Okay, so, I sort of ID as an androgynous boy, mostly. I like to be called 'he' and treated as male by my friends who know. I also accept that I am indeed female and I won't be transitioning over to male. I like my body, and this conundrum of being a sort of 'female boy' is an interesting one.
However, as far as every day dressing. For the past three years, I've been pretty much experimenting with dressing styles. I'm a pretty fashionable and creative person, so I'll try out many different things. Visual kei is one of my favorite fashion styles, for example, mostly due to its originality compared to other styles.
I don't like to dress 'butch' or particularly masculine; I would love to express my feminine side. Lately I've been doing that through incorporating more color and accessories into my wardrobe, but my conundrum is this.
Why, if I feel male and would enjoy people addressing me as male in general, do I not particularly enjoy wearing men's clothes? Or at least the majority of men's clothes? Normal outfits such as suits or t-shirt and jeans or even some male versions of styles I like, such as a kind of rocker dude- they don't feel like me when I look in the mirror. And I thought that perhaps it was due to my feeling of inner femininity, and so I started modeling after the way that stereotypically gay or metrosexual men dressed, but that doesn't work quite so well either. This is also added to the fact that I'm pretty small and short (with a big butt and hips) so not everything looks as good on me, but I've learned more how to work with that so I look more male. However, I don't particularly feel comfortable looking male.
I also don't particularly feel comfortable looking female. Maybe it's just my own personal anxiety, but wearing full-on feminine girl clothes just makes me look like your typical straight girl. And then my expression of my gender feels invisible. And as an in-between, I do feel more comfortable presenting as an androgynous/masculine female-bodied person, like I think baggy cargos and a t-shirt are cool, or wearing girl's attire and then putting on a vest, fedora and tie on top... but when I do that I also feel like both my gender AND sexuality aren't being seen as an androgynous queer guy.
Most transpeople ENJOY dressing as the gender they feel they are, right? But I just feel it traps me and settle back into a girl one. I thought it was just drag at first, but now I realize that I do it more often than not. And this wouldn't be an issue if I didn't dislike being seen as a normal straight girl as well and getting 'she'd' more often.
posted
I'm going to say something short and sweet, but kind of think it might help to just sit with it.
Not all men like or enjoy wearing "men's" clothes.
I myself personally know quite a few men who don't, some who are gender nonconforming, but some who ARE cis gender and identify as men, feel like men. I also know more than one trans man who doesn't like dressing in ways that would be most easily perceived as binarily male in western culture.
It might also be worth asking this: who decided what kind of clothing was "male" and what kind was "female?" Who decided there was even a difference? In some cultures there really is/was NOT any difference, or it's a minor difference.
We can talk more about this, but I feel like these might be good starting points.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63261 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I think it's fair to say that a lot of men dress masculine all the time because they feel they have to, not because they have some kind of hatred for women's clothing. For example, a man might choose to wear black flip-flops and not pink ones because pink is supposed to be for women, not because he hates pink. Same with women: why would a woman feel uncomfortable in a plain men's t-shirt? In my opinion it's more likely that she doesn't wear it because she wants to be perceived as feminine, not because she hates plain men's t-shirts. My point is that I don't think there's anything wrong with you feeling comfortable in some women's clothes. Our personal stylistic likes and dislikes don't always follow the gender binary.
I tend to mix masculine and feminine clothing, too, and I don't think it's a big deal. I like bright colors, which are more often found in women's clothes than in men's clothes. I do have a few masculine style choices that I follow every day: buzzcut, no purse (sometimes a backpack in "masculine" colors), don't wear makeup, short nails.
Hope this helps Posts: 143 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2009
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posted
Yeah, you guys do have good points, thank you.
Heather, I'm curious as to what you mean by your friend dressing outside a 'binarily male' style of dress. I suppose that I could think of many things, like a guy wearing a skirt over his pants. Which actually seems like some men are wearing now, especially in the fashion/entertainment world; it's not just kilts anymore.
I also think you have a point and that cross-dressing or drag may not necessarily be cross-dressing or drag if you don't label it so? I suppose with me I considered my wearing girl's clothes now crossdressing. So one of my main complexes was "why do I like to crossdress a lot if I hate being perceived as female?" It seemed completely contrary, though I'm all for people wearing any sort of clothes they want to. It's just that I can actually pass too well as a girl in it if I wear it, seeing as I'm physically female, lol. And I also think part of my love of female clothing is that I like tighter clothes in interesting patterns and colors. Some guys' clothes have this, but I often can't fit those and have it look right. I just look too female then. -sigh-
Posts: 12 | From: Cali | Registered: Sep 2010
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