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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » parents (Page 2)

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Author Topic: parents
Karybu
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It's ok to feel all those things: gender isn't something that's clear-cut and easy to define all the time, and it can be awkward and uncomfortable and scary to talk about to other people. But I'm going to echo what Heather said, in that your mum sounds like she cares a lot about you and wants to help you. She's on your side, you know?

What do you think about answering the last questions she asked?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Boxerlover
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Can you guys maybe find a therapist or something...or whatever you were talking about....please?

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Karybu
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Of course. Where are you located?

(I will say though that at some point you are probably going to have to talk to your mom, if only to tell her that you aren't comfortable talking about this right now. It's totally fine to open up that conversation like you did and then decide that you aren't ready after all, but it's not really fair to your mom - who wants to help you - to just leave her hanging.)

[ 05-02-2013, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Boxerlover
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...How much info do you need?
Waltham, Massachusetts

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Karybu
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That's fine. I'll have a look around and get back to you.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Boxerlover
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Um....ok

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Karybu
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Ok, so, I'm not finding anything in your area, but it looks like you're fairly close to Boston, is that right? (If not, let me know, and I'll see what else I can dig up.)

I didn't find any specific therapists, but there are a few things you can try. Fenway Health has a hotline you can call for help locating resources. That information is here: http://www.fenwayhealth.org/site/PageServer?pagename=FCHC_srv_services_tollfree

The Sidney Borum Jr. Health Center is in Boston, and offers services for young people ages 12-29. They may also be able to refer you to resources a little bit closer; their contact information is here: http://www.sidneyborum.org/Services.php

The Boston GLASS community center (http://www.jri.org/services/health-hiv-lgbtq-services/health-and-prevention-services/boston-glass) and the Boston alliance of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth (http://www.bagly.org/resources/for-youth/mental-health) could also be helpful. I'd start by phoning those four organizations and seeing what they can do for you. If I come across anything else that might be of use, I'll let you know.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Boxerlover
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I live close to Boston, yes

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Karybu
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Awesome. Start with those resources I gave you above, then, and see how much help they can give you, ok?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Boxerlover
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....I'm not really sure what to do with them
But ok

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Karybu
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A good place to start would be calling the helpline that Fenway Health has. Their number is in the first link that I gave you.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Boxerlover
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Calling? :/
...what would I say?

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>insert signature here (I'm so clever ^^)

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Karybu
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Just tell them what you've told us. You can even start with something as simple as saying that you're exploring your gender and you'd like some in-person help. It's their job to help you, they'll be understanding and non-judgmental.

[ 05-02-2013, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Robin Lee
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Hey Boxerlover,

Just checking in on you. How're you doing?

What do you think about calling the Helpline Karybu suggested to you?

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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Um...me and my mom haven't really talked since

I don't know...I would kinda prefer if I could give a link or something to her and she could do all the techniqual stuff

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Robin Lee
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A link isn't going to tell your Mom what's going on with you. It's just going to tell her general stuff. Make sense?

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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I mean't more...like...if I were to go see a therpaist....I would let her handle some of that stuff...

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Robin Lee
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So, what I hear you saying is that you want your Mom to help you with this, that you don't want to do it alone. In order for your Mom to help you, both with emotional support and with practical help, you need to be able to talk to her first. She can't know what you need help with unless you talk to her about it.

And, if you were to see a therapist, you're the one who would have to do the talking about what's going on with you, not your Mom.

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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Oh...I know
I meant more like her just setting everything up

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Robin Lee
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Well, again, shecan't set up anything if she doesn't know what's going on with you.

So, what would help you talk with her?

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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I don't know
I'm kinda just waiting for her to say something
But she keeps saying stuff I don't know how to respond to

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Robin Lee
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What is she saying?

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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I don't know
Just...I kinda wish there weren't so many questions
And she could just be like "ok"

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Heather
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Have you told her that?

Mind, it might just be she has questions. But you can also tell her that for right now, the questions are feeling overwhelming to you and what you really need and are asking for, to get started, is help from her connecting with a place like Fenway to get some help.

You can let her know that she can likely find some of the information she wants through them, and with their help, too.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Boxerlover
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I guess
...this whole thing is just hard

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Heather
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I understand. But often enough in life we have to go through something that is temporarily uncomfortable in order to get to a more comfortable place.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Boxerlover
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Ok
I don't really know what to say
I feel like me saying something would be so sudden and blunt
I wish she would say something first

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Robin Lee
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You know, it may very wel be that she's feeling the same way you are, that saying something would be sudden, that it doesn't feel like the right time to say something, etc.

As Heather said, sometimes we really do have to go through something that feels uncomfortable before we reach a point of feeling more comfort.

...and it sounds like you wishing your Mom would do things isn't helping. [Smile] Your Mom is only human too, you know, and isn't a mind-reader. [Smile]

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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I guess so

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Robin Lee
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It's okay if this is where you are now in terms of what you're comfortable doing, so long as you know that things aren't likely to change unless you take some action and it's likely to continue feeling hard and uncomfortable.

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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:/

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Boxerlover
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She still hasn't said anything

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Robin Lee
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And neither have you, from the sounds of it. [Smile]

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Robin

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Boxerlover
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...well... [Smile]
I mean...I want to talk but I don't want to start it
and I wouldn't know what to say

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Boxerlover
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Ok :/
...I'm probably gonna have to say something
But...I don't know what
I don't really want to spill everything right at first

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>insert signature here (I'm so clever ^^)

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