Donate Now
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » regaining lost sexuality

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: regaining lost sexuality
BDuBoisFan
Neophyte
Member # 44050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BDuBoisFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Can I start off with how much I love this site?
Anyway.
It's been a month since a guy raped me. It's been a month and a half since I cut cyber ties with a guy who broke my heart, though it's been four and a half months since it was clear that he was done with me. I'm processing it all, at least the emotional parts, in therapy. But my sex drive. It's shot. I'm not even talking about partnered sex, which I wasn't exactly having much of anyway. I desperately want to masturbate again, but it's like that drive died in me. How does one revamp one's sexuality after getting emotionally damaged and then literally raped? Forget partners, but with oneself? I don't think I could bring this up in therapy. Although my therapist is quite supportive, I just can't imagine talking about how frustrated I feel when I've lost the desire to play with myself.
...
Although I am getting an idea for a blog entry about this. On feeling like your sex drive died after emotional setbacks, and how to deal with its absence, how to regain it.

Posts: 21 | From: DC | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey BDuBoisFan,

It's good to hear from your awesome self, although I'm sorry to hear it's hard. So glad to hear you're trying therapy, and I wish you the best of luck. (Thanks for the kind words about the site, btw!) I think/know it WILL get better, but how about these articles for starters?

10 of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Sexual Self (at Any Age)
Advice from an Abuse Survivor
An Immodest Proposal
Blinders Off:Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault
Dealing With Rape
From Victim To Survivor
Is it my fault?
No Big Deal: Sex & Disability
The Pursuit of Hope
Seven Ways to Love Your Body
Silent, like the mind could never be
Three Steps Forward, One Step Back: Hollie's Story

I'm sure you've read some if not all of those but there are some that address the issue of survivor sexuality... there's also a really good book on the topic by Staci Haines (can't think of exact title) that is high recommended. [Smile]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BDuBoisFan
Neophyte
Member # 44050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BDuBoisFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks. Yeah, the assault hijacked it, but honestly, garden variety heartbreak has done more damage than sexual assault. If there were essays on how to be sexual again after emotional abuse...
Thanks again!

Posts: 21 | From: DC | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BDuBoisFan
Neophyte
Member # 44050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BDuBoisFan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I read "No Big Deal" which was a great read, (and the only one I haven't already read, you're right that I've read most of the articles here!). I don't know, I'm wondering if there isn't more I could do or discuss. Does that make sense? Thank you!
Posts: 21 | From: DC | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heya!

I'm so glad to hear you've already read so much at the site, BDuBoisFan. [Smile] As for specific activities, I can't think of any specifics personally because it's outside my realm of knowledge, but I'd definitely check out the Staci Haine's book: Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma , which is something that Heather also often recommends. I know you're in therapy, which is also really good, and if your therapist doesn't handle specifics, I bet s/he could recommend you to someone who does... I think a local support group, like at your university or in the DC area, would be an excellent place to get specific suggestions; they could help address the emotional abuse because it's such a part of it all. Here are some [url=http://www.dcrcc.org/resources/category/child_sexual_assault_csa_incest_survivors_support_groups/C55 ]local resources[/url] you could check out, and RAINN could probably suggest some local resources, too. I wish I could be more helpful here but I think that you'll definitely find what you're looking for somewhere in those links... you're doing an awesome job, well on your way on your personal road to recovery. It takes awhile and isn't easy often but I know I'm impressed by you! [Wink]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3

Google
Search Scarleteen