I am a 14 year old teenage boy and I have this urge to be like a girl all the time. I think that I am screwed up by thinking like this. I never told my parents because I know that they would just laugh. I take one look at a girl and I think of myself as one. I think I was supposed to be one because my parents told me when I was younger that I was supposed to come out one but there was a problem and I came out a boy. I also don't tell anyone because people already call me names and stupid stunts like mine would only make my situation worse. Nobody likes me so I just close myself up from the world. What should I do? I am so confused.
[This message has been edited by spence21 (edited 10-17-2003).]
Posts: 2 | From: east tawas,MI,USA | Registered: Oct 2003
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What do you mean by 'like a girl'? What does a woman have, besides certain chromosomes, or some physical characteristics (and certainly, not all women are at all alike in body!) that you don't? Do you think perhaps what you want is more a state of mind rather than something more concrete?
------------------ Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA
I'm just going to tell you right now that I'm not some big expert or anything, so don't assume that I’m totally one hundred percent correct. I’m just a 15 year-old girl that read your post, and recognized some issues that I myself have had to deal with and wanted to try to give some helpful advice.
If by the words "be like a girl," you mean being more feminine (and by “more” I mean above what you yourself consider to be the acceptable norm for guys), then in my view you have no problem. Femininity isn’t a bad thing for guys to have. At times my boyfriend is very feminine, and there’s no problem at all with that. Besides, no one really complains when a girl acts “like a guy.” Having the urge to be “like a girl” doesn’t make you “screwed up.” If you honestly think that you have a problem, I would suggest that you talk to your parents, or at the very least a trusted friend. I mean, sure, they might laugh at first (I mean they are only human), but they will take you seriously when they see that you aren’t kidding, and I should hope that they would try to help you in any way they could.
It’s interesting that you were supposed to originally be a girl. I wouldn’t worry about that though, apparently it isn’t such an unheard of occurrence. You see, according to my mother’s prenatal physician, I am a boy. Well, I’ve got the body parts to disprove that. Plus, I’m not so sure that your gender really has anything to do with your behavior. Now don’t quote me on that. I simply base my theory on my own knowledge and experience. Growing up, I had primarily male role models. Plus, most of my friends were guys. It’s not surprising that I tend to “be like a guy.” Now this is simply my case. I can’t prove it with any hard evidence; it’s just a theory.
Whoever calls you names most likely has underlying issues and insecurities that they can’t handle. Therefore, they use you to draw attention away from their own flaws. You’re not alone; lots of people have to deal with those annoying bullies. I’m not going to tell you how to handle them, because there really is no way to handle them. They will always be there, it may not be the same people forever, but there will always be at least one person who will put you down. Trust me. Don’t dismay, people do like you. I realize that it is hard to see them when you have people that put you down, but you do have friends. Building up walls and closing yourself from the world will not solve your problem. In all actuality, it will probably make it worse. Once again, trust me, I know.
I cannot tell you what to do. Whatever action you are going to take is ultimately your own choice. There is no instruction manual for life. You must assess your own situation, and make your own decision on a plan of action. If it were possible for someone else to give you all the answers, life would be meaningless. All that I can do is give you advice drawn from my own personal experiences.
You are not stupid, screwed up, or anything else along those lines. You are a human being. You deserve to be treated with respect, and have the right to live your life your own way, without fear and with the same dignity that is bestowed upon everyone else. The sooner you accept these things, the sooner others will be forced to. Forget about the bullies; they don’t really matter. Spend time with your true friends. If you are totally convinced that you have none, then find some. Be with people that are like you. Find people that will listen to what you have to say, people that care about what you think and feel. Talk to these people; tell them what you think and feel. Open up to them; it helps.
You are not alone; trust me. I was a lot like you not long ago. In fact, I still am like you. People used to call me a lot of names, and I don’t mean “buddy” and “pal”. I couldn’t talk to my parents about anything (well, I still can’t about most things, but I’m improving) and my self-esteem was so low it was below the sewers. But I found people that helped me through it. I started to take the insults as compliments, and after awhile, the current of negativity flowing in my direction gradually lessened. Mind you there are still some people that still won’t quit, but they’ll get what they deserve in the end. The point is; I learned to open up to my true friends, and my life changed for the better. I learned how many people really care about me and how many friends I really have. It took two specific people months to really break all the way through to me, and they are my total soul mates because of it; I couldn’t live without them.
I hope these words help you at least a little bit like those people helped me. I apologize for the length, and I’m sorry if what I have said doesn’t help you at all.
I think that maybe you are just confused. I have a friend that has the exact feelings like that as you do. he just had alot of friends that were girls and he was around them so much he started to act like them and he really got confused. He even got to the point where he though he was gay. The truth is deep down no matter what you are a guy and deep down you will always be a guy. think about what is means to you being a guy. Not just having something that girls don't have but the way guys act how they get along. More importantly how they go out with girls. You wouldn't want to be a girl then would you? I mean wouldn't you miss going out with girls? I know if I was a guy I would miss going out with them too much. I hope you understand what I am saying and I hope I helped you some atleast and not confused you bye.
Posts: 30 | From: Trenton,GA U.S.A | Registered: Oct 2003
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quote:Originally posted by ~Jasons*Baby~: The truth is deep down no matter what you are a guy and deep down you will always be a guy.
i really hate it that in this day & age so many ppl still choose to reflect such outdated ways of thinking. get with the program!
anyone can be anything they want. especially when it comes to gender & especially when science has made such leaps in areas such as sex-reassignment surgery (ofcourse surgery is only 1 option). you can be a boy, a girl, neither or both. whatever you so choose. *note* gender has <b>nothing</b> to do with sexual-orientation
spence: its society that has the problem, not you! with the salient gender binary, one can easily feel lost for not fitting 1 of 2 arbitrary models. the only advice i can give you is to take your time & find yourself.
best of luck!
------------------ go ahead. try to define me. i dare you.
i know exactly what your going thru..im a girl but i act just like a guy..i play sports and i walk like a boy sometimes too..it is hard but i don't think that you are supposed to be a girl maybe it is a phase thats what i always think
Posts: 12 | From: jacksonvlle,florida,usa | Registered: Nov 2003
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quote:Originally posted by MiKe'sGUrL69: it is hard but i don't think that you are supposed to be a girl maybe it is a phase thats what i always think
While you have the right to choose your own preference in regards to gender, it really isn't your right to say that the original poster isn't "supposed to be a girl".
As logic_grrl said, "Actually, there are plenty of people who choose to change their gender. I suggest you take a look at the article I already recommended, Boys Will Be Boys... or Not?." So while you've chosen to label this as a phase for yourself, let's please not tack that same label onto other people's lives. It's just fine to talk about your own experiences here, but please don't transfer them onto other people by making judgements about what they should or should not be.
Trust me, you're not screwed up. You'd be surprised how many guys have the same desire to be like women, whether it involves dressing like a woman or actually undergoing gender reassignment surgery. It may scare you, but if you feel like "being like a woman," as you put it, would make you happy, you may eventually find that you're comfortable with the idea--especially if you educate yourself about transgender issues.
Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2003
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First off, I need to say that this is completely normal for at least 30,000 individuals. Of which, I happen to be one. There's a reason that scarleteen has a section on gender issues. There is gender and then there is sex. They are very different! Gender is internal, while sex is anatomical. I have just recently begun my own journey into what practical applications this will have on my life, but as for the confusion and the acceptance, I've been there, and I've come out a stronger individual for it.
Anatomically, I am male. However, we have an inherent sense of gender from the time we are born. I do not believe that we can 'choose' to be whatever we want, or that gender is somehow 'arbitrary' or a societal construct. There are some very convincing medical tests that point to the fact that a difference in brain structure between female and male gender exists. It is a birth defect. When a signal was sent to one area (the brain or the body) to assume one sex/gender, the signal did not go through to the other area. It is entirely possible that you, like me, have ended up with the wrong brain for our anatomical sex!
The brain is aware from birth that something is very, very 'wrong.' The attempt to act like girls or take on 'girly' things is the brains way of conforming to society. Unfortunately this is very confusing since society sees the body and not the brain. If anything the wrongly gendered (or wrongly sexed) individual is the ultimate conformist and not a deviant at all. They are desperately trying to identify with the norms for the gender they know they are. Chromosones and genitals are all very nice, but they cannot tell you who a person is inside. If you remove parts of the anatomy, the person is the same. If you remove the person's understanding of their gender, you destroy what they were. You end up with a different person.
I don't know where your gender lies. I'm as confused enough with what mine means for me, but I want to make sure that for certain individuals, this is not a 'phase' and deep down a person may well be a gender that is different than their sex. Spence, I think you need to speak to someone of a professional capacity. It could be that you have other issues, or just that you like being feminine but are still a guy. Or you could be a girl trapped in a boy's body. From personal experience, I know how scary and frustrating that can be. I hope I've helped.
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