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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Virginity?

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Author Topic: Virginity?
Hijol
Neophyte
Member # 31877

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Hi, I'm a new member of Scarleteen Boards, and I hope to know more of sex in this community. You guys have done great with the education and advice, keep it comin'.

My main concern is about masturbation. I read in one of your articles that masturbation is quite common. (I hope this is appropriate) So, if you masturbate and play around with your "genitals" does it count as losing your virginty? Heheehe. I sound very stupid. I hope it doesn't. I'm just paranoid about it...yeah.

Losing your virginity is when you engage sexual intercourse with the opposite sex, am I correct?

Thanks.

Nice site. [Smile]

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Does true love exist?

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faifai
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Virginity means whatever you want it to mean for you, really. It's a cultural concept, and it varies depending on where in the world you are, what age you might be, even what gender you are. For some, losing virginity is when you engage in sexual intercourse with the opposite sex.

This definition doesn't quite work for those who are interested in sex with members of the same sex, though, nor does it work for people who define "sexual intercourse" as something not involving a penis going into a vagina.

Some people see virginity as a state of innocence, so when they engage in any sexual activity, they view themselves as no longer "pure." Others may dislike this definition because it makes sex out to be something that is inherently "dirty" or "soiling." So some others view it as whatever one does that could result in STIs/pregnancy/etc.

And for some, virginity never mattered in the first place.

It's all a question of what you want it to mean for you. We have an article about it on the main site called Magical Cups and Bloody Brides, you should check it out.

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

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Hijol
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Member # 31877

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Okay thanks for the advice.

So is your answer mainly...losing virginity is when you engage intercourse with the opposite sex?
As in like...MAINLY.

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Does true love exist?

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faifai
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No, my answer was and still is that losing your virginity will be whenever you consider yourself to no longer be a virgin anymore. If you believe that will occur when you engage in intercourse with the opposite sex, then that's when you will "lose your virginity." A homosexual person who's done everything in the world but penis-in-vagina sex is therefore still a virgin by your personal definition, but at the same time I doubt you'd consider that person a traditional "virgin".

Again, these is no "main" definition for everyone, and some people don't consider virginity to be a valid concept for themselves at all. The moment when I considered myself no longer a virgin might be different from what Joe Schmoe thought of as his moment, and so on.

Just know that even if you aren't engaging in penis-in-vagina intercourse, there are most certainly STI risks and pregnancy risks associated with alternative sexual activities. That is one of the things many people overlook; in preserving their "virginity," they forget to maintain their physical (and emotional) health.

[ 12-19-2006, 01:05 AM: Message edited by: faifai ]

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disconnect and let me drift/until my upside down is right side *in*

Posts: 640 | From: The Valley of the Sun, AZ, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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Remember, Hijol, like faifai explained, there are many people who just don't ever want or choose to engage in sexual activity with a emmber of the opposite sex, period. So? For them virginity in relation to the sexual activity they have may have NOTHING to do with intercourse, and has nothing to do with a member of the opposite sex, period.

Do a number of heterosexual individuals view the loss of virginity as having intercourse with a member of the opposite sex? Sure, maybe. But remember, others may not.

But "mainly" has nothing to do with it, because again, this is a social concept and can mean different things to different people, and assuming that virginity directly links to heterosexual intercourse is cutting out the feelings and sexuality of a number of people. And even IF say 99% of people (hypothetically speaking) considered losing their virginity to be when they had intercourse with a member of the opposite sex? That doesn't define what virginity is, because that other 1% can form whatever opinion they want to on the subject and they're just as accurate as everyone else.

Make sense?

[ 12-19-2006, 01:01 AM: Message edited by: dailicious ]

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Jean
aka dailicious
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Hijol
Neophyte
Member # 31877

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Yes, and no. I'm confused.

Majority of people consider "losing virginity" when you engage sexual intercourse with the opposite sex?

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Does true love exist?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Overall, yes: that would be the most common defintion of virginity.

(Which means there are an awful lot of gay men and women out there who have had 20, 30 50 partners who are apparently still virgins. This and many other ridiculous scenarios are why virginity as a whole isn't a very sound concept.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Hijol
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Member # 31877

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So, pretend a 17 year old couple has "anal sex" or "oral sex"...would that count as losing your virginty? o.0

Masutrbation has nothing to do with virginity, right?

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Does true love exist?

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Heather
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Here's the thing.

You're asking someone, flatly, who thinks virginity is a misogynist crock of you-know-what, and who has thought that since she had to try and figure how the heck it applied to her when she was raped in juniour high.

Someone who has anal sex or oal sex has had sex just as much as someone who has had vaginal intercourse: they're had the same or similar emotional and physical risks, and the same or similar intimacy, etc. "Technical" virginity was really NOT what the people way back when in history had in mind when they came up with the bullocks that is virginity: if a woman would have had oral or anal sex with someone, her bride price would have plummeted and her family and community would NOT have thought her a virgin.

But no: masturbation has pretty much never had squat to do with virginity.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Hijol
Neophyte
Member # 31877

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Oh okay. Thanks for the advice. Scarleteen is a good place to learn about sex. [Smile]

Masturbation is extremely common?

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Does true love exist?

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dailicious
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Check it out:

Is Masturbation Okay? (Yep)
Jerking Off

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Jean
aka dailicious
Scarleteen Volunteer
Love us? Want to keep us in your lives and hearts? Give what you can!

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