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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » My friend needs a reality check

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Author Topic: My friend needs a reality check
mathsux
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Member # 18130

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My best friend (who is a boy) and my other friend (yees, a girl) recently had sex for the first time. they didnt use protection and when my friend told me I was really concerned. Lukily, she isnt pregnant, and they both got tested for STD/STIs. I talked to both of them about practising safe sex etc etc and they are going to be smarter about it now. The only problem is, my friend wont go on the pill. I dont want to lecture her or anything, but I dont want her to get pregnant! she said she "dosnt want to get side effects like a stomach ache" but this girl could NOT finacially or any way support a kid. her response to me saying this was "it wont happen to me, we're going to use a condom". how can I convince my friend that its important to use a condom AND the pill or another form of BC without lecturing her. Ive tried talking, but she gets angry at me. she has no real grasp of the real world..I have to explain everything to her.HELP!!
Posts: 8 | From: canda | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hey: you can't make other people's birth control choiuces for them, and it isn't your place. In general, when you're trying to doictate very personacl choices to someone else, they ARE going to tune you out in pretty short order.

Hormonal copntraceptives are not right for everyone and DO carry side effects. Not wanting to use them -- or any given method -- is totally valid. Heck, I was on the pill for cramps way, way back when for years and while I recognize that it works well for some people, I sure wouldn't want to be on it again. What method is best and desired varies from person to person.

Condoms, used properly and every time, actually are incredibly effective birth control all by themselves, right here, "in the real world." In the case breaks do happen, EC is also available. So, it actually isn't neccessary to use hormonal birth control to have effective birth control. Condoms work perfectly well on their own, and if she wants backup, there are methods available which are nonhormonal.

You're her friend, not her mother, darlin. You can't force a friend to use methods you'd choose to use, nor even to be responsible. As a friend, what you're better off doing is offering help she actually wants from you, and that isn't invasive, like, say, the two of you making your annual GYN exams together as a friend date, and she can discuss birth control options with her doctor or clinican there.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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