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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Fiance hates my sexual preference...

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Author Topic: Fiance hates my sexual preference...
rebelkitten
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I've been with my fiance for a little over a year and a half, and I have known him for two and a half. One of the first things we really discussed, as friends, was that I am bisexual. He was fine with it then, and as we dated on and off for about a year. When we became an "official couple" he still seemed fine with it, until I made a comment about a really hot girl at the mall one day. He acted all weird. Later I asked what the problem was and he said that he wasn't okay with the fact that I am attracted to girls. I have had one real girlfriend, and several crushes, but nothing that he should be worried about. Most guys seem to find bi girls hot (I guess it is the whole threesome idea), but mine can't stand it. I think that he feels like it means extra competition for him, even though he has me and I would never cheat or leave him simply to be with a girl.
I know that if we were to break up I would probably never date another guy. He has been the one man who really means a lot to me, and I want him to understand that and and accept my sexuality. Any ideas?

Posts: 4 | From: Alabama | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Just a quickie before I say anything else: the term "sexual preference" when meant to mean orientation stems out of homophobia -- it was a phrase used, and sometimes still used, to basically give the impression that those of us who are queer could just as easily choose to be straight. Sexual preferences, actually, are things like preferring one sexual position over another: sexual orientation is the term which refers to whom we are attracted in terms of sex or gender.

Maybe your fiance was okay with this in his idea of it, but the reality is sinking in. Or maybe he didn't think it'd mean something separate from him. How have your discussions about this gone since this event? Perhaps have you tried explaining to him that you have no expectation he isn't attracted to other women, even though you're the woman he chooses to be with now?

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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
plain milyeh
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is he used to hearing you make similar comments about hot people in general? 'cause if he's not...well, you know. issues could be getting confused, here. maybe just a little.
Posts: 108 | From: caaaaanada. ('cause we've got rocks and trees and trees and rocks...) | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rebelkitten
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Member # 33130

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Sorry about the preference thing. I didn't realize that it was taken like that at all! I see where that comes from though, I guess how I meant it was I am bi, but if it really came down to it I would rather be with a girl. I do love my fiance but if he and I ever split, there would never be another man in my life.
He really did change over the first year that I knew him and that is partially why I grew to love him so much. We have talked about it a lot, and his views have just changed (he said he liked it only for the sexual benefits he could get out of it, and he realized that isn't how he wanted to act).
The fact that I am more attracted to girls normally makes him feel threatened. He is just the only guy who I have ever really felt this way about and he seems to think I will change my mind (about him).
Thanks for clarifying what sexual preference really means!

Posts: 4 | From: Alabama | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
out cated
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Member # 33334

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i think plain milyeh
but does he ever talk about girls around you like do you walk out of the moives and say that katie was hot or would he never do that cause those types of guy can get really hurt when it comes to that and more importantly if he can't get that you love him then that is his problem

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happy is orange juice

Posts: 9 | From: surrey bc | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
out cated
Neophyte
Member # 33334

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i just thought that if you haven't said any thing like that and plain milyeh
is right ( and i think so) then you have some self controll

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happy is orange juice

Posts: 9 | From: surrey bc | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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