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Author Topic: Cause For Concern?
Member # 26650

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I've been feeling kind of depressed lately... moreso over the course of the summer, but its been increasing since... december of last year, I guess I'd say...
I suppose its mostly just stresses of normal life, though my family stresses me sufficently. My mom's overly critical of almost everything I do... I only turned 15 earlier this month, and she was on my case about getting a job all summer. Honestly, I was looking forward to having this summer as my last job-free one, since most establishments in my town won't hire people under 15, anyway. Also, my mom doesn't like my boyfriend being around the house. She likes him, cares for him like a son, and likes him much more than my last boyfriend, but she doesn't want him to be around in case my stepfather (whom we don't live with anymore) or my grandmother (whom doesn't know that I have a boyfriend) will find out and be angry at HER...
She's only physically abusive to me on occasion, and I know its just when I aggravate her so much she doesn't know what else to do. The last time she hit me, I gathered up everything I'd need for a few days (sans food) and almost walked out the door... Its the first time I've made a real attempt to run away, but I think if she starts hitting me again, I might try once more.
I only cut myself for a little while... it grew old fast for me. It was only a month or so ago, and they've already scarred... its kind of bothering me how proud I've become of them... I don't show them off... there's only one person who ever knows I did it... but everytime I look at them, I can't help but smirk and feel a bit of pride at my work.
Its sick, I know... but I guess I can't help it =/
I never tried to kill myself, though, so you don't have to worry about me being suicidal... I've thought about it before, but there's too much in the world to live for.
Also, sadly, my boyfriend's life never has been too great. His mother's boyfriends past physically abused him and his brother, which emotionally scarred him. Now he's overly critical on himself, and almost every week has a breakdown. Some of these are more critical than others, sometimes causing him so much anger that he bangs his head against the wall, beating himself into unconsciousness, just to escape the /emotional/ pain he's given himself.
He's nowhere near abusive to me, though... he'd never think of harming me, but I think it hurts me more than him when he harms himself...

Anyway, maybe after reading all of that (sorry it was so long and rambling!) maybe you could give me advice on a few matters:

Is there anything I can do for my boyfriend to help him with his emotional problems? if there is, it'll make us both feel better.

I've tried to get my mom to let me go to a psychologist, counselor, anything... I've held back a lot of things to her, because I don't want her to haul me off to an institution, but I really want an outsider that I can tell everything to who can't judge me. My first two attempts at persuading my mom failed... any tips for attempt number three?

My boyfriend said that getting something, like a hobby, that you're really into can help you feel better... he's a bassist, and playing helps him take out some of his steam... is there anything that you do like that, that you can suggest for me? I tried music, like him, but I'm just not someone who can sit around for a few hours to get a song just right.

Any help or advice would be appreciated... thanks!

[ 09-01-2006, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: littlebitcrazysometimes ]

Posts: 10 | From: The Jersey Shore | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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First of all, physical abuse is NEVER okay. I don't care if you irritate her to the point where she wants to pull out all her hair (and hey, that's you're job, at 15 ...) ... physical abuse is never okay.

If you're worried your mom won't listen to you about needing a counselor, you can always try the guidance counselors (or even a teacher) at your school. If they can't help you, they can usually bring someone into the school who can. Of course, it would be nice if you could tell your mom and this is what you need and could get it from her, but it seems that may not be the case. You do have other options though.

You boyfriend sounds like he could use some serious counseing too. Is he able to speak to his parents about this? Is whoever abused him still living w/ him? If so, he may want to bypass talking to his parents at all and go straight to talking to someone at the school.

Getting a hobby is always a good idea ... I read and spend a lot (maybe too much lol) of time on the internet. Remember though that serious depression is not going to be cured w/ a hobby. It is a good coping mechanism, and should be used as such, but you certainly can't expect it to make everything better right way.

I think counseling, in addition to taking time to do things that make YOU happy (hobbies [Smile] ), is the best way to go right now.

Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26650

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My boyfriend actually doesn't live with his mom anymore, his brother and him have moved in with his aunt and uncle... His mom never really was a mother-figure to them when they were growing up, and often made them fend for themselves for days at a time.
I know he'd never be up for something like counseling, though; since he's gone so many years and never had it, he's convinced he can handle it himself, even if he is just hurting himself. I know he's tried to commit suicide before, but he's past that point, at least for now... he says having me around hepls him ^^
I also know that he used to smoke pot... a few months ago I asked him about it, and he openly admitted that he still was doing drugs. I flat-out told him I didn't want him to anymore, and he quit cold turkey... I guess he wasn't addicted, since he was able to stop so easily. I completely trust that he's stopped, too... he's not the kind of person to lie about something like that, especially since he knows that both my father (whom I haven't seen in 7 years), and my ex were both into drugs.
Sorry if I've turned this into another rambling rant! =)
I'm going to try to convince my mom to let me see a psychologist again... I think one of the problems, though, is that our health care probably wouldn't cover counseling of any kind, seeing as my situation isn't really that dire.
Anyway, thanks so much for your help ^^ I appreciate it a lot

Posts: 10 | From: The Jersey Shore | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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