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Author Topic: gay? straight? Bi? transgender?
highplains
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Im 20 years old and still confused about my sexuality. Ive had three girl friends, all of which I was very sexually active, and of which I enjoyed a lot. I have never been with a man but often fantasize about it. Yet when I fantasize about it, I fantasize about me being a woman, not a man. Gay porn does not interest me, straight porn however does, I can fantasize about being the woman or the man, but usually I finish quicker when I am the woman. I feel extremely attracted to women, everytime one walks by with a short skirt I immediatly start to get an erection. Men however I am attracted to but not as strongly. Even though I am 20, I still feel I am not fully matured as I often can not control my erection in a public setting and often masturbate two times a day. Im not sure what to think, am I straight cause Im attracted to women? Am I gay cause I masturbate about men dominating me as a woman? or am I trangender/transexual? Someone told me online that I am most likely transexual and I would be more comfortable being a female. I dont want this, Im comfortable being a male in society but the idea did charge me sexually. Im very confused. any thought/comments would help. thanks
Posts: 2 | From: minnesota | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluejumprope
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People often fantasize about sexual activities, dynamics and identities that they do not want to actually participate in or live as in real life. This is totally normal and I think pretty great.

Sexual orientation is mostly determined by what you want to do in real life. Orientation is the answer to "Who do you want as partners?" Gender identity is the answer to "How do you experience your gender and how do you want others to perceive your gender?"

From the info you gave, it seems clear you're happy with your gender presentation as it is now, and you're happy being sexual with women and have some interest in being sexual with men. That tends to be called bisexual. But only you can define your orientation.

Also, I want to say, having erections in public and masturbating is not "immature." Erections happen when there's arousal--it has nothing to do with immaturity or maturity, it's a natural response. And masturbating is something people of all ages do and how often one masturbates is not an indicator of maturity.

[ 12-15-2008, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: bluejumprope ]

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

Posts: 407 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Loser
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Highplains,

To me, you sound like a crossdresser/transvestite, and I know the media has made that phrase pretty taboo, but it's not bad.
It's pretty much mostly male identifying individuals who dress up as females for one reason or another - sexually/because they feel like it/ whatever.
Transgender is an umbrella term for lots of things - Transsexuals, intersex, genderqueer, transvestites, et cetera.

So if you do decide that you are a crossdresser/transvestite then you would be, by technical terms, transgender.
There's nothing wrong with being turned on by imagining being a woman or dressing up as one, but then being completely comfortable being male in society.
Orientation wise you do sound bisexual, but only you can determine that.

I myself am a female to male transsexual, so that is why I know quite a bit about this, although, transvestism can be a controversial subject at times.

For me personally, there was nothing sexual to it. I am a male, mentally therefore took such measures to have my body match that physically.
That is how most transsexuals are.
But yes, that all fits under "transgender".

Hope that helped some.

Posts: 24 | From: Midwestern Region | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Just FYI, The Loser, transvestitism actually is often not included in definitions of transgender, because it more often tends to be solely about sexual behaviour, rather than gender identity, and the majority of transvestites are cisgender men, which is what the OP also seems to be expressing his identity is.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68251 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bluejumprope
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I just wanted to add my personal story, in case it's helpful.

I'm a butch bisexual woman who is mainly attracted to women. In my fantasies though there is often a charge in imagining I'm a femme straight woman--a gender presentation and orientation I feel minimal connection to in real life.

There is also a huge charge for me in fantasizing about being a straight or gay man (cis- and trans). However, in sexual relationships, I almost always experience myself as a woman and want to be perceived as a woman. And, even though men are often in my fantasies, my interest in actually having sex with men just isn't that strong.

Something having an erotic charge and something feeling like our identity or orientation are two different things. There may be crossover, but I wanted to say that for me at least, even though I get off on imagining having sex as a man, I still primarily experience myself as a woman and want strangers and people I'm close to to see me that way. I also enjoy drag, and I sometimes enjoy playing with being a boy with partners (and occasionally out in the world), but I still experience myself as a woman.

[ 12-15-2008, 11:29 AM: Message edited by: bluejumprope ]

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without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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The Loser
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Oh well, I don't know. I try to stay away from that topic because I've been on message boards with men who identify as transvestites/crossdressers and call themselves transgender so, I dunno. Like I said it gets very confusing.
Sorry.

Posts: 24 | From: Midwestern Region | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
highplains
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It is confusing to me why I fantasize about being a woman, but maybe bluejumprope and others have a point and that just because I fantasize about this, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm interested in being a woman. Thanks to everyone, you've been very helpful.
Posts: 2 | From: minnesota | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Honestly?

I think sometimes things like this being confusing can just be a mater of overthinking them.

What I hear you saying is that you are sexually attracted to women. That given, what is so unusual about psychologically/sexually putting yourself in their shoes? Does you see what I mean?

It's not uncommon for any of us, whatever our sexual orientation or gender identity to find kinds of role play or role reversal exciting or arousing. That can seem bigger than it is, or more confusing than it is, if we get stuck in the idea that gender is very binary, or that there is a "right" role for us, rather than a myriad of roles we might find compelling or feel at home in.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mmmsunshine
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Perhaps this has more to to with being aroused by the idea of being the submissive one...(?) Which is typically associated with women.
This wouldn't mean that you are transgender or anything like that. Just that you would like to be dominated.

But like others have said, I wouldn't overthink this... just have fun and be safe!

Posts: 2 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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