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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Depression & BCP

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Author Topic: Depression & BCP
bitttersweeeeeet
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I've always had some difficulties in life with being really upset, really down.. without really knowing why. Sometimes I feel suicidal and to this day I don't know why I can't control my feelings.

However, in my culture, and especially in my immediate family this is completely looked down upon and misunderstood; a person is shunned for even referring to depressing thoughts or feelings of depression.

So, I waited until I moved away to school.. which really isn't too far from home (45mins tops) but at least I'm on residence. I went to the Health Clinic & a nurse recommended St. John's Wort.. somehow, this made me a lot worse - really wonky, weepy and crying, throwing things etc - and I had some pretty bad outburts and episodes that I rather forget so I went back and she said to stop them; something along the lines of it being herbal so they're not regulated etc. etc.

Then, I started seeing a counsellor..I didn't particularly like it at all, I felt like she was analyzing me, it didn't seem helpful and I just didn't feel like I had anything exactly to talk about...

I mean, heck..
I come from a good family, a good home, I have food and clothes on my back, a roof over my head and people that love me... yet somehow I'm unhappy and I don't know why.

I don't think counselling's for me.. But I don't know what is..?

Anyway, now I've been on Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo for about 3 months now and for some reason.. I feel like it's playing around with me.. At certain parts of the pack mainly the last week of the active pills and the week of the placebo pills I feel like I'm more emotional, more irritable, and having truly .. really depressing thoughts.

These past 3 nights (I'm on my Placebo week until Sunday when I start my 4th pack).. It's been bad, I've been afraid of myself; afraid to fall asleep.. I've been yelling at everyone. Everything makes me cry. I'm feeling like I just want to die.. I find myself obsessing over what people would think if I died or how much easier life would be if I wasn't around...

But then it seems to disappate when I start a new pack..

I move back into residence on the 24th of the month and I plan to speak with my doctor there who prescribed me the BCP about this....

Is it mind over matter? Or could it be the pills?

It seems like there's no one I can talk to, no one understands... I've overheard some things about depression being a side effect of the pill and that's why I talked to my doctor about it before her prescribing it to me and she said that's why she chose this brand, it's got a minimal affect on moods..

I don't know what's wrong with me.. I don't know why I wrote so much and I truly appologize for making anyone read this. I'm sorry for the trouble.. I'm just kind of scared about how I'm feeling and I feel helpless.

[ 08-10-2006, 10:44 PM: Message edited by: bitttersweeeeeet ]

Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Whoa, if you have a history of depression, you should avoid BCPs. Yes, they can exacerbate depression because hormones can do some strange things to a person's mood. Call your doctor NOW and tell him/her the pills may be messing with your mood. You might benefit from a different medication instead.

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bitttersweeeeeet
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Well.. I guess I've never really been diagnosed with it..

My family has never recognized my feelings as being valid. No one really does. So even in like 6th grade when I tried cutting myself or overdosing.. I just got in trouble. Nobody really cared that I was so upset.

So is it still valid to say that I'm depressed even though a doctor hasn't diagnosed me as it? I mean, I feel very worthless, and have a bad self-esteem and am so sad all the time but I am trying really hard to avoid feeling like this and to feel happier.

I just don't want her to think I'm crying wolf.. that's what my parents always said.

I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing.

Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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well you're certainly to happy, and the pills are not helping.

if you feel a cultural stigma surrounding your depression, then you might want to seek support away from those cultural elements. either that, or find a niche in a group that addresses and seeks to break those stigmas.

i think you should try to find a different therapist. i also think you should what you can to get through the blocks that keep you from really being open to your therapist. it's a two way street: you need a good therapist who can estable a rapport with you, and you need to be compliant.

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bitttersweeeeeet
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I really appreciate your advice Gumpdrop Girl..

There's just something I find truly disturbing about counselling. I don't feel like I have anything to talk about and it really adgitates me and in turn I get more upset/hostile about it.

And, I have an underlying reason..
I had a not-so-good experience with a counsellor in elementary school; he was a male in his late 50's and I really began to trust him.. and he took advantage of my trust and made a pass on my physically. I was only in 7th grade.

I tried to overcome this and start seeing a counsellor again in highschool.. it went okay, but as I said I am uncomfortable because I don't feel like I have anything to talk about. Moreover, I have been brought up to believe that everyone has their fair share of misfortunes and it is not my responsibility to put my grief on other's, especially when things could be so much worse.

And mainly, I feel like I am wasting people's time by complaining because I'm not really complaining about anything in particular.. I'm just sad.. I just think I'm ugly and not deserving of compliments.. I think I'm stupid and not deserving of the love and the support people show me.

Yet then, on other days I think that no one loves or supports me or treats me well enough.. It's really confusing.

Isn't there anything else I can do besides talk to therapists.. I'm just.. really against that, I'm sorry.

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bitttersweeeeeet
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Can anyone else give me a suggestion or some help?
Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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The trouble is that it seems like you're closing yourself off from all your available options.

A psychiatrist would be the right person to evaluate you for depression, and determine whether it is chemical, situational, or a combination of both.

If it was chemical, they would likely suggest you try medication like an SSRI, and may also suggest talk-therapy (which isn't about complaining). If it was determined to be situational, they'd likely suggest you do talk-therapy, and maybe do a medication to help get you over the hump.

Are there other alternatives? Sure. There are nutritional therapies, chinese medicine therapies, bodywork therapies, but almost always SOME counseling or group therapy is going to be part of the equation.

One poor counselor does not all poor counselors make, just like one rapist doesn't make all men bad. What I am hearing in your posts is that you ARE in need and could likely really be helped by some good counseling, counseling which you could start out by exploring WHY you feel the way you do about talking about your issues, and how that very thing might be a big part of those issues.

FYI: chemical depression is just that. people who have charmed lives in every other aspect suffer from chemical depression. having a good life doesn't fix or prevent chemical imbalances in the brain.

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bitttersweeeeeet
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Miz Scarlet..

I really appreciate your advice.

Your FYI made me feel a little less guilty. I hope you're right.

I guess I will have to be a little more willing and not cut myself off from the available options.

I will certainly look into things as soon as I move back to school.

Thank you.. [Smile]

Posts: 72 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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