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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » boyfriend and a thing..cheating?

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Author Topic: boyfriend and a thing..cheating?
oOo Lea oOo
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Member # 26647

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My boyfriend has had an oral infection for a week. He had to have surgery to get his wisdom teeth cut out because they were absessed (?) in his jaw. I havent seen him in a few days because i thought he needed to rest and since he was at home relaxing i can finish my christmas shopping.
Last night (the 3rd night away from my boyfriend) This guy who I had this "thing" with once came to my hosue to play guitar with my brother. We stayed up til 2:30 this morning talking about old times. Nothing aobut us just about friends and crazy stuff we have done and how much fun we had. After everyone left or had gone to bed it was just the two of us in my basement. We put a movie in that he had broughten over and instead of watching we continued to talk. it was getting late and i had to wake up at 5:30 to go to work so I siad okay Id love to chat but i have to goto bed. he said okay. and I hugged him goodnight, as i do all of my friends (including my guy friends) when I leave, but he said maybe a goodnight kiss..So i kissed him..and something that started out not serious became very serious very quickly. before I knew it we were rolling around on the couch and I got this sudden bit of guilt so I said WAIT. and i told him i had ab oyfriend. I went to bed and he left. I have always been honest to my bf and have never had anything liek this happen. I love my boyfriend, and haave never even loooked at other guys, because I am satisfied with my bf. Well I cant stop thinking about this guy. And the fact that I got REAL close to going REAL far with someone who was not my bf. Do I tell my boyfriend even tho nothing serious happened? Is that considered Cheating? and about these feelings...are they just re surfacing feelings for someone I once had intense feelings for and will soon go away..are they something I should not worrya bout, or something more?

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
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Member # 26647

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Another thing..are these feelings for this guy normal?
Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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First off all, know that finding other people attractive doesn't mean a person is unsatisfied with their partner. You say you never looked because you were satisfied, but looking is something most people still do. It's acting on those things someone chooses not to do if they're in an exclusive relationship, and that agreement is made ostensibly because someone is satisfied with that *relationship* and doesn't want to pursue others, even if other people do have appeal.

What's considered cheating varies on what agreements are present in any given relationship: we can't guess what the agreement you and your partner have is, so only you can know if you went outside the bounds of it or not. Personally, I'd always suggest telling a partner things like this unless, again, you have an arrangement that says it's okay you don't, or where one or both of you has asked to be uninformed about anything like this.

What your feelings will do is something we can't predict. But having feelings doesn't dictate our actions: feelings or no, you still get to CHOOSE what you do with your body, and if you have exclusive partnerships or not.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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