posted
Try and think back to a time, as a child, when you realized you were being treated a certain way because of your sex/gender, and share it here.
What do you feel like that experience told you about social attitudes and norms around your sex and/or gender? Do you feel those attitudes and norms are fair and sound? Why or why not?
How do you feel either not having that experience or a different experience might have impacted you? How do you feel that experience -- if you feel this way -- is or may be indicative of changes that need to be made to achieve gender equality?
(From an activity in It's All One, the International Sexuality and HIV Curriculum Working Group, 2009)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63261 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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When I was in first grade, and the boys told me I couldn't play poke'mon cards with them because mine were 'cutesy' and 'weak' (Which they were NOT, I might add). Fortunatley, I later impressed them with my Harry Potter action figures (lol)
Posts: 11 | From: Richmond | Registered: Aug 2010
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I think for me it was more subtle things like feeling REALLY uncomfortable with the thought of holding a handbag. I remember my reactions to certain words to - like prefering "king" to "queen" and feeling that the word "woman" was just so foreign to me.
Posts: 18 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2010
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1. My father was always physically rougher on his sons than on his daughters. I, for one, was happy about this because it meant I wouldn't get the tough treatment, but I knew right then that girls were viewed as weaker and boys were supposed to be tough.
2. Boys didn't let me play video-games or sports with them when other boys came over, as if they were ashamed of me, even though I was as good as them. Here, I realized girls were supposedly worse at stereotypical guy stuff.
3. I was expected to like dresses with frills and "pretty" colors. I preferred boys' things. These weren't allowed as much. I disliked being treated as if I should like stuff I didn't just because I was a girl; I flaunted my tomboyishness to avoid it and rarely called myself a 'girl'.
How could these attitudes change as far as gender equality? Well, the whole feminist movement has done a lot of it and given women many rights and abilities to be more than the good 50s housewife than before. But I personally don't believe that only girls are the ones being thought of as a certain way; boys are as well. The fact that the boys kicked me out of their play groups when other boys came wasn't because they didn't like to play with me as much, but because that's how they knew to prove their masculinity and would have been ruthlessly teased otherwise. Perhaps it's simply an issue with gender stereotypes in the first place. They're so in-rooted that even adults hold and treat babies differently depending on whether they think they're a boy, a girl, or if they can't determine the sex. I think that the underlying binary and separation of girl and boy roles are major issues here.
Posts: 12 | From: Cali | Registered: Sep 2010
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I have to agree with a lot of what bornpurple said. Us girls in my family weren't allowed to play the 'rougher' games outside with my brothers, and weren't really included in the playing of video-games or cards.
Another event that really sticks out in my mind was when another little girl from my sister's kindergarten (this is one of my first ever memories) came dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, and with her short-ish hair, apparently looked a little boy. The teacher working there asked her mother to take her home to get changed.
In my first year of school I was running around with another little boy and we both fell over into a small ditch. Our knees were hurt in a similar way, but I was picked up and carried to be taken care of while my little friend had to walk and wasn't treated as delicately as I was. I remember hearing, "boys will be boys."
As a child myself no other events really stick out in my mind, except that I was always dressed in dresses, skirts, really 'girly' things. I also remember not being able to get a toy car when I wanted one Posts: 8 | From: NZ | Registered: Oct 2010
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When I was in nursery school, we had Tidy-Up Time at the end of the day, where we had to put back all the toys and stuff. Sometimes it was "Tidy-Up Time for the girls" and sometimes it was "for everyone", but never did only the boys have to tidy up. Even back then I thought this was unfair, particularly since, to the eyes of a five-year-old girl, the boys certainly seemed to make more mess, though I don't recall how true that was. I don't know why they did it that way.
I also recall being really pleased to be mistaken for a boy a couple of times when I was about ten. I'm pretty much cisgendered now, but I still quite like the idea of being able to pass as a guy. I just don't seem to have many opportunities to do so ... hm, something to look for.
Posts: 419 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
I also don't remember ever dressing up in my mother's clothes, but I have very distinct memories of dressing up in my dad's clothes and glasses once. Though I don't know if that's because I never dressed in my mother's clothes or because I did that frequently enough that I didn't think it was worth remembering.
Posts: 419 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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People (boys in high school, parents) saying "you don't hit a girl."
Wow, that tidy-up time thing is messed up.
And I also like the androgynous look; I have short hair (long for a boy, though, kind of like boys in bands) and I'm, um, not very obviously a girl, except for being tiny. But boys can be tiny and androgynous, too.
-------------------- the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead Posts: 26 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Dec 2010
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Yeah, even when I was five I thought there was something deeply wrong with that arrangement.
I was in an all-girls school between the ages of eleven and eighteen, and in the final year I kind of dabbled with the idea of going to the May Ball in a tux instead of a dress, as I'd been forced to wear skirts as part of my much-hated school uniform. Mother told me it was a bad idea because "they might think you're coming out of the closet". I was mildly offended - what if that HAD been my intention? - but I didn't press the issue because I didn't want to start an argument over a hypothetical situation, and I wore the dress. (I'll mention that my mother is well-meaning but clueless on such issues, and leave it at that.)
Posts: 419 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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I was fortunate enough to have parents who did not treat children different based on gender. They bought the clothes we wanted to wear and the toys. In my neighborhood boys could play with barbies and dress up, no one cared. Girls could play legos and football. It was actually a lot of fun. The issue was for me when I hit 12 and one of the neighbors parents decided for sleep overs that boys and girls now had to be in seperate rooms. Instantly a division was made and almost like dominos it fell over into every area of our lives. I do not know if it is avoidable. Differences exist.
The concept got me thinking, well it makes sense for us to naturally start to respond to these differences. Made me think of high school when boys would offer to carry books. For boys that were through puberty those books would feel a lot lighter and easier to carry. It is not the same situation for everyone, some gals are stronger than some guys, etc.
I remember going to a dance club, women only were allowed on the various stages. Now the stages were nothing special, it was a standard club but it was a limitation for all males in the bar. Men were not allowed to reach up on the stages either. Provided an opportunity to "retreat" for gals at club and still dance.
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