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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Painful Sex!!

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Author Topic: Painful Sex!!
soupdragon
Neophyte
Member # 44281

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Hi.
I lost my virginity when I was 15 and I don't remember sex being painful apart from the first couple of times. After I broke up with my boyfriend at the time I went about a year before having sex with any one else, and it was quite painful when I did but I put it down to the length of time I went without sex.
Almost everytime I had sex with that guy it was painful but we were in a long distance relationship and again I put it down to the fact that I was going a couple of months between having sex.
I'm now 18 and I've recently broke up with that guy, and while discusing being nervous about having sex with someone new because it would hurt i was quite alarmed when my friends said they only ever had pain around the time of loosing their virginity, not after any long periods of time without having sex.
I did some research and found that it could be down to nerves, me tensing up and lack of lube or something as I'm quite self concious and really dislike the thought of being naked around someone. Although recently tried fingering myself and found that this too was a little painful, perhaps I tensed up because I was anticipating pain but I really dont think I was.
Could it all be down to nerves? Or could it be something a little more serious?
If it's just nerves or to do with being 'tight' could using a dildo help so the next time I have sex it wont be painful?
It's not an intense pain, it just stings at the entrance to my vagina so I don't think it could be anything serious but I'd like a second opinion?
Hope I get a reply and any suggestions to what I could do, not only is it not nice for me but it can't be pleasant for the guy when im wincing instead of enjoying myself!
Thanks! x

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Why don't you start by taking a read through this link for some basic information, then we can talk about this more if you like: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
soupdragon
Neophyte
Member # 44281

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Thanks, I did have a read through that earlier on, but I wanted to see what was thought about my whole situation.
Thanks

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Having read that, then, on top of knowing you already express being nervous, not feeling comfortable with partners, and anticipating pain -- things in that list that can create pain with vaginal entry, did you find anything else in that piece that might be an issue? For example, not taking enough time with non-entry activities, not using lube as needed, etc?

One thing is, if you're just not comfortable being with someone in a sexual situation, you just can't expect most kinds of sex to feel good, you know? And until you really ARE with a comfortable you feel totally comfy being with, it's going to be tough to say what the biggest issues are. In other words, when you are, you may not have pain, in part because being able to be relaxed is part of being able to get aroused.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
soupdragon
Neophyte
Member # 44281

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Yeah thanks for that. Sorry to ask having already read about it, sounds stupid but just needed to hear someones opinion instead of what was already written :S
Thank you!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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No need to be sorry! [Smile] We're always glad to follow up with users here after they've read any given piece.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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