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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » I just don't know what's wrong with me

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Author Topic: I just don't know what's wrong with me
Piano Girl
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Member # 47248

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So here's the rundown. I'm a girl and don't know much in terms of sexuality- like I haven't done anything, well, anything with anyone else, so i'm pretty open with defining what I am. At the beginning of this year I met this amazing guy who is 4 years my senior. As the year went on I became more and more attracted to him and started liking him on a sexual level. Here's the catch- he's gay. As much as I try to get over him, I keep reverting back to my crush on him when we interact. I know I can't "change" him and I wouldn't want him to change. He is amazing the way he is, I only wished he liked me too. I am, to my friends, "over him" but I know that if ever he even drunkenly asked me to fool around with him, I would. I feel really stupid about liking him and get really beat myself down about how retarded I am for liking someone who is gay, once to the point of throwing up. I just don't know what is wrong with me.
Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Let's not use "retarded" here as a slur, okay?

That said, no matter what the reason is, lots of people have a romantic or sexual interest in people who don't share that interest. Whether it's because he's gay or just not interested, the why here isn't really an issue, you know? Even if he were straight or bi and just not interested, you'd still be in this spot.

Sometimes when people kind of cling on to a person this way where they know they're not going to feel the same way back it's because they actually kind of feel comfortable with that fact, even if it's not actually all that comfortable. In a lot of ways, it's kind of safe to attach yourself to something that can't or won't happen, if you get me.

Maybe that's where you're at, maybe it isn't, but I don't see any reason to beat yourself up about this. You like someone who doesn't like you in the same way back: okay, that happens. You still have strong feelings: that happens, too. Chances are that in time, this will fizzle out for you, especially if you try and pursue relationships with others who do or might reciprocate your feelings.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Piano Girl
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Thanks. I really just felt like there was something wrong with me for liking him, but I can see myself liking him because it is a safe option. I always just thought that I was the only person in the world who was liked someone of the opposite orientation.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Nope, you're absolutely not. And again, I'd remind yourself that all that's really about is you liking someone in a given way who either doesn't, can't or is unable to like you back in the same way, that's all.

That always stinks, but it's also certainly not unusual or uncommon. And knowing why they don't share the same feelings back -- whether it's because their orientation doesn't include you, because they're depressed, because they're in love with someone else -- also doesn't always make interest just come to a grinding halt. It will often take time for people to get over feelings they have for someone unavailable or who doesn't return them.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
IraSass
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Member # 50013

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I have definitely been attracted to people with whom it would never work because they had an incompatible sexual orientation.

I'd like to add, though, that drunk people can't give explicit consent. So please don't rely on alcohol to create sexual situations that wouldn't happen sober - it usually doesn't turn out well for anyone.

Posts: 9 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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