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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Gender Confused again

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Author Topic: Gender Confused again
Daki
Neophyte
Member # 50902

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I fell out of love with the girl I liked, and figured out I've been denying a sexual feeling for guys. The thing is this has been building on as I thought about being a guy, resenting my body parts, and wondering if other boys will accept me too. The thing that bugs me is, I'm going from a straight male to a gay male. The sexual attraction also began because I keep staring at their junk 1) because in leotards it's kinda noticable, and 2) I want a penis.

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Other confusions: Sometimes, I really feel MALE, so male that I want to cry about it and when I do have a feminine feeling, like when I'm in the shower or something, I push it aside. I don't want to feel female or maybe I do...I don't know, but I keep supressing feminine feelings. Sometimes I get so bugged that I don't even want to take off my jacket, even when I am not going to look. When my dad said I would have to wear a dress to the ballet, I got so scared and almost started crying. In a state of panic, I had to text my mom. She gave me some advice, and my dad asked me for a legit reason. So I had to tell him. He said, "Pfftt...your a girl," and it was the end of that. I've also been trying to wrap my breasts, but combined with my anxiety about dying or passing out, I just covered it with a baggy shirt, but I still noticed.

I need someone's opinion. What can I do to cope for now? How can I figure this out??

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I am a fail waiting to epically win.

Posts: 34 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daki
Neophyte
Member # 50902

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Sometimes I feel like I want to be hanging with males and other times females sound appealing. The more I write or talk about it, the more confusing it gets, the more my ideas change, the more afraid I get, yet the more enlightened.

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I am a fail waiting to epically win.

Posts: 34 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, I don't know about you, but my friends are a very wide mix of genders. Sometimes, I don't care about what gender of friend I want to hang out with, while other times I do feel like I'd rather hang with my friends of this gender or that one.

So, I guess I'm perplexed about why you seem to be framing this as an either/or, you know? Why not have a variety of friends, and hang with who you want to whenever you do?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daki
Neophyte
Member # 50902

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I don't know...sometimes I'm just so freaked out that I won't fit in anywhere. Story of a middle schooler's life I guess...trying to find their niche. Maybe I will just stick to hanging out with both, even if I don't fit in anywhere right now (or at least feel like it), I'll find it someday. Thanks, Heather. [Big Grin]

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I am a fail waiting to epically win.

Posts: 34 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Of course. I know people talk a lot about high school being so tough, but I feel you about middle school: that was my hardest schooling time, without any contest, and I found it incredibly difficult to cope.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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