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Author Topic: Should I tell him?
ttsmith2008
Neophyte
Member # 41028

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My boyfriend and I decided a while back to have an open relationship. This was not a spur-of-the moment decision or anything-we discussed it for a very long time beforehand, and decided that because we are young and still in college, we felt it would be best to be allowed to see other people so that later in life neither of us could ever say we felt like we missed out on anything. We've been together since high school and love each other very much and plan on getting married when we graduate in 2 years. But since we've only ever been with each other, and since we both have pretty open views on the whole sex vs. love concept, we decided to open up the relationship for a while. Several months later, he came to me and said that he no longer felt comfortable with this idea, because he loved me too much. And I agreed. So that was the end of the open relationship, and I'm fine with that. He was never with someone else--he said he just couldn't bring himself to ever do it which is what made him realize he didn't want to have an open relationship anymore. My issue is though, that while we were open, I did sleep with someone else. I used protection and got tested afterward to be safe for both myself and my boyfriend in the future, but I never told him about this. After knowing that he "couldn't bring himself to do it" as he said, I feel incredibly guilty that I could, even though I technically did nothing wrong since we were open at that point. Part of me wishes that he had slept with someone else because then I wouldn't feel guilty. And part of me worries that if I tell him, he'll be afraid I don't love him as much since I could do it when he couldn't.

At this point in time, it's been a few months since we closed the relationship back off, and don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly happy with the way things are. And it might sound weird, but I think being with someone else kind of solidified that for me in a way, because now I know beyond a doubt that no one else will ever compare to him. But I'm still struggling over whether or not to tell him. We tell each other literally everything. I've never outright lied to him, because he's never asked if I was with anyone else, but it seems like he just assumes I wasn't, so I still feel like I'm lying, even though I'm not. This is the first secret I've ever kept from him, and I hate the idea of keeping that secret, but I'm afraid telling him will only serve to hurt him, and I don't want that to happen. He doesn't deserve any kind of pain from me or anyone else.

So the question is whether I should tell him or not?

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--ttsmith

Posts: 2 | From: north carolina | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pyro_angel
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 13245

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As someone who doesn't keep secrets well, I would probably tell him. However, I have no reason for that other than I hate keeping secrets.

Just so you know, you'll only get staff replies here. If you want to get replies from everyone, just reply here and we'll move the thread.

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Courtenay

Posts: 593 | From: Kamloops, BC, Canada | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ttsmith2008
Neophyte
Member # 41028

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Oh, sorry, I didn't realize I posted here. I'm new here and still figuring everything out. Yeah, I wouldn't mind more general replies. Thanks.

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--ttsmith

Posts: 2 | From: north carolina | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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