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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Feminine and Masculine Orgasms

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Author Topic: Feminine and Masculine Orgasms
PixelPonies
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A Brief Introduction:
I'm a cis female and I've been masturbating from a very young age, though I didn't know that's what it was.
This special type of masturbation I developed is bit complex, I'm not quite sure why it works for me (basically I have to be wearing pants and I sit with my thumb on my crotch and squeeze my legs together).
I'm much older now and sexually active, but I still preform this special form of masturbation from time to time.


The Situation:
So, I've noticed that when I have sex or receive clitoral stimulation I cum suddenly and forcefully, what I call a "feminine orgasm" that sometimes involves squirting and can be uncomfortable.
The funny thing is, this kind of orgasm is different from the one I've been experiencing for such a long time from the special type of masturbation I do. With the "pants on" masturbation I get a building feeling of pleasure that reaches a peak and I climax with little bursts and thrusts. Though it's not as intense as the "female orgasm" it's much more satisfying. I call this a "masculine orgasm" because it is much like how a male orgasms and ejaculates.


The Question:
Is there any reason for the difference and does this happen to anyone else? Also, any tips on recreating the "male orgasm" during intercourse?

I mean, I'd attribute it to my penis envy if this hadn't been what I've experienced since childhood.


P.S.
I am a bit envious of gay/bi men. I have penis envy, like I wish I could have guy on guy sex sometimes, is this unusual and if so, does that mean I'm not cis? What would that mean? I am a female and I acknowledge this fact, I don't mind being female, but sometimes I would like to be a guy (like in sexual situations).

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Hi PixelPonies!

Firstly I'm loving your very organised subtitles!

I feel like there are a few good things to run through here.

The first one is with that sort of clothed & clenching masturbation isn't actually super rare, lots of people get off that way. The clitoris actually a pretty large and mostly internal organ, so it makes sense that apply pressure with the muscles in your legs would help. Why they might feel different is anyone's guess, but I suppose it's just about where exactly orgasm is centred.

I'm hearing that you find one kind of orgasm more satisfying than another, that you have some gendered desires in terms of embodying a more masculine persona, and of having a phallus, and for you that idea feels achievable through identifying your more-satisfying-orgasm as 'male'.

For me it seems it could be useful to separate those things out a bit. Because although if you felt trans* you could find that all this stuff falls into place in exploring trans identity, it is alos just as valid to try gendered role play in sex scenarios, to try stuff like strap-ons, to masturbate the way you like, and to try incorporating that form of masturbation into partnered sex, if indeed you feel cis makes sense to you.


Finally, on whether this 'makes' you trans, for me being trans or non-trans is about my relationship to a load of institutions, Medical, Legal, and Social.

So I understand my being cis less as an identity, but more a way to explain how I'm not under pressures to put my body through a medical establishment to feel myself, that I'm not going through any legal procedures to be referred to how I wish, get the rights appropriate to who I am, and to ask those in my social and family sphere to change their idea of my gender, and the language they use to do so.

So for you, you might look at how your experiences match up and perhaps decide that it does communicate what you're going through, or perhaps not. It is your call.

But also that's just one definition... I think the way to go here is to try out what feels best for you, but you do get to try things out.

Welcome to scarleteen by the way!

All the best.

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PixelPonies
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Mastubation/Orgasm:

I tend to identify one of my orgasms as "masculine" because the feeling reminds me of how ejaculation looks and matches the descriptions of the male orgasmic experience (as told by my partner). It's not as much an identity thing as it is trying to find a similar sensation to compare it to.

I want to find a way to incorporate this type of orgasm into sex and play with my partner, but since I only know how to have my "masculine orgasm" the one way (Sitting on a chair and fully clothed) I can't really recreate it otherwise. I've tried to do it without clothing or not sitting, but it doesn't really work.
I'm trying to better analyze what I'm doing so I can figure out other methods of doing it.


Gender:
I know I am not trans* but I know there is a lot of ground in between cis and trans*, I wasn't sure if I fell somewhere in there. I only feel this want for a phallus in a sexual setting and it's not constant or pervasive.

I think having a strap on might help, but I've used a strapless strap on before and, though it was realistic looking, I had a hard time using it and keeping it in place etc. It was also just kind of disappointing to have something fake in the place of what I wanted.

My "penis envy" is kind of like when someone loves a sport and they love it so much they want to play the sport and be a player on the team, but they can't or they don't have the skills.
I am enthralled with penises, I really really like them and I really really like guy on guy sex. I want to be a part of that, I want to be able to be a part of the thing I enjoy, but I can't and that makes me sad sometimes.


P.S.
Aw, thank you! I like to use headers to keep things organized, it makes reading easier, no? Also, thank you for welcoming me and for replying to my post.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I get what you're saying [Smile] .

I suppose an important factor here is that our brains are a big part of our sexual pleasure. Penises might sound like magical love-staffs but really they are just a little tube of tissue that doesn't do much except go pointy and floppy. As the owner of one, I worry you might be disappointed!

I'd argue that the realness or erotic element of sex-toys or body parts really comes down to how you think about them. A strap-on isn't a fake penis as much as it is it's own tool which you fill with your own fantasies, and with which you try to find what works with you and a partner. I would say the same about a penis.

I also wonder if there is anything you could get from thinking more about fantasies, and what they mean to you.

I feel we quite often get told that fantasies are something that need to actually happen if we are to be satisfied. But that's not the only way to think of them.

In my opinion they are a much more to do with imagination and our own sexuality than they are about partnered sex. A thing that we 'imagine' to get satisfaction rather than do. In partnered sex we are interacting with another person, and it is therefore always about negotiating the body you have, with the body another person has, the fantasies you have, with the fantasies they have and experience something which is created together, in some way it's always new. Our fantasies can be big contributor to what we bring, or try to role play but in the end it's something new.

In this case I'd say it's really worth being inventive, discover by trying. I can see maybe co-masturbating could be something to try with a partner, as well as maybe saving up for a more convenient strap on. Do you think those sort of things might be a useful starting point?

I'd also add that actually how an orgasm 'feels' can vary a fair bit between people who have penises. Also with the term "penis envy", there sure is a big history to that term! It has been used in the past to emphasise that women 'lack' something, whereas really we know that not only is it false biologically, it's also a bit sexist. I don't think you're using it that way, but I'd hate to think that it seeps in to how you refer to yourself.

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PixelPonies
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Fantasies:
I think you're right about that. I've discovered that a lot of the taboo things I'd imagine as a child or as a adolescent tend to be things I'm interested in now (sexually speaking). Granted, I actually know what sex is now and have a much more extensive amount of knowledge on it, my younger self at least knew what I found interesting.

Most of the time, I tend to not masturbate, just fantasize. These two things have always been kind of separate for me, only rarely doing both at once.
I think the mind is a great tool and a lovely sexual organ.


Strap Ons:
Now that I think about it, I think my issue with strap on penises is that I feel that it's more effeminate to wear one than to not wearing one. When I think of strap ons I think of female on female sex or a Dominatrix. I don't think of penises, masculinity, or gay sex, I think of girls, because the majority of men don't use strap ons.


Co-Masturbating
My partner is long distance, so all we do is co-masturbation, but I don't feel like masturbation, one way or the other during co-masturbation, really helps; it doesn't change anything except my set up and how it feels to finish (also it's a little awkward to do it the way with pants on when co-masturbating)


"Penis Envy"
The reason I often use quotation marks around this phrase is because of it's history and negative connotation, but I use it to describe the feeling of wanting to have a phallus or be male in sexual situations because it's a phrase most people recognize.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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So I'm reading a lot about your side of partnered sex. But, can I ask a bit more about how you negotiate sex with a partner, how they factor into all this? Working on things together is usually the best way to go.

With strap-ons, I feel like gendering strap-ons as effeminate is very much going to make any solution here subject to the same problem. If someone without a penis uses a strap-on to do the kind of things penises can do, and/or to take on a persona which for them comes with that. That seems to me to be a starting point exactly the same as yours... the thing is that for them and for you, the strap-on means whatever you want it to mean. I think it is extremely important to respect that. Not least because it is a logic that implies any gender-play or trans* experience represents the gender someone has been previously assigned to rather than what they feel or express.

I also wonder if you have many gay friends or men with male partners, or trans people in your circles? It seems to me you have a very clear internal idea of what those things mean, but it can often be the case that in real life even those people don't experience sex the way you might fantasise. It may be just as much of a role-play for them to have the kind of sex you imagine as it would be for you. Do you think you might benefit from hearing more about how all kinds of people negotiate their sex lives?

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PixelPonies
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Partnered Sex:
Since my current partner is very long distance, I've never actually had sex with him. I don't know what that scenario would be like, but we spend a lot of time contemplating what we enjoy or are interested in and how to incorporate that into our play (if/when we get to play at some point).
Generally, in my other experiences, it was very one sided. I'm a people pleaser so I just would ask what my partner liked and we would do whatever they suggested. Other times I would share my interests and if they had the same or a similar interest we would do that.
Now a days I'm more about sex as a team activity, something everyone should enjoy.


Strap Ons:
I've never known someone to use them that way, so I guess that's why I don't associate it. I should be more considerate though and try to revise my feelings about strap ons being effeminate objects.


Gay or Trans* Friends:
I have a MtF friend whom I care about very much who is currently in a relationship with a gay male. I enjoy both of them, they're very kind and I like spending time with them. I often give my MtF friend clothing I don't wear and advice.

I tried to cross dress for a while after having some traumatic experiences and being over medicated for a medicine that did not work well for me. It was difficult and I did not enjoy it, it was hard. I though maybe I was trans*, but I felt disphoria in both directions (which was actually just medication induced panic attacks). This was the first and only time I used a strap on.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Ok! I guess perhaps some of this might be a lot easier once you do find yourself in the sexual situations that worry you. One reason for this is that it allows you to take one step at a time, feel the support of a partner and notice how different things feel.

It sounds like you had a really difficult experience with medication... That sucks, I'm so sorry that happened, it isn't surprising that it would bring up so many questions.

Would you say there are things you are finding hard right now or is it more the concern for how sex might be in the future?

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PixelPonies
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It's mostly a concern about the future. I want to be the best I can, for myself and my partner, but it's hard to know what works and what doesn't when you can't really try things out.
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OhImpecuniousOne
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I think to some degree that's unavoidable, though - it's certainly worthwhile thinking and talking about what you'd like to try, and trying things that can be done solo whenever you feel comfortable doing so; but in the end, you won't know for sure how things are going to work between you and your partner until you can actually try it.

Have you talked to him about these questions and uncertainties, as well as about the things you definitely want to do together? I'm just wondering if you know how happy he would be to explore this stuff with you.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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As OP1 says, it can't be avoided. But that doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to tackle that scenario if you get there. I think you seem to have done a pretty good job of thinking and researching about this...

I suppose, if you were a mechanic, this would be a situation where it is better to build up a toolbox (or a tool belt! ) than it is to try and know what the prefect tool would suit all future jobs. You may have no idea what machine you will be asked to fix but you will have a lot of tools.

I think that is something worth feeling confident about.

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PixelPonies
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Aw, thank you both! You've been lots of help.
My partner and I have discussed these things and he's very open to trying new things with me, pushing me to explore what it is I want. I hope that once I finally see him I will have a better grasp on what is in the realm of possibility, until then I'll do my best to explore what I can on my own.

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