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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Am I Transgender?

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Author Topic: Am I Transgender?
Sore Throat
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Hey, I'm fifteen years old... actually going to be sixteen tomorrow and this past summer I've come to the realization that I'm a lesbian.
I've always felt oddly out of place in numerous events in my childhood. I've always been uncomfortable with being with other girls et cetera, and at first I thought that was why, but now I have reason to believe that I might be transgender.

I find myself struggling to try to look like a guy as much as I can - as I already dress like a guy and wear my hair extremely short like a guy. I've been trying to find breast flatteners to get rid of the humps that they make in my t-shirts. Not because I'm embarrassed of them or anything, I just don't like them. I don't want them there. I've had them since I was 12, and I just can't stand them.
At first I thought that I was just a "butch" lesbian, but I'm starting to think otherwise..

If you want, I can elaborate more, but my question is, do you think I am transgender?
I know this is probably an impossible question to answer as you don't know me or you are not me, but I really need some advice.

I can answer any questions you may have on the subject or like I said above - elaborate more, as I know this is short and slightly rushed. My school's internet cuts off in a couple of minutes, that's why.

Thank you for your time,
- Soar Throat.

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If you think you can you can, if you think you can't -- you're right.

Posts: 10 | From: Istanbul, not Constantinople | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Austere
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Let me clear up some terms for u first...

Transsexual = someone going from male to female or female to male. They're the ones who have the downstairs surgery, but not all do. (Like, the surgery for FtM's isn't very good and is really expensive so surgery obviously isn't a requirement here) This is just the term for someone who wants to live as a member of the opposite sex for the rest of their life and wouldn't want to switch back very often

Gender Queer is someone who doesn't really fit in either gender, or frequently switches back and forth

Transgender is an umbrella term that encompasses these two along with transvestites (cross dressers)


With that in mind, from what you've described, you're transgendered, yes, but the question you've got to ask yourself is whether you're a transsexual or gender queer... The best question to ask yourself here is whether you want a penis or a vagina. Or are you not sure or whatever. Also, you need to ask if you'd like to be considered a man or a woman or both//neither.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's also important to note that it's very common for women -- really, for anyone -- during puberty, and in the first few years of body changes -- to feel uncomfortable with those changes. Even cisgendered women can often feel very self-conscious and uncomfortable with their breasts for while, sometimes a long while. Breasts really gender us in a very obvious way, and they often tend to gender us as femme, whether that's how WE gender ourselves or not.

And some cisgendered adult women still feel that way: I've dated more than one butch woman who was XX, and who ID'd as female and felt female, who bound and who wasn't cool most of the time with having her breasts touched.

[ 11-08-2007, 10:09 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Sore Throat
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I'd like to be considered a man and on the weekends, when I go out with my (extremely) close friends, I dress as a guy and have them call me by my guy name, "Tim" and refer to me in male synonyms.
This is because I want my friends to get used to the idea and not be as hard on them when I switch completely (because I am planning on it.)
And also, I'm just sick of being what I don't feel that I am. I feel like every day I'm wearing a costume, so on the weekends I get my relief and I just feel so comfortable that way.
I can easily pass as a guy (and always have) because my voice has always been naturally extremely deep. At school and home, I try to speak more high pitch/feminine so people won't think I'm weird or anything.

One of my friends has been helping me out with this whole thing and we researched all about it last night. I wasn't quite sure before then whether I wanted to get surgery to obtain a penis or not because I was scared it'd be too risky and I might die or something.
I most definitely want my breasts removed and take androgens when I'm out of high school, but I'm not exactly an extremely patient person so that's why I dress up on the weekends cause it just drives me crazy.

I just came out this Summer to my parents as a lesbian because that's what I thought I was until later, when I was able to recognize my discomfort and things like that. If you want more background on situations I've had .. or just more detailed period, just ask and I'll elaborate more.
My parents were a lot better at accepting it than I thought. At first my mom (who is an extreme christian) cried and prayed, but eventually she learned to accept it. I had my first girlfriend but my mom was too scared to meet her and only refers to my (now ex) girlfriend as a "big sister" to me.
My dad however said he didn't care what I was as long as I was in general, a good person. (I love my dad, this is why I want my male name to be Tim jr. off of him).

Sorry this was kind of long. But I have some other questions:
1. How should I tell my parents? What's the best way? I was planning on telling them after I graduate high school to see if they'd help me get surgery but I thought maybe if I told them earlier it'd give them more time to let it sink in and maybe more likely to help me. I just really want to get it done BEFORE I go to college so I don't have to deal with crud.

2. Where/how do I find a doctor to do this stuff? A good one too. I don't want to like.. die. I mean, my mom is a physician but as I'm sure you know, I'm too scared to tell her and she just doesn't understand. I told my sister and she didn't understand either. No one in my family understands!!

3. Do you have to be a certain age to get these operations done? When I graduate, I'll be eighteen and hopefully starting on androgens and possible breast removal. The other operations I can wait for. I'll just wear a strap-on like I do now.

4. What on earth is this craziness about people evaluating you before they give you this stuff? What if I fail that and I truly am a transgender male and then they won't help me and then I'm stuck!!

Once again, I'm sorry this was really long.

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If you think you can you can, if you think you can't -- you're right.

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Heather
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quote:
I feel like every day I'm wearing a costume, so on the weekends I get my relief and I just feel so comfortable that way.
That is an incredibly common sentiment amoung transgendered people.

And yes: before surgery, you do have to go through some other therapies, including talk therapy. But at this point, you aren't going to see a lot of people who are willing to go through all the steps of that process "fail" or be denied what they feel they need. Money is a far larger barrier than anything else, because all of this is very expensive.

I'd say that it's probably a good idea, even before you talk to your parents, to start out by finding a good in-person support, whether that is a trans-friendly therapist or a transgender support group.

Where are you at? In some areas, finding these resources is not difficult, while in others, it's very tough.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sore Throat
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Okay.. I wonder if anyone can even see my post above ...

Um, yeah, I thought I was just going through that puberty discomfort too, and I'm sure there are plenty of non-transgender male people out there that don't want their breasts touched.
I just don't know how else to describe the way I feel. I spent four years of my life before puberty, peeing like a guy -- yes I'm aware that quite impossible but I managed. Every time I went swimming, I'd always wear guy trunks.
Every single article of my clothing was for guys except underwear.
I often went into guy public restrooms just because I felt so awkward in female restrooms. In fact, I had a phobia of female public restrooms for YEARS! Primarily because 1. I didn't feel comfortable, and 2. They'd try to kick me out and say the guy's bathroom was down the hall.

I identify with guys, I think of myself as a guy, I never look in the mirror because I see this body that I'm not familiar with. I just don't feel it. I just really don't feel it. I don't know how else to explain it. Whenever I do, I feel like I'm a crazy person or I have psychological problems - who knows maybe I do. Maybe I'm crazy, but I know I am SO unhappy.
I am so unhappy being this way. There is not one thing about being female that is comfortable to me, not one thing at all. I can't let people touch me - period, anywhere, friendly, meaningless, it doesn't matter. It just feels so weird cause it's like I'm letting people touch a cover that isn't mine and it just feels so weird.

I'm losing my freakin' mind.

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If you think you can you can, if you think you can't -- you're right.

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Heather
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(Are you seeing our other comments? If not, do reload the page...of course, if you aren't, you won't be seeing this one, either...)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sore Throat
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I live near Chicago in Illinois and in Asheville, North Carolina...
I also want to know where I can find really good breast flatteners?
The things that really upset me about this is, 1. my parents, 2. not being able to go to high school reunions.. well i could but then it'd just be REALLY weird. 3. I want to go far far away but I know I'll get really homesick.
Money isn't necessarily a problem IF my parents decide to help me. If they don't, well... I'll just ... God I don't know what I'll do.. I mean I know I could get the money myself but that could take YEARS.
And I really.. it's just NUTS! I was also hoping to start hormones before I stop puberty because I heard it could make you taller and I'm pretty short.. yeah this is just a personal preference..

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If you think you can you can, if you think you can't -- you're right.

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Sore Throat
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Yeah I can now. My net/computer is just really strange..

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If you think you can you can, if you think you can't -- you're right.

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Heather
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For different reasons, I often have bound, and what I have found works best and is the most low-maintenance is simply a sports bra that is a size or two two small. NOT the kind with cups, mind, just the one-piece jobbies. The cheap ones. [Smile]

And yes: if often takes years for trans people to save up the money for surgeries. It also is generally not the greatest idea to start hormones in puberty, for a lot of reasons, but on that score and some of your other concerns, again, you'll really want to start talking to a pro about this. (But on the puberty/hormones front, you might be interested in this: http://www.sfweekly.com/2007-07-11/news/girl-boy-interrupted)

In Chicago, you've got some good resources. Take a look here: http://www.chicagogender.com/Resources.htm#local

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Bonnie.N.Clyde
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I really have to mention something here-- the first response gave Sore Throat a list of terms, transsexual, transgender and gender queer.

To my knowledge, transvestites do NOT fit in the 'transgender' category, unless they identify as such. And a transgendered person can live their life as the gender they are- they don't need any surgery to do so. Transsexuals have had their surgery.

I'm not trying to be rude at all-- I just wanted to make sure the right facts get out there. And if I'm wrong, please correct me! [Smile]

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-Syndrome, "THE INCREDIBLES"

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Austere
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I think transvestites fit because they're completely trashing the boundaries society has put up around gender, and because they for whatever reason feel a need to dress as a member of the opposite sex at different times. And, well, dictionary.com puts them in so wutev.

Transsexuals have not all had surgery... They're the ones who are or would be on the road to get them, but they don't have to have had one. Dictionary.com will back me up here as well.

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ASargent42
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Well, like Boys_do_Cry said, unless a transvestite identifies as a transgender, not all of them are automatically transgender. For example, what about people with transvesite fetishes? For example, men who like to dress in womens clothing for sexual purposes? And for all other purposes, are fully male? In that case, I would put it as a fetish, as opposed to full on gender identity confusion.

Just my 2 cents, though [Smile]

[ 11-18-2007, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: asargent42 ]

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Austere
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That fits just under the light end. But, if you're cross dressing for sexual pleasure, your gender identity doesn't seem to be 100% male or female anyway... The idea behind transgender is that if your identity isn't 100% either-or, then you're TG even if it doesn't mean you'll be taking hormones or getting surgery or whatever...
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Bonnie.N.Clyde
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Your gender ID as a trans person can definitely be 100 percent, without hormones! That's what's really cool about it. Tons of folks are male or female, and still living in biological bodies. It's all a matter of preference. Dictionary.com's definitons are certainly correct in some terms, but a little offensive in the fact that it says 'wishing to be seen as the opposite sex'. A queer dictionary has more inoffensive definitions.

I totally get what your point is, though.

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"And when everyone is super, no one will be."

-Syndrome, "THE INCREDIBLES"

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The Loser
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Well. SoreThroat was me on my old account. Sorry I couldn't re-use it but I completely forgot the password.

Thanks for your help in advance. I've been living full time male for almost a year now and life is exactly as it should have been. I've been on testosterone for almost six months and will be getting surgery next month.
Thanks for your help Scarleteen. =]

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Heather
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It's so nice when people come back to let us know how they're doing. [Smile]

Thanks so much for filling us in, and I'm so glad to hear that your transition is going well and that you're in a good place!

Are your parents or guardians being supportive? Whether or not they are, do you have the kind of support you need?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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The Loser
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Yeah, my parents have been terrific!
They're the reasons why I can transition so early.
I wound up being pulled out of school and started a new one, so I could be "all male", if you will.
I considered coming out at the close-knit boarding school but decided against it because I didn't want to be known as the "trans kid". And I would have no place to stay - couldn't be with the boys or the girls.
That's the only part of my transition I regret, leaving school, but other than that everything has been great.
I don't even remember my life before I transitioned.
When I look at old pictures, it feels like I used to have a twin sister or something.

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