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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » TG-friendly hairdresser?

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Author Topic: TG-friendly hairdresser?
Djuna
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Is anyone aware of a good TG-friendly hairdresser in London? I'm not on the largest budget, and I'm not sure how I feel about marching into Toni and Guy armed with a few women's photos. The nearest T&G to my friend's house is in Twickenham, which is quite suburban, and the kind of place I occasionally get funny looks if I go out in women's clothing (even if not cross-dressed per se).

Also, the appointment I have at the minute is with a student hairdresser, which makes it cheaper, and I've done that before and there's great supervision, but I'm concerned about perhaps the amount of professionalism around that sort of thing from a less experienced stylist. While I can certainly stand up for myself if I'm not being treated right, it would sort of ruin my day (especially if it's halfway through the cut and I have to leave).

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Heather
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Just put out a call on our Twitter. Will holler back if I hear anything.

I do also think you can call salons and ask, too.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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Thanks - and yes, I had thought about just calling, but how might I go about that conversation? I honestly couldn't figure out what to say in that situation.
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Heather
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Well, how are you identifying your gender/place where you're at in transition right now? How would YOU like to be identified by someone else who would be providing you that service?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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Well, I don't really know. I'm not sure how I go about figuring that out. I think I know where I might like to be, but not really where I am now.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Heather
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Do you want to talk about that? I'm a bit back and forth today, but I can certainly make the time to talk some of this through with you if you like.

Of course, if you need an answer for now for something like making those calls, something like, "I'm in the process of a gender transition, need a haircut, and just want to know if you have any stylists who are particularly trans gender friendly," could work.

Did just find this via Google: http://www.transgenderhairextensions.com/ If you're not looking for extensions, they sound like they'd be good people to call and ask for a referral to a salon that does other things.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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I did see that website - I'll try calling in the morning, hadn't thought of that. The slight problem is that that website uses the name "London" pretty loosely, but what I hadn't thought of is them probably knowing a bit about the TG community elsewhere over London.

I'd love to talk about it some, yeah - I mean, I'm not awfully sure where to start. At the moment I pass as a feminine man, I suppose, although I'm not sure that's how I identify. I started wearing a towel up around my chest coming out of the shower the other day.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Heather
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Well, how would you LIKE to identify? Really, in situations like this -- as in, you're potentially going to see someone for something that's about your identity in a safe situation -- the sky is the limit. It's not the same as situations like at work or school or home where you may have more constraints.

Even here at the boards, for instance, where you can also ID however you want, I've been avoiding calling you the name we know you by because I wasn't sure what you would want to be called now.

Do you have some good books or information to help you out with this process?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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There was a website I'd been looking at in terms of the more technical information - as for how I feel about it, I'm reading Orlando by Virginia Woolf which deals with sex change (albeit paranormal). I was going to dig out Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit again, too, but I'm not really sure what's been written in terms of transgender literature and if there are relevant branches of queer literary theory. I was possibly going to ask one of my lecturers for help there, although I'm not sure if I'd feel super comfortable having that conversation.

I don't really have any nonfiction dealing with gender. I did stumble across some choice passages of Germaine Greer, whom I had somewhat naively assumed would be supportive.

I guess what I have in my head of how I'd like to ID is something approaching the stereotype of Parisian women (not that I believe in stereotypes) - I'm quite into fashion that is closer to chic than provocative, which does help at any rate because I've been able to start wearing that kind of stuff, skinny jeans, somewhat feminine tops already without having to worry about how people see me. I'd like to be more in touch with my sexuality too, and I'm aware that it's a misconception on my part to think that women necessarily are or can be moreso than men. With no offence to anyone - again, this is my issue and largely due to a couple of bad sexual situations previously - I find male sexuality quite disturbing, including my own. I think that's maybe part of why I'm having such a lot of trouble dealing with this, too, since it's also a facet of my own maleness.

As for having my hair cut, I'm still at my parents' for a week after I get it done - I'm travelling for six months from July 7th, including studying in Oregon for a semester, and I moved out of my flat to save money. That does constrain me a little, they're not even explicitly aware that I'm bisexual, although they must know on some level. These aren't conversations I'm willing to have with them at this point, and I don't want to provoke them asking. Certainly they're not open to transexuality, I discussed the relevant parts of The Whole Woman with my mother (who's a big Greer fan) to find she agrees with the really anti-trans sentiments there, although perhaps not too strongly, and if I was to get things done on the NHS I know my father would take exception to that as he's against public funding for SRS, IVF and so on (less to do with the issues and more to do with his views on best allocation of the money, but even so). So I don't think either of them would be wonderfully receptive to the idea, although they would probably come round.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Heather
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I've refered that roadmap site before, too, I really like it.

Do you by any chance have a copy of Kate Bornstien's "My Gender Workbook?" If not, it can be an excellent starting point, I think.

And oh, Germaine. You know, I have a lot of respect for her and a lot of love, mostly for what she has done and said a long time ago, but as of late, I have found some of what she has said and written really appalling, which has just broken my heart.

With your haircut and your parents, I was just telling my partner the other day that when I was in high school and punk, I had this great woman who cut my hair who would do what I wanted, but before I went home, would show me how to style it in a way that made it look quasi-normal. [Smile] So, you might be able to ask about something similar.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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Oh! I also want to make sure you know about Genderfork, founded by the wonderful Sarah Dopp, because if you don't, I think it'd be something you'd enjoy a lot.

It's here: http://genderfork.com/

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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I was just thinking about that book, I couldn't remember the name Bornstein. I don't mean to name drop, but I read the first few chapters in City Lights Bookstore when I was in SF and loved it but had no cash on me at the time. Also it seemed good to me but the quiz style rang alarm bells (sort of like the online "am I transgender" tests you see which don't really stand up), so I'm glad someone else thinks it is a good book. I might get it on Amazon. I might do that tonight. [Smile]

I agree re: Germaine Greer, I really got into reading her books when I was in medical school (like "The Change" and medicalisation of reproductive/sexual life, etc), but she seems to have written/said a lot of things I'm not happy with at all in like the early 90s.

That's a good idea with the hair, although altering who I am for my parents is something my counsellor has expressed concern about a few times, like my mother coming to stay the night at my flat at university, when I felt I had to 'remove all signs of homosexuality' from my room. I don't know whether it would be helpful or not. I guess it depends how out-there the haircut is. [Wink]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Heather
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I think it's a good book for a starting place. I know some folks find it a little 101, but I figure sometimes we need the 101. Plus, Kate is great, amazing people.

I can see why your counselor would say that, for sure.

Just so you know, you've been around here such a long time, and I am absolutely in your corner. I'm glad to see you when you come back around, and I wonder how you're doing often. You've been through a lot in the years we've known you, and I so hope that you're moving towards a time and place where you can be who you are and find what you need.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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That means an awful lot to hear. Thank you! [Smile]

This place, and especially you, Heather, and everyone here has been so supportive in the - wow, four years I've been here. You've helped form so much of me. Until very, very recently I didn't have anywhere I could go to talk about this kind of thing.

Somehow I'd gotten to thinking I was being a pain when I came back here (which, don't get me wrong, was my own issue). It means an awful lot. [Smile]

-

I think the 101-ness about that book is exactly what I liked about it, come to think. It seems to me that a lot of writing about transgender issues assumes your mind is made up.

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Djuna
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So I made an appointment for tomorrow morning - I think I'm just going to be pretty out-there with how I have it styled and worry about making it pass at home later. I'm staying at a friend's house tomorrow night so I have some time [Smile] Wish me luck, I'm a little nervous!

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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