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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Name/Sex/Gender Yourself!

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Author Topic: Name/Sex/Gender Yourself!
Executive Director & Founder
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For this thread, you get to come in and give yourself whatever name YOU want (if any), not what your parents or someone else picked for you. You get to assign yourself a sex (if any), not a doctor at birth. You get to name your own gender (if any), not accept what gender or gender role(s) you got given by others.

Maybe you already do this in your life, or with online accounts like at Scarleteen. Maybe you already HAVE the name, sex and gender you'd pick for yourself (so if you share your name, do make it only a first name to protect your privacy, or just type something like "my same name").

But maybe you don't. Plenty of people don't get any or all of what they'd want in this regard, more folks than a lot of people tend to realize, and it can feel pretty good, even if you only do it in a limited exercise like this, to make and state your own chosen identity. For people whose assignments are radically different than their own identities, it feels a lot more than just pretty good: it's revolutionary.

You can talk about your whys with any of this if you'd like, or you can skip'em: whatever works for you. I'll go first so you can get a sense of what I mean.

So, if I got to pick all of this for myself, it'd be...

Name: Max
Sex: Only in the moment
Gender: Only in the moment

I have always loved the name Max. For some reason, I always feel like Max sounds like a good friend, a good mentor, like someone friendly, funny and trustworthy. I also like that it's a very gender-neutral name, one that doesn't lend itself easily to people making quick gender assumptions.

Growing up, and still now, I've never liked that both the names my parents picked for me were pretty girlified. Sometimes, when I was younger, I'd shorten my middle name to "Corin," because that at least sounded a little less so. But I like Max a lot better. [Smile]

Per both my sex and gender, ideally I'd not have to pick any in any permanent way, but could identify as I liked only in the moment. When it all comes down to it, I just have never really understood why anyone NEEDS that information in any permanent way, nor what practical purpose it actually serves most of the time. As someone who has been queer my whole life per my orientation, it's rarely made any difference to me what sex or gender someone is from my perspective, in my life, as separate from outside systems as anyone can be. In some parts of my work it kind of can make a difference, but even then, not really: if I'm doing work where I need to deal with or know about someone's body parts, I can ask what parts they have or look.

I can live with the fact that I was sexed female at birth, and living in a world that asks for gender identities, I usually do identify as a woman. While I'm not completely comfortable with that, mostly because of the assumed roles that can come with that, I'm not completely uncomfortable with it either. When my choices are man, woman, genderqueer or agender, woman does seem to fit best. But ideally, I'd never have to make that choice, and could instead just identify as the way I felt in that phase of life, that year, that day or even just in that moment. or I could just be me, without affixing to gender at all.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Awesome idea! [Smile]

Name: Joey
Sex: female
Gender: whatever the heck feels right at the time

I've had the nickname Joey since freshman year of high school, and I have always preferred it to my actual name. My first and middle names are very feminine, and also very traditional and old-fashioned (I was named after my great-grandmother, if that gives you an idea). I didn't like my name at all growing up, and always had one nickname or another, but Joey is the one that stuck. I like it because it's gender-neutral and because it's a whole lot more fun and playful. It's also a name that I got to chose for myself, and as such it feels much more authentic to me.

As far as my sex is concerned, I've always been comfortable with being female. If I could have the opportunity to spend a day or two in a male body, I'd totally go for it. But on the whole, female works for me. (Now, as far as the whole system of having sex be a defining characteristic is concerned, I find it pretty useless.)

Gender, on the other hand, has always seemed more like a spectrum to me, rather than two concrete identities. I have a difficult time figuring out where feminine is supposed to end, and masculine is supposed to start. The whole concept of having two separate genders just doesn't work for me. I could never just put myself in one box, and I don't feel like trying.

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Name: "same as the present"
Sex: female
Gender: female; but perhaps only because I've been conditioned to be so

Although I will not reveal my name, it is unique. It is French and has an accent, which makes me feel special and different. It is distinctly female, although I've never considered it that way. I've grown up being called "my name" my whole life, and I wouldn't want to change that.

Sex, I'm am biologically female, and quite comfortable as so. I love having a period and being able to become pregnant one day. I love having breasts and just being a woman. Being male would be an interesting change, but I wouldn't be me.

As per gender, I've really only just begun realizing that sex and gender are very separate. I identify as female, but really what does that mean anyway? I can remember being little and thinking about how I would "have to" wear makeup when I got older, which I realize now is untrue. I tend to go through periods of feeling very "feminine", I wear skirts and jewelery, put of makeup, take extra time doing my hair (although I've never mastered it, my hair always seems to turn out the same if I spend 20 seconds on it or 20 minutes), etc. But other times (such as now), I'm more comfortable in baggy shorts (although not so baggy that they don't stay up) and tight, but plain tank tops (to me tank tops are regular shirts with no sleeves, I've heard this term used to describe belly shirts, however, so I thought I'd clarify). I wouldn't call this style masculine, but is is certainly not the epitome of "feminine". I don't wear makeup and I wear little if any jewelery. I feel cleaner, fresher, truer to my body.

I'm not sure whether my perspective will change on gender as time goes on or not. I think the concept of public restrooms segregated by gender silly, male-female stereotypes odd, but that's about all.

I'm just happy being me.


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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I like this thread. [Smile]

Name: Dorian
Sex: female
Gender: whatever I felt like

I've always loved the name Dorian, I don't quite know why, but I really like the fact that it's a bit unusual and not really typically "masculine" or "feminine". My real name is very very girly, and also a little bit old-fashioned - I was named after my mother's sister and my dad's sister and have never liked either my first or middle names all that much.

As for my sex, I've actually always felt very comfortable with having a female body. Like Joey, I wouldn't turn down the chance to have a male one for a day or two just to see what it's like, but my female body feels very me and I feel very at home in it. The majority of the time, I identify as a woman as well, although there are some days when I feel more agendered, and moving back and forth along the gender spectrum as I please would be awesome.

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Great thread! [Smile]

Name: Joseph
Sex: female
Gender: feminine

Joseph is my current name, and I don't know honestly what I would change it to. Jo would be too ambiguous and I'm not keen on Jo or Joe anyway. Josephine is a name I got called by as an insult a lot as a kid because of being (I suppose) more feminine in character. I perhaps quite like Jane, but it's something I need to think about.

My major is english literature and I take a creative writing minor - it's quite odd, most of the characters I identify well with and most of the characters I write are female. My lecturer was saying something in class about how writers tend to struggle writing from the point of view of the 'opposite' sex, and I mentioned that I found the reverse to be true. His response was "that's interesting... none of it's particularly fixed, y'know. Voice is a different thing," or something like that, which was pretty awesome. [Smile]

“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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Name: Val
Sex: female
Gender: female?

I like Val because I usually hear it as a girl name (like short for Valerie) but it's not an overly prettified girl name, like Isabella or Adrianna.

I think I feel the same way September does about the sex and gender categories. I'm comfortable being female, and it works for me, but it would be cool to spend a day with a guy body! I'm also not sure where feminine end and masculine begins, but as far as looks go I prefer to look "girly". But as for the rest I don't know, so that's why I put a question mark.

That was fun. =)

The meaning of happiness is whatever you want it to be.

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Name: Luna
Sex: Female
Gender: Female

I've always liked the name Luna. It's not really because of the gender assigned to it, though. I just like its sound and meaning (means moon is Spanish, my primary(?) language). The pronunciation is just nice, and the meaning...well, I've always been fascinated with the moon, so it kind of makes sense. I think it'd be wonderful to be named after something I consider so beautiful. [Smile]

I'm not really fond of either of my two names. The first's last syllable is too strong, and the second I just don't like at all, that's it.

As for my sex and gender, I feel quite comfortable as a female. I love myself as one. I don't consider myself (that?) girly. I wear tank tops, jeans and shoes most of the time, and usually don't enjoy having too much makeup. I do like wearing dresses sometimes, both casually and for special occasions. I like how my body shape is accentuated by them, I guess.

Like Joey and Karybu, I'd definitely be interested in knowing what being a man feels like just for a day or some short period of time, but I think that's as far as it'd go.

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Shonne Elijah
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Name: Shonne (pronounced like Sean or Shawn) Elijah Rose
Sex: -
Gender: Androgynous/Neutrois, Still kinda figuing it out. I know I'm some kind of genderqueer [Smile]

I guess what I like about Shonne is, though it is originally a "boy's name", it's sort of evolved into a unisex name. Plus my spelling of it is rather "feminine", which kind of represent's me as a girly-boi. My original name never really felt like it was mine.
The whole sex thing is just something I avoid. I've never felt like a male or a female. Not to sound like a wuss, but the whole dividing people by what's between their legs actually just kind of grosses me out. As for my gender, it's sort of changing. Sometimes I think I'm androgynous, sometimes neutrois, sometimes I just go with genderqueer. I wear what I want, whether it's a pastel colored dress or a motorcycle jacket and army boots. I generally just use the women's bathroom, because I can pass well enough and I get less weird looks for using a stall. I'm very comfortable with my femininity and masculinity, but I have trouble accepting having a sex. It just feels like something other people have that I'm not supposed to have. I just wish I could run from the whole genital-thing. Too bad it's strapped onto me all the time, permanently.

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Trumpet Master
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Name: Taylor or Adriane
Sex: female
Gender: ummmm... I'll get back to ya on that

I guess I chose those names because they are kinda gender nutral and they sound cool to me. I am a woman but if the oppertunity came up to be in a guys body I would tottaly go for it just to try it. My gender is a very complicated thing. I shop in the mens section and usually wear baggy athletic shorts and any old raggy t-shirt that I find in my closet. Even though I dress like a guy I sometimes like to wear makeup and jeans and a tank top(these times usually happen aroundy period LOL). I like to do usually male dominated things too. Like shoot guns and watch sports and stuff like that. In my group of guy friends I was "just another one of the guys" LOL....

I say you love who you love. Lust over who you lust over. And are happy with who you are happy with. Everything inbetween doesn't matter!!!

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Name: Jenga
Sex: female
Gender: female

My real name is about as boring as it gets; it's in the top 10 list of girls' names and I've never been in any sort of class that didn't have someone else with my name! Jenga, on the other hand, is what I would have been named if my dad had had anything to do with it! See, one day when my mom was pregnant with me, him and his friend were listening to Jengo Reinhardt (the guitarist) and my dad commented that if the baby was a boy, they should name it Jengo. One of them said that if it was a girl, then they could name it Jenga. My mom thought it was too weird and that I would get made fun of. It's almost like she wanted her child to fit in! ***shudder*** Anyway, I love the name Jenga and I might even legally change my name!

I'm not sure what the difference is between sex and gender, but I definetly identify as female. I mean, what could I do as a boy that I can't do as a girl, anyway?

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Magpie, if you're looking for an explanation of the difference between sex and gender, check it out: Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Name: Can't really think of one, and I'd only change my mind five minutes later. I think my real name is kind of frumpy, but there's nothing it can really be shortened to and I don't want to start using a name that's nothing like my real name in real life, as people would get confused. It's a perfectly good solid name, anyway, even if it's not very exciting.

Sex: Bio-female.

Gender: Somewhat unfeminine female. I wear men's clothes and no makeup, and a lot of my interests are stereotypically masculine, but when I think about it I definitely think "girl" for some intangible reason. I did, however, enjoy my one attempt at passing as a boy, even if I wasn't all that good at it. Wouldn't want to stay a boy, but it's fun to test out sometimes.

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Name: Nola. It's my real life name, and I've only met a few people who share it. It's nice and short, and simple to spell. And I get complimented on it often. The only real problems with my current name are that in conversation, people tend to get it wrong (So your name's Nora? Noah? Lola?) and that it's associated with a city (New Orleans).

Sex: Female. My current sex.

Gender: Female- but my own awesome interpretation of female. When I think of womanhood, of of being female, I think of grace, and strength, and freedom. So, I walk tall, and try to carry myself gracefully, to do things that make me feel strong.

Not that pretending to be a boy wouldn't be fun. [Smile]

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Name: I often would kind of like it if my name was Madison, so let's go with that for today. My real name is really popular in my age-group. I'm not wild about it, which means I either mumble or compensate by sounding wildly enthusaistic when I introduce myself.

Sex: Bio-female

Gender: I think, flexible. Or I'd like to either be able to have flexi-gender or for gender to not be a major governor in how people should react to things people do.

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Name: Any of the three commonly used names/nicknames for me, one of those being my birth name.

Sex: Male

Gender: Androgynous Male

(it's weird though, I like my sex as a female and don't want to change it, but if I could ever choose a sex I'd be male from the start. [Razz] )

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Natalie H
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Name: Nadia
Sex: Female
Gender: Dyke

I like using dyke, because to me it isn't an extremely butch lesbian, but definitely is not fem. Also, it's vague enough that I think I can cross dress and not be called trans or a drag king. [Razz]

Bicycle? I prefer a homocycle.

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Name: Julia, same as now, because when ask myself who I am that is the first thing that comes to mind. I would like to start asking more people to use "Jules" some of the time, though, because I like the way it sounds and the idea of having a nickname.

Sex: Female. I really enjoy being in a female body, breasts, hips, vulva, menstruation, the whole package. I'm lucky enough to have my body match up with my self-perception really well.

Gender: Me. When I really think about it, I realize that the concept of gender doesn't mean anything to me personally. I have no objections to other people labeling their genders, I just feel that gender and the expression thereof vary so much from one person to another that I just think of each person's gender individually, without the external reference needed to make it "male", "female", "in between", "fluid" or anything else. I have no attachment to being thought of as any particular gender, as long as I still get to be me in people's minds.

Thanks for posting this, Heather! I had a lot of feelings about gender that I didn't consciously realize until I thought about it just now. I'm not sure whether it clarified things or confused them more, but I'm happy either way.

[ 10-17-2010, 02:24 AM: Message edited by: TheTasteOfPurple ]


The highest result of education is tolerance. -Helen Keller

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Name: Damien
Sex: Hermaphodrite (If I spelled that correctly)
Gender: I'm a rainbow

As far as names go, I really like the name Damien: It is gender-nuetral. To me it describes someone who is laid back, but can make a fuss, thinks real deep, and can be serious if they want to. Also, they can be crude...(I'm not exactly the most polite person...far from it a lot of the time, but can be genuinely sweet.) Overall, it just fits.

I always thought it was cool to be two sexes. I wanted a penis for a while, but most of the time I like my breasts...

I am a rainbow...I may feel like a boy in the morning, andryonne in the afternoon, and really feminine and reminiscent in my oncoming womanhood in the evening.

I am a fail waiting to epically win.

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Name: Elizabeth, or Jessica, or Nicole. real name is Erin, but I am utterly in love with names that were popular a while ago...the kind of names that would be in books by the Bronte sisters. For that matter, the names *of* the Bronte sisters. Charlotte, Emily, Anne...those are the kinds of names I've always wanted.

Sex: female. I like my parts.

Gender: definitely feminine. I love being girly. I would wear fancy dresses every day if I could...they just make me so happy. I love short skirts and v-neck tops, but after spending most of my growing-up years in jeans and baggy shirts, every time I wore feminine clothing, or anything outside jeans and baggy shirts, I got funny looks.
(which would be why every so often I dug out my ultra-tight, snakeskin-patterned jeans. Those were FUN! Sometimes I like making people look)

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Name: Sammy/Sam
Sex: Female
Gender: Feminine

For my name, I like Sammy or Sam, when people hear sam they don't really categorize me as a girl immediately. So when they see me they can then know what gender I am [Smile]

As for my sex, i'm perfectly fine with the fact of being female. I love my breasts, vulva and everything that comes with it!

When it comes to gender, most people say i'm a tom-boy. I don't really do girly things... like painting my nails or dressing up, I only do this for dances and such, but I still love doing it regardless! It's just not a priority. I do put on makeup but just simple eye liner [Smile] I like to dress like a...I guess you could say "biker chick" haha but only to an extent. Growing up I always hung out with the guys, never with girls, and its still this way. But no one ever said i'm one of the guys, they know i'm clearly a girl who enjoys boy activities.

[ 02-23-2011, 02:01 PM: Message edited by: Controversy ]

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Name - Labiana PuffnStuff... just kidding. Maybe Awesome McCoolName. I kind of like Jemaione (which I made up because I was looking at my Flight of the Conchords DVD sets)... seriously I have no idea what I'd pick - ooh! I'd love for my surname to be Rustlerose.
Sex - Female, or just the name of my chromosomal structure. I'm perfectly happy with my body as it is, I like my breasts and vulva and vagina and wide hips and so on.
Gender - Agender, I have no sense of identification with any gender, I just think of myself as me.

Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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Name: Jamie (I would change my surname too, but I don't know what to!). I like this name because it isn't gender specific and therefore isn't super girly/boyish but can be. It isn't really associated with any one culture or ethnicity either. My name at the moment is Jenna ( I can't remember who after, my great, great nan I think) and my middle name is Shahezana ( after some ancient Persian princess that was in some sort of fairy tale or story- I couldn't spell it properly until I was like 9 or something).

Sex: Which ever way the wind blows. [Razz]
I'm biologically female, and sometimes don't mind (even like it), but I often really hate it, so I'd love being able to be whoever I was at that moment in time.

Gender: As above. Even now I identify as female sometimes and male other times. I like the flexibility. [Smile]

Great topic by the way xD

-x- JenBug24 -x-

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Name: I don't know
Sex: I don't know
Gender: I don't know

I suppose I have the freedom to choose. But what is choosing your self? Sometimes, even in my tremendous growth as an individual, I still don't feel free from the pressure of my social world to be slim, smart, organized, witty, active, womanly, girly, appropriate, constructed. Either way I choose, my life is riddled with an anxious uncertainty. Maybe, I should name myself the title of the thesis I want to write. I would be sexless. And my gender would be passion.

[...]But I who am bound by my mirror/as well as my bed/see causes in color/as well as sex/and sit here wondering/which me will survive/all these liberations.
--Audre Lorde

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Name: Esther
Sex: Female
Gender: Femme

I've always really liked the name Esther. It doesn't fit very well with my middle and last names, though, and I love those. I might end up choosing it as my Hebrew name when I convert to Judaism, but I'm not sure yet. I like a lot of Hebrew names. [Smile] Either way, I'm fairly happy with my given first name, and am likely to keep on using it in most settings.

I identify with the sex I was born into (female). While I'm not always entirely comfortable with my body, I am certainly comfortable with its female-ness. I thoroughly enjoy all of my primary and secondary sex characteristics.

I've identified as a girl/woman most of my life, though I've gone through some more masculine and more feminine periods. Recently (in the past year-ish), I've begun to use femme as the term for my gender identity, and I'm very happy with it. I do genuinely enjoy traditionally "girly" things, but I also am very aware of consciously performing femininity. I'm far more comfortable in my femme-inity now than I ever really was in my femininity.

[ 03-04-2011, 03:39 AM: Message edited by: feefiefofemme ]

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Name: (my name)
Sex: Male
Gender: Myself - I'm not a stereotypical male (if they even exist [Wink] ) but I am happy enough with my body. I am a deep thinker, and I have picked up some social skills along the way. Thankfully I'm got past the point of wondering whether I am "normal" or not. I don't think anyone is. Normal is a dictionary definition/"concept" more than it is something that really happens in real life. [Wink] Life is a continuum, just like people. [Smile]

Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 60186

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Name: Kale
Sex: Male
Gender: Male

Kale has been a name that has stuck with me for quite some time. It sounds peaceful to me, as well as someone who would be a good listener, as well as someone that would be awesome to sit around and play video games with. I feel I would fit this, and, if not, I would try my darn hardest to! It's the name of the nice, average guy from down the street the smiles at everyone he passes, or, at least that's how I feel about it.

I'm... Still unsure about what sex I am. But, I feel there is another side of me that holds "Kale".

As for gender... Well, I would probably be more male then female, seeing as how I act now, but, that's not saying I wouldn't have a bit of a feminine side hiding somewhere.

Posts: 3 | From: Memphis, Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Name: Rein
Sex: female
Gender: chapstick or butch

I guess if I had my way- no parents say- I'd look kinda guy-ish but I've never really thought about it. I know I'm a girl but it's not by looks?

Anyway... [Big Grin]

Call me what you will but I think you should know, I only answer to my name.

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Name: Allania, I'd choose this name because I only know one person with this name and I just love that feeling of unique-ness as my given name is really common.

Sex & Gender: Female, this is awkward for me to talk about atm because I'm struggling with feelings of gender dysphoria and am only just entering the system in terms of long term transition. My main problem is that I have no privacy in which I could experiment with these feelings. I feel that to be able to do that would be a major point for me in terms of being able to properly come to terms with the person I see myself as.

Posts: 9 | From: Knaresborough, UK | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Demolition Lover
Member # 60602

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Name: Charlie
Sex: Female
Gender: Whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like.

Charlie because it's gender neutral. You can be a guy, but you can be a girl, and I like that.
I'm definitely female, and I'll stay female, but I hate it when I'm stereotyped. So what if one day I'll wear a skirt and jewellery, and the next I wouldn't be seen dead in one? I'm me, not a stereotype, and I kind of.. change my feelings I guess. Like, I've just started growing my hair and wearing skirts and jewellery, but I know at some point I'll cut it again and I'll go back to 'tomboy'.I'm just me.

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Saffron Raymie
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Name: Rey

Sex: Of the moment. Though in those moments when it is significant (like pregnancy and sometimes sex, I love my body; it's vulva, it's amazing Pearl, it's breast fat)

Gender: Agender. However, sometimes I can be Dyke, flexible, male, femme or genderqueer if it's fun; it's pretty of the moment but the default resting state is agender or genderqueer.

Shonne Elijah Rose - wonderful name, wonderful definition of 'dyke'. I also always saw it as a kinda rock 'n' rock mix of butch and femme. BabyDyke is also cool [Big Grin]

[ 04-04-2011, 03:28 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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bump on a log
Member # 60751

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Name: My own name. It's an unambiguously female name, but doesn't sound too 'femme', and is unusual. And I like it.

Sex: Male.

Gender: Male, largely. On the Accepting Dad blogspot, a blog written by the father of a now-twelve-year-old gender-variant boy, which I urge everyone to check out, he states, "My son in conversations with his counselor created the terms 'heshe' and 'shehe' to describe middle genders where one or the other gender was dominant, and the other a lesser but vital part of the identity." I really like that. Assuming 'heshe' means 'mostly male, but with an important bit of female too', that's what I am.

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