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Author Topic: I told them.
Bun Bun
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I finally told my parents that I'm having intercourse with my boyfriend. I thought it would go over well because we are VERY responsible with it.

Apparently not.

My mom before had told me that she wouldn't care if I was having sex because she knew I'd make the right decision. I guess the "right" decision was to NOT have sex. Thing is, they think I should be married or living on my own before I can make choices like that. But I don't believe that. I don't think that marriage is the end all to be all. Yes, I think I'll marry this guy (we've been dating for a year and 7 months now), but waiting until marriage seems- well it seems silly to me. I've always thought that "sex after marriage" was more of a religious value and really, I've never had any religious beliefs.

My dad said that it's not going to happen in his house. Which I'm fine with, we've never had sex here and weren't planning on it. What hurts is that I feel like now he thinks of me different. He looks at me like I'm dirt and it hurts me so much.

I KNOW logically that I have made the right decision for me. And it wasn't a spur of the moment thing either. My boyfriend and I talked about it for a YEAR before committing to the idea. I've never regretted it, and I accept that even with condoms and the pill that there MAY be a chance of pregnancy. But my parents seem to have over looked all of it.

All of this is bringing back old feelings that I used to have. I used to think I was a whore (even though I wasn't having sex), because every one told me I was. Now I feel like my parents are saying the same thing.

I feel hopeless. I feel numb. I feel like I've lost my parents trust EVEN THOUGH I do deserve their trust. I know I do.

I don't know if I'm interpreting what they're saying wrong... but it feels as though they've just given up because I'm 18... It also feels like they're trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind about sex.

How can I explain to them that they're hurting me? And how can I talk about this without flying off the handle... it seems like all I've done today is cried...

Posts: 206 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Give it a little time.

I know that sounds like a hard thing to do, but it probably is a good idea try to take a step back and let this sit for a while.

It is a good thing that you were honest with your parents. But remember that you've just given them a pretty big piece of news. Sometimes that can take people a while to process. This can be especially true since (for the most part) parents generally don't see their children as sexual beings. They generally don't want to think about their children being sexually active (heck, many "kids" don't want to think about their parents being sexually active either). Do they see you differently now? Maybe, but probably not in such a horrible way. You're an adult and are making choices that indicate that and it's something they have to accept. I'd guess that a lot of this is just a knee-jerk reaction that they're having.

If you can, try to just let this alone for a few days at least. Give them a chance to move past that first reaction and really process what you've told them (that you're an adult, that you're being responsible, etc.). Taking some time and space will also allow you to explore how you feel so that when you do talk to them again about it, you won't be so likely to fly off the handle. It may take a few days, it may be better to give it a week or more.

Try to hang in there! It'll all work out.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

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Bun Bun
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Thanks!

I just... I'm having troubles dealing with how I feel now that they know. There's the part of me that thinks "Great, now there are no secrets" but there's still the part of me that really wishes that I had kept this all to myself. I didn't really plan on telling them right away too, it just kind of... slipped out. But the shocker to me was that I thought that they had assumed because I AM on the pill, and I AM getting yearly gynecological exams now...

I will let it sit for a while... But in the mean time, any advice on how to cheer myself up?

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KittenGoddess
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That's a totally understandable reaction on your part as well, so don't beat yourself up too much over it.

Probably the best thing to do is try not to dwell on this right now. The more you sit and worry, the worse you're likely to feel. Try to go on with the things you need and LIKE to do. Acting as normally as possible is going to also help convey to your parents that this shouldn't be such a big deal.

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Sarah Liz

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Bun Bun
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Thanks so much!

Me and my mom actually talked again, and she's not treating me any different. She said she loves me no matter what, and it made me feel a lot better.

And so I don't dwell, I'm going to go see the school production of Fiddler on the Roof tonight!

P.S. Really, you guys are all such a great help here at Scarleteen. I really applaud all that you do!

Posts: 206 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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