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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » I'm terrified...

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Author Topic: I'm terrified...
Member # 8591

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Hello, I'm new the boards, not knowing if this is the actual right place to post this, but I'm seeking advice. :-/
Basically, me and my boyfriend, who I love with all of my heart, have been going out for just about half a year. We tell each other everything that is on our minds, and continue do so.
Well he's always asking me if what we're doing is okay with me, he's always making sure that I'm comfortable and says that he'd never do anything to hurt me. I, on the other hand, feel that I'm not asking him enough about what he wants. (We're very respecting and are just doing a type of 'dry sex' with the all of our clothes on as of now). When I asked him lately about what he would like to do, he eventually said that it sometimes crosses his mind to go to third me a 'hand job', or at least trying. He was really embarassed and kept apologizing and I just didn't know what to think. I'm just an unexperienced girl who knows nothing about 'fingering' and I'm terrifed to just imagine. I always thought that I would never be doing anything like this. I've never pleasured myself by fingering either...and I'm not that in touch and comfortable with my body to even do so! My first thoughts, are, 'disgusting!' and 'how could i even do that to myself?'
However, I don't want to dissapoint him, even though I know he won't go through with it if I'm not willing. I feel like we could never go back to how it is now if we start this, I just have so many worried thoughts swarming around my head even though trying this would be harmless. Who knows what I would do and I'm just scared to lose him. I want to try new things, even though this all sounds so cheesy and apprehensive, but I want to be comfortable throughout this whole thing. I feel horrible making him wait out all the time for me.
(I know everyones going to tell me to tell him exactly how I feel, but I have, and I don't want to give him this whole overracting side of me, its a turnoff.)
Any thoughts?..thanks.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
Member # 389

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Hey there,

just a few words of reassurance for you, and help you make your own decisions

It is certainly understandable to be apprehensive when it comes to sharing our sexuality, and it does sound as if you have minimal experience, especially with self-exploration and pleasuring. First off, I would start by taking some time to enjoy your own sexuality. Start by using a hand-held mirror to look between your legs, and identify all the parts (you might already be this far, but if not, read this article: Pink Parts - Female SexualAnatomy to make sense of all your body's wonderful intricacies. Then, if you feel comfortable, move on to touching yourself, and discovering what's pleasurable for you. there's no set rules, because everyone is different, so there's no "right" way to do it.

Then, as YOU feel comfortable touching yourself, you and your boyfriend can talk about the possibility of him touching you. But, first and foremost, you need to get well-aqauinted with your own body, before you start making introductions to others, if you get my drift

Communication is really the key; and you don't need to move any faster that you feel comfortable with. There's no time limit

Other articles you might enjoy:

Orgasm and Sexual Response

Safe, Sound, and Sexy: A safer Sex Primer

Read the above articles, and come back if you have questions.

Hope this helps!

Lisa D
Scarleteen Advocate

Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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