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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » need some addvise

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Author Topic: need some addvise
skalibrian
Neophyte
Member # 33913

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i and my girlfriend have some troble.when we have sex she is like a dead person she does feels anything.i try to make her orgasm but she does feel anything.
Posts: 3 | From: penang | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, have you talked with her about what sexual activites she LIKES to do?

For instance, if by "sex" you mean vaginal intercourse, she just may not like doing that, or may not like doing ONLY that (nothing but intercourse isn't all that pleasurable for most women) if that's all your doing together with sex.

Additionally, have you left the door open in your communication for her to be able to be honest if she doesn't really want to be having any kind of sex at all yet?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
skalibrian
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Member # 33913

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yup i talk to her but she shy.is it normal that she do not masturebed.
Posts: 3 | From: penang | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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I think maybe taking a break from Sex for a while would be a good idea. It sounds like she is not ready for sex, especially if she is too shy to communicate with her partner about it. So perhaps giving her some time out from sex would make her more comfortable, and keep up the communication. When you are both ready for it it will be a much more enjoyable experience for both of you.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Really, if she's not yet able to talk about sex and what she likes and wants at all yet -- and if she also has little to no interest in masturbation on top of it -- then you probably just shouldn't be having sex with her yet.

These things are big parts of readiness, and to be brief, if we can't talk about something at all, then it tends to be unhealthy for us to be doing that thing.

So, what I'd suggest is just stepping back from sex for now, and letting her know that when she's ready to talk about it, and when it feels right for her to talk about it -- and if she really is INTERESTED in having sex then -- then you two can talk about becoming sexually active again.

Partnered sex is about two people, so if one is being 100% passive, it's just not a good idea to be having sex with that person, period. Acceptance of sex isn't a big YES to sex, and it's thet big yes that's required for consent. When someone is really ready for sex and interested in it, they'll also be able to give that big yes and seek out their own pleasure and talk about it.

And someone really consenting really won't just lie there.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
skalibrian
Neophyte
Member # 33913

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alright thank for ur addvise:)is it okay that guys masturebed 3 times a day

[ 05-18-2007, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: skalibrian ]

Posts: 3 | From: penang | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
Activist
Member # 27966

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There's no such thing as too much masturbation, really, so yes, it's totally normal to masturbate that many times a day.

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Lea

Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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