posted
Im 17 and ive been sexually active for 2 years exactly. But ive been having this problem. When im having sex with a guy i experience ALOT of pain. Not when he put it in but when he's penetrating. It feels like they are hitting a wall extremely hard and it hurts sooo bad that i have to stop constantly or i just stop and be done with it. it feels like sharp pains going through my stomach and my back and I can even feel and see my stomach moving up and down like its about to rip through. It hurts really bad in all positions also. Ive been looking for answers for a year and some sites ive been on said that it could be from an std or my size and age. Im 5'1 103 lbs. Do you agree that this could be the problem? Ive been to the clinic a year ago and they told me nothing was wrong so i dont think it could be because of stds. Also i was told it could be from the size of the guys penis. Ive had sex with different guys with different penis sizes and i still experienced the same thing. Even getting fingered feels the same way. I wasnt sure if this was normal because my first time felt the same but now that its been years the pain has gotten 10x worse. Its so unbearable i cant even have sex without crying. Ive tried relaxation and other ways to make sex less painful and ive even stopped for 8 months to give my body time but there was not a difference. Its frustrating because i dont know what is happening and if i am ok. One site said it could be because mental or physical things that happened as a child or in my past but nothing has happened to me. I havent been raped, molested, hurt or anything that could make me depressed in some way. Ive looked at other sexual disabilites (thats what they called them) and none of them matched what i was experiencing. But then again im not a doctor so i dont know. Please help! Posts: 4 | From: Georgia | Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
Your body size or age are unlikely to have anything to do with what you're describing.
STIs are one possibility for pain with intercourse or other vaginal entry, but if you have been tested and don't have any, that's clearly not an issue.
The MOST likely causes for what you're describing are a) not being aroused enough before intercourse or other vaginal entry (when a woman is fully aroused, the back of the vagina expands: one good test of this is to have intercourse right after orgasm and see if there's any difference), b) partners who are simply being too rough or going too deeply c) not using lubricant as needed or all of those.
We have more material on this issue, but starting with those possibilities, what do you think?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39784 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Oh, and additionally, at this point you are likely anticipating pain (validly), and that can also make pain more likely.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39784 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I dont know what i think.. Is that wierd? I dont anticipate pain because i calm myself down before i get worked up on it hurting. And i get aroused first with role play and other stuff im into but it still hurts. And i tried lubricants but that makes it slip in and hurt even more.
Posts: 4 | From: Georgia | Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
Let me try asking things a bit more directly, especially since in my years of working with young women and sex, I'll be honest and say I find plenty haven't yet experienced full arousal when they think they have sometimes.
Have you tried intercourse or fingering AFTER (esp. right after) you have reached orgasm? Did it feel any different, any less painful?
As well, penises don't have a life of their own. IOW, lubricant won't make a penis do anything: if a partner is going deeper than feels good for you, they have full control of that with or without lube.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39784 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Yes fingering after hurts cause i feel sore down there. By orgasm you mean when i start shaking and stuff? Then yes i experienced that. It still hurts but not as bad. I ask them not to go as deep too and they dont for a while but they are barely inside of me so it wont hurt when they are doing that.
Posts: 4 | From: Georgia | Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
I'm not quite sure I fully understand you, but I'm going to try.
If it does feel more comfortable after you have had an orgasm, that does suggest that one strong possibility is simply that you and your partners are going into intercourse or fingers inside your vagina before you're aroused enough for that to really feel good. So, it may help a lot to simply take more time with OTHER kinds of direct sexual activities (in other words, not things like role play, but like, say oral sex a partner gives you, or rubbing your clitoris only, not putting fingers inside your vagina) than you have been.
It also sounds to me like you're saying when you ask partners to not go as deep, they are compliant at first, but then don't stick with that. Is that right? If so, understand that male partners need to know (and plenty do, though younger men can still be learning and need to be told) that for plenty of women, very deep entry, with fingers or a penis, doesn't feel great or may even hurt. They need to be responding to what feels good to you, and basing how deep they go not just on what feels good for them, but what works for their partner.
Again, that'll be an even bigger issue, though, if you're having any entry when you are just not aroused enough first.
AND if you have a lot of vaginal soreness after orgasm, that does also suggest you may need to use more lubricant too, right from the start, not only when things feel dry.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39784 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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-------------------- Heather Corinna, Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me S.E.X: Get my book! Knowledge is power. Information is power. The secreting or hoarding of knowledge or information may be an act of tyranny camouflaged as humility. - Robin Morgan Posts: 39784 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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