For the sake of efficiency, I'll get right to the point, and you can assume there's a deep emotional connection between me and my partner--there is.
I was in a two year relationship that was an emotional roller coaster didn't result in much sexual activity. I was infatuated, as teenagers are, the relationship went from when I was 14 to when I was 16, but eventually I realized the pointlessness of the relationship, the harmfulness of it, and the real self of my partner. I finally acquired enough maturity and was able to break it up, finally for good.
I was completely disappointed with love. I surrender in trying to pursue it, and so sought for meaningless (rather, less meaningful) sex. ******* instead of making love, if you will. A couple of months later, I had sex for the first time, my partner was a virgin too. Of course, it being our first time, and not being very planned, it wasn't as enjoyable as it should have been. We stopped talking, not for sexual reasons, and that was that. After her, I had another sexual partner that did result in actual, orgasmic sex. Nevertheless, I hadn't yet developed a sense of what true making love is.
This summer I met my current partner, let's call her Lily. We were taking a summer course, and because we only had a month together we took things extremely fast, both emotionally and sexually. I got to love her not more than three days after meeting her, and we made love in the fourth. Before Lily, I hadn't really bothered in my sexual partner's pleasure, as I really didn't have such an emotional connection. With Lily, though, I learnt, or so she said, that girls don't usually have an orgasm during sex, and so we achieved her orgasms through oral and manual stimulation. It still bothered me, though, that she couldn't come with me inside of her, or that we couldn't come simultaneously. Even when we used ribbed condoms, we had proper and prolonged foreplay and both of achieved high arousal, and I thrusted on missionary position with a pillow below her hips (which she said felt best) for a long time, sometimes up to thirty minutes, she couldn't achieve orgasm through sex. Also, when performing cunnilingus or manual stimulation it takes an exhausting while for her to come, over twenty minutes, even after perfecting my technique with her guidance. As a final sidenote, it takes her just as long to orgasm when she is masturbating. Oh, the bright side of it, though, is that when she does orgasm its really intense. So much so as to stir jealousy in me, as I feel my orgasms don't achieve that level of intensity, even if they, when they are Lily-caused, leave my knees trembling.
The summer course is over and I'm back in Colombia, my home country, and she is thousands of miles away, but our love is still pure and strong. And our sexuality is surviving through clumsy cyber long distance mutual masturbation. As I want our first night together again, which is an eternal five months away, to be as amazing as possible, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, I wish to know how I should proceed to ensure a mindblowing orgasm for her during sex, and not as an afterthought after my orgasm during sex. I know you guys can't describe techniques, but I'm curious if there is anything I could do to make it easier, and a better experience, for both of us, or if its just a harsh fact of life that she can only achieve orgasm through extended clitoris stimulation.
Wops, I seem to have gotten carried away. I guess the first sentence is useless, then. Hrhr. Sorry if its a pain reading through this.
I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts or comments.
Oh, another sexual inquiry that popped into my mind. It hasn't really been a problem but I'd like to know possible explanations. When I was younger and used to masturbate alot, sometimes I would feel an intense (really intense) pain in my neck, like a cramp. It goes away 5-10 seconds later, maybe even less, but it really hurts. This happened once with Lily, when she made me orgasm about four times in the stretch of an hour or too. I'm just throwing this out there to see if anyone has had a similar experience or knows something of this.
You know, most women do not achieve orgasm from intercourse alone. That's just how it is, and that's really not a very big deal. It sounds like you and your partner have a really good sexual relationship, and she did orgasm, so there's no reason for concern here. For a more in-depth answer, check this out: The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum
[ 08-02-2008, 02:08 AM: Message edited by: September ]
-------------------- Johanna Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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