Hi...I hope I'm not abusing the boards but I am very very upset right now (and would talk to a friend but no one's available...). I posted a few weeks ago about this same sitch, but here's the basics: had a weird non-relationship with a guy that ended in almost date-rape like sex that I never said yes to (but never said no) in my first quarter, freshman year of college, then went on break for 6 weeks and didn't talk to him. Came back to school, still didn't talk to him but emailed once or twice. (I feel really uncomfortable and am very nonconfrontational.) So. I found out some new info: apparently, he was "cheating" on me, but since we didn't have a "relationship" he didn't tell me (and theoretically it didn't *count*) OR the other girl, who he actually liked. Ugh. And then, since I am friends with this girl, we were chatting and all of a sudden we both realized what a deceitful skank the boy is - and I said that I planned on talking to him the next day to let him know that he's not such a hotshot (but I'd try to have a rational convo with him). Unfortunately, the other girl talked to him (on AIM nonetheless, bad way to confront someone) and he said some really horrible things about me (like I was "attached" and he couldn't turn me away and etc). Luckily the other girl knows the truth and let me know that she believes me and not him, but... ARghh, it's hard to explain the whole story in a short way - but basically, I am afraid that he is either going to hurt me somehow (probably not physically, but it's a possibility) or try to fuck with my mind some more. I think i've become very insecure and my mind has been screwed with and I am not as strong as I'd like to think...and I hate getting so upset (i've been a mess for the last hour ) over a stupid jerk, since it's HIM who has the problem. Sorry that this is more of an upset rant than a question...I suppose I'm asking - what should I do? Talk to him tomorrow, or go on pretending nothing happened (since I never see him)? Let him know that he's a jerk or just tell him that I don't ever want to talk to him? I want to hurt him like he hurt me (by ruining our friendship, plus everything else) but I don't want to be a bitch. Agh. Sorry.
Honey, listen to yourself... go read your own post:
You were borderline date-raped by a guy who was cheating on both you and someone else; he talked a load of trash about you to someone else; THEN he tried to make this whole thing your fault; NOW you feel threatend and manipulated.
And you don't want to be a bitch?
Listen, this is not a good guy. Not having him in your life - not talking to him and not emailing him and not seeing him - is a good thing. Yay for not having to hang around with bad people.
I understand the impluse to "hurt him like he hurt me" but it's usually not very effective. If you want some closure, you can call him or email him and tell him what you think of him, but it's probably not going to get you the cathartic results you were thinking of. As you said, he's messing with your head, so it's going to be hard to keep the messages clear in any kind of communication.
You don't even have to tell him you don't want to communicate with him any more. Just stop. You have that power.
I think it might be a good idea to talk to someone - a counsellor at your school seems like a good place to start. You have a lot of issues going on here, and probably the best way to deal with them is by talking through what happened with a professional.
If pressing charges isn't an option (rape, date rape included, is not something to be taken lightly) then completely cutting him out of your life sounds best to me. This person has done nothing but cause you harm and it doesn't sound like it's going to end.
To protect yourself try to start going places with friends instead of alone. Perhaps your campus has some sort of escort service? Don't forget to inform your friends of what's going on in your life; keeping them up to date will help them help you.
If this person attempts anything or threatens anything go to the police or campus security immediately. He has no right to make you feel unsafe. Do not stand for it.
<must hit refresh button, must hit refresh button> ------------------ There is a time and a place for everything.
[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 01-22-2002).]
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