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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Confused

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Author Topic: Confused
lisa01
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Member # 5931

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ok, im 18 and very shy. i have never had many friends but i have a few close ones. i have never had a boyfriend and feel that i may be gay? i sometimes comment on women in how pretty they look and i wonder if i could ever look like that, im a gay PLEASE HELP
Posts: 77 | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
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First of all, have you read the articles on this site? We have some great ones, including: The Bees and the Bees: A Non-Linear Sexuality Primer which has all sorts of information on homosexuality and bisexuality.

Second, as you'll find if you read the article, sexuality is a broad spectrum. Finding other women to be attractive does not mean that you're gay. However, even if you are gay or bisexual, we here at Scarleteen don't think that's a bad thing. Sexual preference isn't something a person really has much control over, although like anything else, you can control how you act on those preferences. A person's sexual preferences are a part of them, like hair color or body shape. It's also something that can change over time.

So check out the article. Then, if you still have questions, I'd suggest you take them to the Gender Issues forum, where you can get input from all sorts of folks, not just from the advocates.


Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
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A few points:

1) having or not having relationships often has little or nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Plenty of people don't have boyfriends during their teens (personally, I didn't start dating until I was 19), and that doesn't make them gay. Same goes for friends; it's not how many you have that determine your self worth. Think of it as quality, not quantity.

2) finding women pretty, or wanting to look like them, also doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay. I find lots of women attractive, or wish I could look like them sometimes, and I'm decidedly heterosexual.

3) however, if you think that you might be gay, or bisexual, it's not the end of the world; it's just who you are. And, it's up to you to decide what your sexual orientation is -- none of us here can put that kind of a label on you.

We've got some articles that talk about homosexuality and bisexuality that you might want to read for more perspective on this.

Gaydar

The Bees and...the Bees - A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer

We also have a whole forum on orientation and identity further down the board. Check out some of the posts in there -- you'll find lots of people asking the same question you have. You're not alone. Don't worry.

Erin


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Lady Moonlight
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Whoopsie, simultaneous posting!
Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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