Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » friend

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: friend
Member # 19523

Icon 11 posted      Profile for jillybilly     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm not sure if this is the right area to put this in, but i have a friend whos 19 and he recently told me that he was getting a sex change operation, because he wants to be a girl. i always noticed he was kind of feminine and things like that...and he says hes not gay but he does like boys. he trully believes that he was born in the wrong body and i understand that. hes starting hormounes soon and im really supportive of him, but he's starting to become really annoying...always wanting to talk about it and stuff...and i think its great that hes being so open with me..but its not ALL i want to talk about with him. how do i tell him politley that i understand hes excited but would he just stop talking about it all the gosh darned time?!?! i want to talk to him about other things too like school and working and when he's coming to visit me (he lives in calgary and i live in BC but we've known eachother for a while..he gradded from my highschool when i was in the 9th grade) thanks a bunch and if this topics not in the right room then oopsies and u can move it to somewhere more apropriate! thnx! o_O
Posts: 31 | From: White Rock, BC, Canada | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Actually, there's a very postive way you can adress this.

Like by saying "Hey, I'm really glad you're excited about your transtion, but there's so much more to you than your gender -- and me -- and I'd really like to talk about and do some of those opther things with you."

He may also need to reach out for more support, which can can likely find through the doctor he's talking about SRS with.

It's not surpising he seems a little obsessed: it's often really hard for transgendered or transsexual people to find others who are accepting and supportive. But you absolutely get to make limits on that.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
First of all, if your friend's started transitioning, then it may be appropriate to start referring to them as "she".

Ask what your friend would prefer, of course, but if your friend identifies as a girl, then "she" is usually the pronoun to use.

Secondly, it's likely that this is a very big deal for her right now, so it's not really surprising that she wants to talk about it a lot, especially since she's only told you recently (and it may be that there aren't many other people around who she can talk to about it).

It's like any big life event - whether it's getting married, coming out, having a baby, converting to a religion, whatever - people often go through a phase when it's all they can talk about, but it usually wears off over time.

But you get to have your own needs and preferences as well. You've got every right to start conversations about other topics, or - if she won't switch subjects - say exactly what you're saying here: that you want to talk about other things like school and working as well.

If you make it clear that you're not saying that you don't ever want to talk about her transition, you just want to keep the other ingredients of your friendship going as well, that seems perfectly reasonable and okay to me.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

Quick Reply

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins

Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3