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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » friend

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Author Topic: friend
jillybilly
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Member # 19523

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I'm not sure if this is the right area to put this in, but i have a friend whos 19 and he recently told me that he was getting a sex change operation, because he wants to be a girl. i always noticed he was kind of feminine and things like that...and he says hes not gay but he does like boys. he trully believes that he was born in the wrong body and i understand that. hes starting hormounes soon and im really supportive of him, but he's starting to become really annoying...always wanting to talk about it and stuff...and i think its great that hes being so open with me..but its not ALL i want to talk about with him. how do i tell him politley that i understand hes excited but would he just stop talking about it all the gosh darned time?!?! i want to talk to him about other things too like school and working and when he's coming to visit me (he lives in calgary and i live in BC but we've known eachother for a while..he gradded from my highschool when i was in the 9th grade) thanks a bunch and if this topics not in the right room then oopsies and u can move it to somewhere more apropriate! thnx! o_O
Posts: 31 | From: White Rock, BC, Canada | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Actually, there's a very postive way you can adress this.

Like by saying "Hey, I'm really glad you're excited about your transtion, but there's so much more to you than your gender -- and me -- and I'd really like to talk about and do some of those opther things with you."

He may also need to reach out for more support, which can can likely find through the doctor he's talking about SRS with.

It's not surpising he seems a little obsessed: it's often really hard for transgendered or transsexual people to find others who are accepting and supportive. But you absolutely get to make limits on that.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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First of all, if your friend's started transitioning, then it may be appropriate to start referring to them as "she".

Ask what your friend would prefer, of course, but if your friend identifies as a girl, then "she" is usually the pronoun to use.

Secondly, it's likely that this is a very big deal for her right now, so it's not really surprising that she wants to talk about it a lot, especially since she's only told you recently (and it may be that there aren't many other people around who she can talk to about it).

It's like any big life event - whether it's getting married, coming out, having a baby, converting to a religion, whatever - people often go through a phase when it's all they can talk about, but it usually wears off over time.

But you get to have your own needs and preferences as well. You've got every right to start conversations about other topics, or - if she won't switch subjects - say exactly what you're saying here: that you want to talk about other things like school and working as well.

If you make it clear that you're not saying that you don't ever want to talk about her transition, you just want to keep the other ingredients of your friendship going as well, that seems perfectly reasonable and okay to me.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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