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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » she likes abusive porn

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Author Topic: she likes abusive porn
Member # 30594

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I watch porn from time to time & so does my best friend; we even used to watch it together (just watch!). Neither of us felt bad about it. But just recently she told me that she likes to watch porn were the women are degraded & that it turns her on more [Frown] She has a boyfriend & he's not abusive to her, in fact no one has ever been, her parents are divorced but they all get along & ive known her since we were little (5). She's been on the honor roll since forever, class vice president, head of the vollyball team... ???...Even worse though, she said she enjoys it & then after she wonders if she is a monster for it [Frown] I dont know what to tell her!
Posts: 2 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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There often isn't any connection with the type of person and what they find pleasurable.

She isn't a monster, it is just important to know that what is portrayed in these films isn't real: most porn movies are staged to a certain degree, with the actors often not experiencing most of what they seem to be. Yes, it can be upsetting to see these things displayed, but it is important to separate reality from fantasy. As long as this sort of thing stays fantasty, there isn't really anything wrong.

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30594

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Thanks for the quick reply! [Smile]

I guess _I_ have issues with it, too, because the stuff she showed me really does look like it's hurting the girls; like choking them, slapping, spitting, ...We're both very feminist, so I guess where her worries about being a monster & my confusion with it all comes in is, is it harmful to women to have that kind of stuff exist & to enjoy it --or is it just a normal part of sexuality?? I can accept her watching it because i know her & she's a sweet person, but if a guy told me he watched that, i would be disgusted & afraid of him. Is that wrong?

Posts: 2 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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I don't think it would be.

Here's the tricky part: so many people have been reared to put a distance between themselves, the media they watch, and the people in it, as well as what it represents.

It's entirely possible that those actors ARE being harmed in some way. It's not a given, but it happens. It's also, no matter how one feels about porn, a pretty simple fact that when we support (via purchase) media which celebrates the abuse of women, we do enable the systems which abuse women, so, as a feminist, your friend may really want to rethink using/buying this material, rather than keeping those fantasies in her head alone.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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