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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » He can't make me orgasm?

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Author Topic: He can't make me orgasm?
Amy A
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Member # 40137

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My boyfriend and I are just starting to get more physical with each other.

The other day, he fingered me for the first time. He'd never fingered anyone before and I hadn't ever received either.

He was doing it non stop for 2 hours, and it felt good, but I couldn't orgasm. We tried again the next day, same thing. (After 1/2 hour I told him he should stop if he wanted, but he was determined to see it through haha).

He seemed kind of upset that he couldn't make me finish. I told him that it takes practice, and that it wasn't something he was doing wrong, it's just naturally hard for me to orgasm. He still seemed upset though, any advice for me?

Posts: 23 | From: San Diego | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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Member # 17924

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He can't make this about him. It's going to lead for frustration on both your parts.

You aren't a robot. Your body isn't going to respond on cue at any given time. For most women, it takes a good amount of foreplay for true arousal to happen, and even then, orgasm isn't a given. Pleasure is pleasure, no matter how you cut it, and no orgasm doesn't mean everything was a waste, you know?

You are new to him, and he's new to you. You're right: any sort of climax isn't realistic until you've figured out what makes eachother tick, and he needs to understand that and not get frustrated when it just doesn't work.

How about having him read this post? Sometimes it's easier for people to understand something when it comes from a third party.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

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As a side note, he also needs to understand that fingering may just NOT be the thing for you. Most women don't orgasm with just penetration by itself. Some other factors may need to be involved to do it for you, which is perfectly fine, but it's going to involve some help from you and some patience from him.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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