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Author Topic: Erection Trouble - Help Please
criminskeyes
Neophyte
Member # 41827

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Okay, well im 15 and recently have been having a lot of trouble getting erections, its been like this since my girlfriend tried giving me hand for the first time which was only 3-4 days ago. We planned extensively to have sex for our first time this week, we played around for a while, only to be disappointed to find i had lost my erection when we were both ready for me to go in, which wasnt fully erect in the first place.

We have been trying to find ways but nothing works, which leads me to feeling very very frustrated and thinking im letting her down. I have tried experimenting for myself, porn, masturbating, it takes much much longer to get one, if at all. Im thinking this is a medical condition more and more.

I have talked to my girlfriend, telling her it makes me feel embarrassed, disappointed and frustrated but she tells me not to think that. I know im letting her down though, and it makes me feel horrible.

Please, if anybody can help i would appreciate it a lot

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15 and Male

Posts: 19 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Am I right in understanding that you are talking about a span of time that has been but a few days?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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criminskeyes
Neophyte
Member # 41827

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Yeah. I understand its not long at all, but i still want to know what is happening to my body.

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15 and Male

Posts: 19 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Well, firstly, I can assure you it's very unlikely you are looking at a medical condition.

Here's what I think is much more likely to be the issue: you've given yourself 'performance anxiety'. You say that you and your partner meticulously planned your first time, for instance. While it's a great idea to talk about sex beforehand and discuss such things as boundaries and protection, it's entirely possible that by planning the sex to the tiniest detail, you two psyched yourselves out and put so much pressure on you to 'perform', that you were too nervous to do so. A big part of arousal is being able to relax and let go, and if you're focused on following a game plane of on 'making it happen', you're not very relaxed, are you?

And of course, if it happens once, you're afraid it'll happen again. Which turns into a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. You're so worried and preoccupied with it that you can't relax and let go. Make sense?

So, here's what you can do: stop pressuring yourself. Stop putting so much focus and importance on an erect penis. Talk to your girlfriend about what's been going on, and about ways in which you can be intimate with each other that don't require an erect penis. If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't - well, then it doesn't. Our bodies aren't machines, sometimes they'll do what they want, and the best thing to do is to accept that and work around it. Pressuring yourself isn't gonna help.

So, just relax, mkay? There is nothing wrong with you. [Smile]

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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criminskeyes
Neophyte
Member # 41827

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Thanks, first thing i thought of was erectile dysfunction, im feeling alot better knowing that its not that. You make a very good point with performance anxiety and this self-fulfilling prophecy. I completely understand it, the amount of planning has tensed things up alot. While i wasn't conciously nervous, i worried of messing up sub-conciously, if that makes sense.

I have talked to her again and said ill 'surprise her', keeping my chances to attempt sex pretty open. Im just going to take it slow, work my way into being completely, 100 percent comfortable and relaxed. Until i feel that, ill avoid having sex. Theres plenty of things my partner and i can do anyway.

Again, thanks [Smile] i really really appreciate your help

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15 and Male

Posts: 19 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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You're very welcome! I'm glad what I said helped you figure things out for yourself, and be much more relaxed.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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