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Member # 10218

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I do want sex. My body wants it but then when I do have sex it hurts. Oral sex is okay, it's not great.I don't understand why intercourse hurts so much. I thought that maybe it could be the size of the guy's I'm with and the fact that sometimes they don't get me hot enough before they enter me but I had a guy that did everything right and it still hurt. I always feel like I have to pee when I have sex and I have never had a orgasm during intercourse. I thought I had had them during oral sex but it always seems to me like my body is not reacting the way it should. The "orgasms" don't feel like I heard they should, there isn't really anything great about the feelings that I have when I recieve oral sex. What's wrong and what can I do to make it better? Should I talk to a doctor?

Posts: 3 | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Okay, lets slow down a little bit.

Your body in and of itself cannot want a particular form of sex. It just can't. Your mind can, your emotions can, and you can feel the need for sexual stimulation as a whole, but the body can't want intercourse on its own.

How intercourse feels varies not just from person to person, but from orgasm to orgasm. Have you read the links given to you in your last post? I suggest you do.

As far as pain during intercourse, you should always see your GYN about that. In your last post, you say you have tears in your vaginal canal, but there is no way you can know what is going on in your vaginal canal without a doctor looking, or without using a speculum yourself pretty expertly. You may, perhapps, feel soreness at the vaginal opening or have somme bleeding?

If that is what is occuring, chances are you aren't fully aroused -- hard to be if you feel anxiety or that you have sex -- and/or were not using enough lubrication, did not have a patient partner, etc. Unless you're taking about penises that are INSANELY wide, for the most part, size doesn't make a difference, because the vagina is a flexible tube when aroused.

So, sure, see your doctor. Sexually active women need to be getting annual GYN care and STI screenings anyway. But also look into other things, like:

- Do you really want to have sex with a partner? After all, if it's simply feeling physically libidinous, masturbation taends to bodily cravings there just as well.

- Are you really attracted to the partners you're choosing?

- Are your expectations realistic and fair? For instance, saying a "guy did everything right," is a little off base. No one can create your arousal or attraction.

- Are you communicating with your partners?

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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