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Author Topic: Relationship Advice
Member # 32169

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Okay, this will be long and probably confusing.. sorry about that.. hah.

Okay. I`ve been dating this guy for almost two years. Anyways, we met through friends and talked for about 6 months before we began really dating... maybe a little more than that.. but, anyways, we had been dating for 6 months and we had sex. I wasn`t pressured into doing anything, and I always took things slow and felt that I was really ready for it. But, we had a few problems with sex, such as condoms breaking and stuff like that, I`m not really sure what happened to make them do that. But, I told him I didn`t feel comfortable with us doing that until I could get on Birth Control, so at least that would give me a piece of mind. A few months after that, he started asking me about having sex again, and I told him I hadn`t went to get BC yet, so there wasn`t anyway I was ready to do it yet. And then he told me how all normal relationships required you to be having sex pretty much, and I told him that was silly because I knew plenty of girls who were dating but not having sex. Then he started in saying that I was being mean to him for letting him have sex with me for a couple of months pretty much every week during that, then all of a sudden just cut him off from it, that did make me feel bad but I didn`t have sex with him for pity reasons. So after a while he dropped it. That was a while ago. But, I mean its not like I cut him off from us doing every single thing, we still do other stuff, but just not sex.

Now, we have been breaking up and getting back together CONSTANTLY, like its pretty much an every week thing now, it didn`t use to be this bad, but it seems like in the past few months we`ve broken up nearly 20 times. And he always is really RUDE to me when we do fight, he`ll nit pick about the most silliest things, such as me having a photobucket account to put pictures of my animals on.. or me having a Xanga to journal in. I did have a Myspace but he made me delete that because of him thinking I would "whore around" on it. So I just got rid of it. I also had to delete all the guys off my Buddy List so he`d know I wasn`t talking to anyone, and occasionally when we`re fighting he`ll log on my screen name. When we fight.. he`ll call me a whore, and tell me he hates me and how he wishes I wad dead.. and all kinds of other things. He tells me after the fights that he just does that to get me angry or to hurt my feelings, he doesn`t really mean them, its just his temper.

Me and him are broken up right now, because of the Xanga thing and the Photobucket account. I really want to just get over him and move on.. but, am I wrong for thinking that he is mentally abusing me because of his insecurities? I sometimes feel like everything is my fault with him, and I don`t know why I do that.

Posts: 74 | From: TN | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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It certainly sounds like his behaviour would count as emotionally abusive in a bunch of ways, and you might find it helpful to check out The Abusive Partner Checklist.

I'm relieved to hear that you're not currently together with him, and getting over him and moving on sounds like a really smart move.

"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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