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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » I'm naturally insecure, but this time am I justified?

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Author Topic: I'm naturally insecure, but this time am I justified?
Namida
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Member # 28700

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My girlfriend of about 6 months has been rather distant these last few days and I've only seen her once in person in 15 days. She was out of touch all weekend, lied about going to bed on Monday and just blocked my MSN. On Tuesday night she tells me a boy who's been crushing on her confessed to her (but that doesn't bother me) but then tonight, after snubbing me she comes online and sends me this:

quote:
yeah, i just feel a lil bit sad I was cleaning through my room and I found some short stories Z had written for me last year and it made me really miss her and crave the way things were
"Z" is her former "lesbian" lover (the " marks because Z decided she was "asexual" and broke her heart). Right now my girlfriend's telling me how much she loves me, trying to cover her slip. How worried should I be?

[ 04-29-2009, 07:25 AM: Message edited by: Namida ]

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And still the beds are burning, burning in our sleep.
Take me away from everything I see.

Posts: 66 | From: Australia | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you two talked about her being dishonest with you yet? If so, how did that conversation go? What did she say about it?

If you haven't asked bout it, why not? In other words, worrying about this, and keeping things going where she's trying to cover that and you're enabling that just doesn't strike me as productive when it comes to nurturing your relationship.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Namida
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I haven't brought it up in conversation because I don't want to esculate this into an argumennt

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And still the beds are burning, burning in our sleep.
Take me away from everything I see.

Posts: 66 | From: Australia | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The thing is, part of having healthy relationships is addressing, rather than avoiding, conflict. And there are ways to do that so that that doesn't mean people screaming or yelling: it's all about things like active and compassionate listening, people knowing they are loved and respected, and trust.

So, if you've just been avoiding conflicts or worries like this, I'd say it's time to work on changing your habits in this regard: avoiding conflict doesn't make it just go away, it just tends to compound it more until something inevitably explodes. It's really MORE likely that a conflict will cause a bit fallout when it isn't addressed than when it is.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Namida
Activist
Member # 28700

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Thanks, i'll try to get her talking if she gets back in touch again, she's still avaoiding me

--------------------
And still the beds are burning, burning in our sleep.
Take me away from everything I see.

Posts: 66 | From: Australia | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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