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Author Topic: Want to lower libido, please help.
Member # 5972

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Well, this is probably a strange one, but here goes:

I really would like to lower my libido. I want sex so much, and nothing but sex can seem to help me. I love my boyfriend to death, and I hope to someday marry him, but I'm terrified that this is going to destroy our relationship. I really really want him to have sex with me, which he has, but has pretty much stopped. I'm not sure why he stopped wanting to have sex with me, but he just says he's not in the mood. Many times, he tells me that he is in the mood, and then later has some reason why we can't do anything that night. Now, the last thing I want is for him to do anything that his heart's not into, and I really don't want to pressure him into anything, but I'm just so unhappy. I have trouble relaxing, and I feel so on edge when we have to go so long with our sex. I've tried everything to turn him on, and nothing works, but I really don't think that the problem lies with him. I really think that I need to want sex less. I wouldn't worry about it except that it's putting lots of stress on me and on my relationship. Obviously, I'm not happy, because I'm not feeling satisfied, and he's not happy because he feels like he can't please me. At the beginning of our relationship we were so sexually compatible! I don't understand what's happened.

I'm really concerned with this, as it's really effecting my life, to the point of me crying myself to sleep every night, feeling unattractive and unwanted. I know that he still finds me attractive, and that he loves me alot, and that it's silly to feel otherwise, but I still feel that way.

I'm also very concerned that there's no way for me to get help about this, as I went to the campus health clinic (the only place I can afford) and they pretty much ignored every word that I said. They just gave me a bunch of condoms and a list of ways to pick a better boyfriend (even though I told them that I'm in a happy and wonderful relationship) and told me to go to campus counceling, which I can't afford.

If not even my doctor will listen about this, what am I supposed to do? I feel like my overactive libido is ruining my life!

Please help me find some way to deal with this, I feel like I've run out of options. Everyone on the internet says either to masturbate or to cheat, and I'd never cheat on my love, and masturbation doesn't make me feel any better.

What can I do?

Thank you so very very very much.

Posts: 28 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Here's the thing: our sex drive isn't a constant. How much we're interested in sex will vary throughout our lives, and unless we're talking about something like lowered libido due to medication or lots of stress, it's not something you can actively do anything about, and you'll just have to wait it out.

So it looks like your boyfriend's sex drive is a little lower than it used to be. This likely has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with him no longer finding you attractive, so there is no need to feel insecure here. If you're still feeling so unwanted it's making you feel depressed all the time, and/or if you have self-esteem problems to start with, then idea of counseling may not be a bad one (if you cannot afford the counseling on campus, you can ask the people at your clinic to refer you to a place that offers counseling on a sliding scale).

As for your high libido, cheating obviously isn't a solution. If you felt that your sexualities just aren't compatible right now, and you wanted to negotiate a more open relationship for the time being, that'd be a different option, but I'm not hearing you express an interest in that.

Masturbation, however is an option: if what you're looking for is satisfaction, then masturbation can do the job for that.

What I'd suggest for right now, is just for you and your partner to talk openly what's going on. If you were sexually compatible to start with, and there are no other issues in your relationship besides this right now, it's likely that this is temporary. It's important to keep talking, to communicate your feelings, and to be honest about your worries and insecurities.

Additionally, your boyfriend may want to look into possible causes for his lowered sex drive. If he's recently been put on medication, is very stressed out or changed his diet or sleep schedule drastically, then that could play a part.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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