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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Boyfriend won't be tested for STIs

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Author Topic: Boyfriend won't be tested for STIs
Member # 37328

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My boyfriend have been having sex using condoms and birth control pills for a little while now but one day we'd like to be able to stop using condoms, just for the experience.

I know that you need to be checked for STIs before you can do this safely and I'm happy to go along with him and have it done (even though I was a virgin before him) but he took it as a bit of an insult when i mentioned it.

He's had sex with one girl before and they were both virgins and used condoms so he thinks there's no way he could have an sti. But i know that she cheated on him while they were still together a number of times (I don't feel it's my place to drag up the past and tell him) and I doubt that they ever used condoms for oral sex. So while I trust him completely, I do not trust her.

So firstly what are the chances of getting an STI from oral sex? and do you have any suggestions as to how I can convince him to go without telling him what i know about his ex.


Posts: 24 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Honestly, it shouldn't be like planning the Invasion of Nuremberg to get a partner to get tested. It also shouldn't be an insult to have a partner ask you to do what all sexually active people should be doing at least once a year anyway, even if they USE condoms (remember, condoms reduce risks of STIs -- they don't eradicate those risks completely).

So, I'd just be pretty plain about this: that you'd be interested in going without condoms, but it's important to you for both of you to be as safe as possible, and part of that is getting started with regular testing (the other parts, FYI, are sexual monogamy for at least six months before going without barriers). If he acts insulted again, you can just make clear that there are few guarantees when it comes to infections, and that testing is just part of what people being responsible and mature about sex do.

In terms of STI risks from oral sex, here's a list of STIs which can be transmitted that way: STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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