A friend of mine recently expressed a desire to wear women's clothes; of course, I let him borrow some stuff. He feels really scared, and that what he's doing is wrong. I told him that it was fine, most people probably feel that way. I know that I did/do: when I was 5 or 6, I thought it was so cool that boys got to go pee standing up. For about a week I tried to do it that way, until I figured that I just wasn't built that way. Has anyone else ever felt like they wanted to do things only the opposite gender is allowed to do? Are people who do this "bad", "gay" or "wrong"?
Posts: 14 | From: Homewood, California, USA | Registered: Aug 2002
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1) gender identity and sexual orientation aren't at all causal. we can't say gender and orientation aren't related, because if there was no gender, the whole idea of sexual orientation would have no basis. Without gender, people can't have gender attraction. But gender IDENTITY, or discomfort with one's gender isn't related to sexual orientation. Therefore, questioning or exploring gender, feeling comfort or discomfort is not "gay."
2) Most men who want to cross-dress are, in fact, heterosexual. The term for that is "transvestism," and if it is ONLY about clothes, or is for sexual gratification or performance, that's a very different thing than say, transgender.
3) Discomfort with gender roles, identity or norms is called "gender dysphoria." Just about everyone has some at some point, and some people -- transgendered or transsexual people -- have it full-time.
3) Sex and gender are different things. When you talk about wanting to be able to urinate in a given way because of phsyiology, that's actually about biological sex, not gender. Same would go with a biological man wishing he could become pregnant. An example of wanting to be able to do something the opposite *gender* can would be, say, a woman wishing she could go into a bar full of men without a fear of being sexually assaulted or harassed, or a men wishing he could get some real cultural status as a nurturing parent.
Hey, women can urinate standing up, there is a trick to it and it's not as easy (you can get some nasty infections if you don't watch yourself).
A lot of people don't feel too comfortable falling into the whole stereotypical sex role thing. I remember dressing in boy's clothes and acting a lot like one, but then I would go out in a dress the next day.I got a lot of weird stares, and my grandmother used to pressure me a lot about it. "Girls don't clim b trees and boys don't cry". Sound familiar? Normally, tomboys don't get as much stick for being masculine as boys get for being feminine because femininity is often seen as a weakness amongst men, and they see someone feminine as being gay, and many people still think homosexuality is wrong, so therefore to them crossdressing is wrong. You can do quite a lot for your friend, you took the step to find out what to do to help him, and you can take him through it and make him realise that what he's doing is perfectly okay.
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