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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Post-Breakup -- What about sexual videos/pictures?

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Author Topic: Post-Breakup -- What about sexual videos/pictures?
Member # 43851

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My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago and I've been doing my best to focus on my life and trying not to let it get me down. I'm 21 and in university. Typical young male I suppose.

We were together for 2 years and she let me take sexual pictures of her and videos of us during "sexual acts." I don't know what other way to put it, heh. So after the break-up, I saved those files and left them in some drawer because I wasn't sure what to do with them.

I know that watching them to masturbate would not help me in getting over her and that's why I haven't touched them. And another factor is that I might feel even ashamed to watch them after she has moved on with her life and I'm still masturbating to that.

So by now, the decision seems pretty one-sided. It doesn't help me and I shouldn't have it. Except... she did all the kinky/fetish stuff that we both enjoyed in the video. If I went on the internet to masturbate to the same stuff, no video would have every single detail as perfectly as the stuff I made with her.

And of course, I have been trying to get my mind off of her by meeting new girls and it's not a problem for me to introduce kinky things to girls I meet, but it does take a few months for them to really get into it. And many girls will just never get into that stuff so it just makes me prize the videos more.

I think ultimately, I have a video that encompasses almost everything I'd like to be doing with a girl, but the girl in the video is an ex. But the video is much more satisfying than conventional porn or magazine or whatever one might use for visual stimulation. If I watch it, will it technically be pathetic? If I watch it for the sexual stuff and not for the girl in the video, will I still subconsciously continue developing feelings for my ex?

For those of you concerned about my ex and worried that the video leaking could get in the way of our lives... I don't want the video leaked either so it's not going to happen.

I appreciate any advice you can give me. Brutal honesty is cool. =p

Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I don't think you're pathetic.

What I would suggest is maybe not deleting everything or getting rid of it, but leaving it along for a while. Give yourself time to move on emotionally and then try looking at them again. This will probably take a number of months, but time is your best bet.

My general rule with sexually explicit video/photography from days with a former partner is this: it all goes in a box in the back of my closet. Most of the time, it's forgotten about, and I'll find it much later cleaning, realize what it is, and usually destroy it. By that point I have either A) entered into another relationship and don't feel the need to keep it, B) realize it has little meaning to me and destroy it, or C) realize I haven't moved on and destroy it anyway because its existence doesn't help me move on.

It's also worth thinking about, if you enter into another relationship, how your new partner will feel about you keeping porn from a previous relationship. Some people don't mind, but many will, and it's worth weighing your options. You may find you have no interest in it: you know what you like, what turns you on, and you certainly don't need the reminder of that since you've done it many times.

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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