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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Identity Issues

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Author Topic: Identity Issues
Member # 16772

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I've decided that I'm about ready to come out as bisexual. At first I wasn't too comfortable with the label, but I've really gotten used to it and it feels right. I'm ready to be bi, but in the meantime I've been doing a bunch of research on GLBT sites.

Every site includes an FAQ about "Am I gay/bi?" and most of them include asking yourself if you consistently fantasize about people of the given gender. The thing is, I don't fantasize about anyone really, at all.

I very rarely think about guys (I'm a girl), even though I've always liked them and been comfortable with that-- I really only started to at all a couple of years ago. So I don't really expect to think about girls, who I've been a little interested in for a while but really serious about for no more than two or three years.

Is this a big deal? Should I spend more time thinking about that and working on it before I'm really ready to take on a label and come out?

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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If you're having relationships with women, or are about too, the fat of the matter is that your bisexuality is something actual and tangible to you. You don't need fantasty to "back that up."

Or even relationships, really. If you have tangible attraction and interest and you know what you know, that's all you need.

It's common, during developmental phases of our life, for sexual identity to be far more fluid than other times. So, the one thing possibly to think about if you're still uncertain is how you might feel about coming out, then potentially a few months or years from now, finding your feelings have changed, and having to "come out" again as a hetero or homosexual, whichever way you may go. That may or may not happen, but it does for plenty of folks, some of whom find that having to essentially say "Well, I was wrong" or "Actually, I'm this," is very uncomfortable for them.

So, it never hurts to think this stuff through, think about what your agenda is in coming out, etc. But given sexual identity often IS very fluid, it is okay for it to be such and to be out in every developing state, as feels best to you.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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