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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Jealousy, insecurity, etc

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Author Topic: Jealousy, insecurity, etc
Fox Lover
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Member # 19555

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I was just wondering if it is accurate or okay or just a myth for girls to have issues in relationships with things like jealousy and fear of being abandoned , because of how they grew up with their father or how they saw him treating women and stuff. I have issues like that and I have also heard that you look for in a boyfriend what your father lacks himself. Is that true too?
Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, consider this: what about lesbian women? Are their relationship issues about their fathers, too if they feel insecure or jealous? What about men? Why, then, might they have those feelings?

I ask that to try and make you examine how the sort of thing you're saying both makes a lot of assumptions, and is pretty sexist, to women and men alike. And that these sorts of ideas have HUGE gaping holes of logic.

Not everyone has had fathers who have abndoned them and mothers who stuck around. Not everyone is jealous or insecure, and just as many men are as women are. Not everyone has had fathers who treated women badly. For that matter, not everyone is heterosexual, parents included, and moreover, it's in many ways, antiquated psychology to apply relationships with parents to romantic relationships.

The issues you're having could be due to a lot of things: maybe your relationships don't have what you need; maybe you're seeking things in them you need to get in yourself. maybe you DO have parental issues to deal with, maybe that has nada to do with anything.

But the WHY isn't very important, not when compared to the how. As in, what do you need? HOW are you going to reciy those needs and have them met, and who needs to, or should, meet them in the first place? What type of relationship is most workable for you, and what limits and boundaries need to exist, on both sides, to make it work. And is now, or with who youre dating, really the right time, place or scenario FOR a romantic relationship?


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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