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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Gender queer or transgendered... that is the question!

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Author Topic: Gender queer or transgendered... that is the question!
SnapperJack
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Hi guys,

I discussed this before but for some reason I seem to have become more confused than ever.

This is not to say that the last post didn't help me - it did. It also gave me lots more to think about!

I deifnitely feel and can relate to genderqueer and what it means, and I feel really passionate about challenging the gender binary.

I also feel distinctively 'male', although even that is a combination.. I feel 'male' in a feminine way.

I would say this is how I mostly feel and describe myself. However, there are also times when I feel more 'female'. I find it really depends on the situation upon which I find myself in.

I do not intend to have a sex change at all, and don't particularly find myself wanting to alter my dress to be the opposite sex. I also don't really have an urge to ask to be called "he" or "him". Although as I say, I do feel like a part of me is 'male'.

I dunno, I guess this just means I'm genderqueer? I think the thing which I don't feel particularly comfortable with, with the term 'genderqueer' is that it just seems to be SO incredibly open.. and I know for me, I definitely have a maleness about me.. whatever that might mean.

I dunno, I guess I'm just looking for some sort of clarification here.

P.S. this could probably make a new post but I'll pop it here for now:

I also worry because I feel SO much like my ex boyfriend (my first love) it's unreal. He was very feminine and I feel like I'm turning into him! I guess that's more to do with me needing to move on from him though.. just thought I'd chuck that in there! Be good to know if anyone else has ever felt like that?! It's a very odd feeling!!

Thanks - it's much appreciated [Smile]

Posts: 18 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Maybe this will change down the road, but as of right now there really are no hard, distinct definitions for "trans gender" or "genderqueer." (Heck, despite the fact that a lot of folks act like there are, there's aren't any distinct definitions or "man" or "woman;" "male" or "female" either).

So, for the most part, what term you use, if you use one at all, is about what feels like the best fit for you.

I've heard both trans people and GQ people describe their sense of gender similarly to how you are. And wanting sexual reassignment surgery or not isn't really something I'd consider when trying to figure where you fit on the gender spectrum because a) plenty of trans people want those surgeries but will never be able to get them and b) plenty don't want them at all, for various reasons.

But it sounds to me like for now you might be saying that you feel like genderqueer is the best fit for you. And if that's so, you don't need anyone else to validate that, you just need to go with your gut and what feels most comfortable to you. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnapperJack
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Thanks for the reply Heather.

I think I'm getting too caught up on the labels.. but it's also kind of hard not to!

I really like what you've said about there not being any distinct definitions of "man" or "woman". I feel very passionate about challenging the binary as I think there is a lot of overlap between male/female.. I really wish we could just all be human and not have to acknowledge gender differences in the way that society tells us we should! I mean when you really analyse it and look at it properly, the binary system just kind of falls apart.

I also like that you've said it's up to me which I use.. if any. That's interesting. Sometimes I'm not sure if I want to label myself as "queer" or you know, the "different" one. I'm not sure that I AM that different. Further to my beliefs above, I can't help but feel that much of gender and the way in which we understand ourselves is based on stereotypes imposed by society.

I can definitely relate to the term "gender queer" though and what it means/speaks. And I know who I am.. I guess it's just a case of not getting too caught up on the labels.

Thanks again [Smile]

Posts: 18 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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SnapperJack: you're so welcome. [Smile]

Do you know about Genderfork? If you don't, I think you might really appreciate it. It's an excellent project my friend Sarah Dopp started, and it's here: http://genderfork.com/

quote:
I really wish we could just all be human and not have to acknowledge gender differences in the way that society tells us we should!
I hear you on this, but I also think there's actually a lot of room for us to do exactly that: to avoid talking about, thinking about, or approaching gender in ways one is told they "should." Not only do we all get to identify however we want (and *if* we want) in a lot of contexts, with some obviously notable exceptions, we all have the ability to honor everyone else's own gender identity, whatever it is, and have lots of opportunities to voice the problems and issues we have with a binary system. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnapperJack
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Heather - yes I do - thank you. Oh really? It's an amazing site - very inspirational [Smile]

There's also another one - http://genderqueer.tumblr.com/ which is similar.

It's really refreshing to hear you say that we can identify however we want. I think this is true and I will try to remember that whenever I feel a bit low.

I also appreciate that we need to respect other people's identities too. I guess it's just a case of respecting different perspectives really, but also challenging those which are totally ill founded - it's tricky.. but I shall aspire to do this. I really believe gender needs shaking up a bit!

Posts: 18 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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