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Author Topic: going solo
Lindz
Neophyte
Member # 27651

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I've been trying to masterbate for a half a year now, and nothing seems to work. I've tried all sorts of things but I never seem to "reach" the goal. now.. I know it's not al labout having an orgasm. I've taken the time to get to know my body, but I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged. It's really upsetting to think that I don't even know my own body. I've had suggestions from friends maybe to let someone show me, but i'm not comfortable with that. I feel like I should know how my body works before someone else should, but I fear that that day is far away! Please help, or give me some support. I'm starting to really need it

[ 03-20-2006, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: Lindz ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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When you do masturbate, are you aroused?

In other words, are you doing so because you feel aroused, or doing so because you feel obligated to learn to orgasm?

Also -- and do your best to try and be fairly clinical in your descriptions -- what are you doing? Does what you're doing feel good in general? What are you expecting orgasm to feel like?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lindz
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Umm.well when I first started, it wasn't because I was aroused, it was just because I wanted to understand what was there. More recently, I've gotten more in that state of mind. I understand that you should be aroused for this to even truly work, but I also think that if I even am i nthat state of mind, once I start, the arousal diminishes. I don't quite understand how my mind works anymore.
What am I doing? well.. I've tried a bunch of things. I've tried going inside the vagina, which didn't really give me any AMAZING feelings. I was just kinda indifferent. Then I tried rubbing my clitorus. that gives me a kind of good feeling but I'm not sure that's quite enough. I've also tried using the pressure of a shower head on my clitorus, which feels kind of good, and it gives me week knees. but with both the stimulation of my clitorus with either my finger or the shower, I find at one point I can't handle it and have to stop.

[ 03-20-2006, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: Lindz ]

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Heather
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Actually, that weak-kneed, "can't handle it" point generally either IS orgasm or occurs AFTER orgasm. So, it's entirely possible you have, in fact, already had an orgasm, or you're stopping just as you're about to.

The vaginal canal, save one small area, isn't full of many sensory nerve endings. Generally, a feeling of vaginal fullness from some sort of penetration can enhance other sensations, and sometimes some g-spot focus can be intense by itself, but not reaching orgasm or even high arousal from vaginal stimulus alone is normal. It is far more common -- especially at first -- for women to reach orgasm via a lot of stimulus to the clitoris and the whole of the vulva.

Do yourself a favor: only masturbate when you really are very aroused, and when it just plain feels like the thing to do. Obligatory sex of any kind, even alone, rarely results in an enjoyable experience.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lindz
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Thank you SOO much. You've really made me feel better and I feel very much informed. I'll take you up on that advice. The only slight problem is that if I ever do get aroused, i'm usually not home alone and it freaks me out to think that someone is home and can jsut walk in and such. i don't know myself enough to know that if I somehow get a strong orgasm or anything, if I'll make a sound. So I tend not to do anything at these times if I am aroused, which causes a bit of an issue for me [Frown] I gues I'll jsut have to hope to get lucky and get excited when I'm alone [Smile] Thanks alot! [Smile]
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Lindz
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Oh, umm another thing. You know how yo usaid it could very well be that I'm already having an orgasmn? and you also previously asked me what I expect and oragasm to be. I just expect some sort for "good" feeling. I don't quite know yet what it would feel like. But from what I know and have been told, I know it's supposed to be a really good feeling. From all that's I've done, I've never had that really GREAT feeling I've heard of. Is it jsut possible that the orgasm is so little that i dont' even really realize it? Is that even possible?
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-Jill
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Sexual Response and Orgasm: A User's Guide will clear things up for you. [Smile]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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...and orgasm is like anything else. Often, it takes time to feel out, it takes time to feel comfortable letting go, it takes time and practice to get to know your body and sexual response.

So, it's very common at first to not have these mind-blowing orgasms, but to have a much milder variety. Even when you get there, you'll find out that orgasm varies a lot from day-to-day. Some days, it's as subtle as a hiccup, other times, it's a serious whopper. And generally, as you get older, it just keeps getting better. On a personal note, while I was sexually active very early, and masturbating very early, I don't think I had an orgasm that blew my mind utterly until I was in my twenties, and if I compare my sexual response then to how it is now in my mid-thirties, even with masturbation, it all pales in comparison, so. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Lindz
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Thank you soo much. I can't thank you enough:)

[ 03-16-2006, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: Lindz ]

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