pregnancy test every month or something?! that seems crazy!

am i being totally paranoid and should i just do it with no condom and trust the pill? i feel bad for my boyfriend cos hes sort of waiting for me to decide and as far as hes concerned im worrying about nothing!!

Posts: 47 | From: Manchester | Registered: Nov 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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When did you start taking your POP in relationship to your period? That does matter per when it will be fully effective.

But here's also the thing: if you don't feel comfortable using only one method of contraception, then you don't have to do that. You're entitled to a sexual partner who respects and understands that (all the more since it's not him who could become pregnant), and who -- pardon my gruffness -- doesn't come to that need like a big, whiny baby. They're out there: you just aren't with one of them right now.

If he can't feel ANYTHING with condoms, he's not using them correctly. He could get good condoms he likes, learn how to add lube to the inside and use them so they feel good.

On the other hand, the guys who say that usually are being histrionic: they can feel sex with a condom, but it may alter some of their sexual sensation... just like the pill also will alter some of yours. If he's unwilling to do anything at all on his end to help prevent pregnancy, you can choose to stay with this person and feel like this, stay with this person and just make clear that until he's ready for his part of the responsibility angle, sex is on hold, or you could move on, recognizing this person just clearly isn't really ready to be a real sexual partner or doesn't want to be one, save for the sex part.

So, my suggestion would be that since it sounds very clearly that you're just not down with the pill alone, as plenty of women aren't, your partner either needs to step it up and do some growing up (and you just make a limit there: he needs to learn how to use condoms and deal with them if he wants to be sexual with you), recognizing condom use is a small thing to ask of him, or you hold off for another partner who already has their you-know-what together in this department.

Seriously, this sounds like a maturity issue to me: men with more maturity (at any age: guys your same age can have that maturity, it's just that not all do) get that unwanted pregnancy is scary as hell for women and want to do their part to help ease those fears. They don't just shrug them off.

I don't think you're being paranoid: what level of risk any of us are comfortable with is individual, and if you absolutely, positively, want to be sexually active with intercourse but take as little risk as possible, backing up your pill is the best way to go.

Paranoia, for the record, is about an unreasonable fear. It is not unreasonable to be afraid of something that could happen and which you don't want to have happen. While hormonal methods are highly effective for a majority of women, we do still have to recognize that they fail. In perfect use, minipills fail for just under 1 out of every 100 women, and in typical use, for 10 out of every 100. So, this isn't paranoia: it's a reasonable concern.

Per your question about periods: many women using POPs still get periods. But if you were one who didn't, then you could certainly take a pregnancy test each month that happened if that made you feel better.

[ 11-24-2009, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Correction: just saw your last post, where I explained that since you didn't start on day one, it'd be wisest to not consider your pill fully effective until you have taken one full pack. So, no: it may not be fully effective yet.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Also: I take it this is the same boyfriend who talked you into unprotected sex a little while ago? If so, are you really sure this is a sound person for you to be with? The kind of person you really want to be with and can have a real partnership with?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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anonymous90
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Yes it is. I know it sounds bad but he hasnt stopped telling me how bad he feels about that. I think its just a case of him not fully understanding that the pill doesnt COMPLETELY 100% protect you..i do want to be with him but im just unsure of everything. I think i need to get rid of his dislike for condoms...
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Heather
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Well, that shouldn't be up to you. That is on him. You're already doing YOUR part by using the pill, you know? You're not his Mom, after all: you're supposed to be partners.

Truly, I think if he REALLY felt that bad about it, he'd stop arguing about the condoms. How bad can he feel if he's still arguing with you to go without them?

By all means, if he doesn't understand that NO single method of birth control is 100% effective, and you think that's all he needs to know to grow a pair in this regard, then share that with him and see what happens.

But I also think you have to think about at what point, for you, you're going to stop with the arguing about this and with trying to convince him. In other words, I think that having a limit for yourself -- like, okay, if I tell him about all methods being less than 100%, and tell him that I am just not only with not backing up with condoms, tell him that if he tried different condoms and used them better and he STILL refuses, then I'm just done with this, and sex with this guy needs to not happen, period.

Know what I mean?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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anonymous90
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Yeah i know. thanks for the advice, really helpful. I'll have a think about it.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You're very welcome.

One more idea? In having those thinks, I think it's always helpful for women in situations like yours -- especially if you have never had a partner save one who's like this about this -- to also imagine what all of this, and sex, could be like with a partner who was 100% great about condoms, easily willing to try things to help make you feel better, and also totally down with holding off on anything you don't feel great about doing, even if they do.

I think sometimes when you haven't had that experience it can be easy to for get that THAT kind of partnership is also an option for you, and something you can choose instead of this kind of scenario, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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