Visiting a Gender Identity Therapist Tuesday...as I have always felt the need to be female...for many reasons....Family aware of my problem but it's usually spoken about indirectly.... I don't claim to be completely female, nor is any birth female....I do occasionaly slip into 'Male role'....I suppose I've lived as a guy and have had to develop certain elements of a male persona..however it has been learned...It didn't come naturally to me...and I can't sustain it. Hate having to fulfil a male role and appearance at work...causes such huge conflict. I suppose I'm just here as I need somewhere to get it out...not necessarily advice...As a potential Trans I could face exclusion from many family events...would just like to hear from anyone who themselves or has friends/family who have experienced this.
You are surly not the only one going through this, my cousin has had these same thoughts sense a little boy and is now at the age of 26 getting operations to become a female, I wish you luck hun and I hope for the best!
One of my best friends is transgendered. She is anatomically a male, but she feels as though she is a female. She often tells me that sometimes she feels more masculine, and sometimes she feels more feminine. Some days she'll wear boys clothes, other days she'll wear girls clothes. Oftentimes I forget to call her a "her" and this does not offend her. Many people do not accept this fact that she feels this way, but she als has many people who support her. Her family is not always as supportive as she would like them to be, and they forced her to decide between going to college (them paying) or starting "treatments" to become more feminine. She chose college, but still plans to legally chang her name to a "girl" name.
She has told me that she has felt this way ever since she was younger. In many ways she is a girl, but sometimes she feels like a male, so she is not "completely female" as well. Being bisexual can also add complications. However, she is still an amazing person who I respect a great deal. I hope the best for her in life and her journey to possibly becoming more female, and I hope the same for you, Alan! Good luck on the road to self discovery -- don't let anyone get you down, change your beliefs, or make you feel less than you are.
-------------------- ^_^ <3 Posts: 5 | From: US of A | Registered: Jun 2007
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I think trans or not, there are many of us for whom the adaptation of a certain gender role in work or other life is not something that comes naturally. Most of the gender roles that fly in organized society are very narrow and make for a pretty tight squeeze no matter whom the human being. Some are even so ridiculous that no "human" can squeeze into them at all!
It was pretty slickly recognized that being a female by birth does not automatically mean a complete gender centrality either. The connection between sex and gender is so mysterious and inconsistent. The only person who can know what is going on inside is you. I personally hover all over the place on the gender chart, but no matter where I happen to be, I always feel female, and there is no contradiction for me: I'm still "female" when my clothes and mannerisms and hell, even aura in a social situation is what would be considered "male".
As for the lack of family support: is there maybe one trusted family member whom you feel you could approach about this and speak directly without fear of persecution, or it spreading negatively to the rest of your family? If you foresee that these identity struggles are really going to cause conflict, it would be invaluable to have one stable base--someone who may perhaps even assist in a diplomatic role.
A belated thanks to all who replied..away for quite a while...so sorry..I relate to most of what you say..." " dindong...I see strong similarities between your friend and I..there are times when it feels ok to be male...depending on the situation..I tend to vary from situation to situation..that's what I mean by 'not totally female'..( I suppose everyone is a matrix really..some birth women have masculine traits...some birth men have typicaly feminine traits..and visa versa)and that has taken time to understand..slowly getting there...at the same time there is no doubt in my mind that I would prefer to be a woman...but in certain situation's it's more or less significant than others....perhaps the 'male binary role' is just too restrictive for me...perhaps if the 'rules' governing male condcut were more liberal then it would be less of an issue. But yes a lot of people..especially my policeman brother tell that these feelings/behaviour is wrong..fundamentally..I'm trying to talk to my mother..and she appears open..but -words don't come easy-
Have started seeing a Counsellor and sharing helps. Hopefully in time dust will settle.
Thanks to all Alan and have adopted the female name 'Karen' for certain forums..such as here!
quote:I suppose everyone is a matrix really..some birth women have masculine traits...some birth men have typicaly feminine traits..and visa versa
Well, only if you susbscibe to the idea that the whole concept of masculine/feminine is anything but really arbitrary, which is is pretty much everywhere, especially when you consider world history and how much variance there can be between cultures when it comes to definting what those traits even are.
Which, I recognize, only makes things more murky than clear, but because gender is a social construct, it's pretty murky by design.
I'm sorry you have people around you telling you the way you feel is intrinsically wrong: if it's any comfort, there are also plenty of people who would say the opposite. I'm glad, though, you've found a counselor who is of help to you.
(And if you want to adapt your signature to reflect the name you've chosen so you can feel free to ID as you'd like here, you can edit that via your profile, FYI.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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